Why don’t they hire someone to introduce poor Ryan? He wants and needs it so badly. Is he the announcer or is he the host? It’s a dilemma. He says sound checks were amazing. I cringe a little more every week when they announce the “theme”. Why not contemporary pop songs we might hear someone record someday instead of the lame choices we’ve been limited to so far. This week is no exception. Disco night becomes 70’s Dance Music Night in order to stretch the theme a bit farther to include more musical styles and hopefully something one of the kids can sing along with. I’m bored already and it hasn’t even started. “Welcome to Club Idol”, Ryan says. Oh, boy.

Constantine was born in the dancing era. He knows what’s it’s all about. He’s going with the BeeGees’ “Nights on Broadway”. What he doesn’t remember was that this was a bore even for the BeeGees way back then. Certainly not one of their best songs. The white jacket doesn’t fool me. Could he mug anymore? You can tell he’s making an effort to keep the tongue in, but that’s all the schmaltz he’s holding back on including attempting to crawl into the lens of the camera. What a ham. What sides would you like with that? Sweet potatoes? More likely you’d get white bread. Randy and Paula love him. Paula is delirious over him. Simon thinks he was once again like a foreign waiter singing after dinner. Simon has run out of bad adjectives and me too. It’s all too boring to comment on.

Carrie has no experience at dancing, (or little else in life) but she’s going to sing Donna Summer’s version of “Macarthur’s Park”. She’s never been in a dance club and that’s a sure thing because they would have laughed at her hairdo and dress, unless it was B-52’s night. She can make any outfit look worthy of a country queen, but she can‘t find a contemporary look anywhere. She can sing the hell out of this song and I can’t complain about her lack of meaning because who the hell knows what this song means. It’s right up her alley. Meaningless lyrics sung at full intensity. She admits she has no clue what it means. It’s amazing how well someone so clueless can sing.

Scott says the 70’s was not his era. He’s not a dancer. Still, he chooses the dance hit “Everlasting Love”, and I’ll say it is Scott’s strongest vocal performance to date. He reminds me of the scary neighbor you don’t speak to because he looks angry, even when he’s singing about love, but I can’t fault his performance tonight. His mom once again picked his song. She did a good job and so did Scott. Randy and Paula love him. Simon still doesn’t, and probably never will.

Anthony Federov borders on or falls full face into the cheese zone almost every week. My imagination runs wild with possible choices he could make and I could mock. Oh, it’s going to be, “Don’t Take Away the Music” by Tavares. Was Tavares a single or a group? It could not be cheesier than Anthony tonight. Up with People sings Disco. This song was boring and trite in the 70’s and it certainly doesn’t translate to anything new for this century. This would be bad on a cruise ship. I mean you’d go back to the buffet to escape this hip wiggler. I was bored, embarrassed, and just not entertained. Icky. I felt icky afterwards. Maybe I’m too old, but I’d never buy that crap. How about some “Born to Be Wild”? I’ve danced to that more than once.

Maybe I’m having an off night, but the kids just aren’t stacking up to any sort of Idol potential I can see. Nothing I would buy or even download for free so far. Maybe I’m too jaded, seen too many contestants. Somewhere there has to be a breakout. Someone to root for, cheer for, argue with your friends about. It hasn’t happened for me yet.

Vonzell is singing, “I’m Every Woman” by Chaka Khan. That’s one Anwar might want to sing, but isn’t likely to. She starts it off totally different from the original, gets a laugh, and gets her groove on. Vonzell is easily convincible as a Disco Diva. She’s got the look, a nice strut, and a full register of facial expressions that go with her singing. She gets better every week, but at this rate she could peak early. It’s all about peaking at the right time. I think maybe I've peaked too early in the series. I get bored and distracted easily while the show is on, now. Meanwhile, Vonzell has jumped to the front of the pack once again tonight. She looks more like a pro than any of the other kids so far, but is she Idol material? Who knows? Vonzell keeps taking on big songs by big singers and pulling it off successfully. Can she make it as an original act?

Anwar was born in the late seventies and chooses the late 70’s Earth, Wind, and Fire song, “Do You Remember?” Anwar has been working on singing the verses as well as the choruses. One important thing about this song is the harmonies in the chorus, and the recorded background vocals seems strange when Anwar waits for them to sing their parts. The second half of the song Anwar prances around a bit much. He goes for the big chorus and the big note and hits it. It was OK, but I missed the other 3 parts of the harmony and the hopping around could have used a choreographer. Anwar used to sing this song with his band, so it wasn’t all new to him. He wanted to be free and loose tonight. You be the judge. I’m not digging it.

Last call at Club Idol. Bo Bice got skipped over on the whole dance thing. He calls his dancing horrendous, dreadful, and terrible. He is singing “Vehicle” by The Ides of March. Bo sounds just like the record. You’d almost think he sang the original. I couldn’t tell the difference. Is that good or is that bad? He didn’t miss a note. Randy raves over it and would like to record it. Paula say’s the competition is “Back On”. Simon says it’s the only authentically good performance of the “drowned out by the crowd sound”. I’d like to hear the end of one of Simon’s statements, but this year we’re only allowed to hear the first part. I guess it was a good performance by some standards.

If you asked me what I would buy or download for 99 cents, I’d have to say none of these tonight. The best performances were near exact copies of the originals and I have those already. Has there been any standout, an original outstanding performer? No. Not for me. Still waiting. Constantine seems the most educated in choosing an old song and making it new. Carrie has the best voice, but the least life experience to express it. Anthony and Anwar bore me. Scott is getting better, but will never get that good. Vonzell is becoming polished, but is she becoming an original act? Bo suffers from being too “of type” and not variable in style. They could all find some niche in the music biz, but which will be the Idol? There is only six or seven more weeks to work it out. Please send Anthony home this week. Even if you don't like Scott, he's not as irritating as Anthony. Wednesday is becoming my favorite day.