Mike goes home (but no one will notice), The Haters hate on the Other Haters, and vice versa, and it's the Reign of the Grey V-Neck in HOH.
BB gives the houseguests a wake up call, reminds them to tidy the house for the live show, and tells Dick that he has one hour to vacate the HOH room so that they can prepare it for the next inhabitant.
Dick talks with Daniele as he gets ready to leave the room and tells her that the house wants Nick gone next. He tells her that she would be better off going with the house, and called her out about telling Nick the conversation that Dick had had with Eric. Daniele is upset with Dick for distrusting her, but says that if she wins HOH she will NOT put up Nick.
Everyone is up and getting ready for the day.
Everyone is helping to clean the house. Dustin vacuums, Eric wipes down the table, etc.
Nick goes and hugs Amber and lets her use the bathroom before him. (ed. EXCELLENT time for Nick to start sucking up, especially to Amber whose opinions change with the wind. I'm sure before the day is out we'll hear how much in love Nick is with her since he gave her the bathroom first.)
The theme music starts to play (HOH set building in the backyard, of course) and Nick dances around. Zach swears that he played racquetball once with Alfonso Riberio, (Carlton from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air) and the others tell him to never mention it again.
Eric says that they are done cleaning with five hours left to go, and thinks they should all just go back to bed.
Eric manages a little funny first thing in the morning by asking Daniele (who is wearing tiny little shorts), "Daniele, if I were your pants, where would I be, because they aren't on you!"
Amber wants to clean the bathroom, but the girls are busy primping. Eric reminds her that they have five hours and nothing else to do.
Dick does the dishes and gives Jen the third degree regarding how she arranged the cupboards. He claims to have OCD and says that her time would be better spent organizing his underwear drawer or juggling his balls. (ed. I don't make this stuff up, people.)
Daniele finds Nick and warns him that he needs to win HOH. (ed. Thank you Captian Obvious.)
Amber and Jen discuss the HOH competition and what they would do if they won. Jen has a rare moment of charity and *cough* jenerosity and tells Amber that she asked for things that other people wanted for her HOH basket (if she was to win) since she had already won once and gotten everything she wanted. Amber tells her how nice that was, but didn't cry about it. ;)
Dick snores loud enough to wake the dead in one of the round beds and Jen comes in and naps in the other.
Kail and Zach whisper irritatingly well; the updater only catches something about Kail saying she didn't know who would vote for her to stay.
Kail talks with Mike about a BB cast get together after the show is over in Vegas or on a cruise. They decide that the winner will have to pay for everyone to go. (ed. Mhm, because the first thing everyone in that house wants to do is go hang out with KAIL.)
Mike asks what Kail will do when she gets home, and she tells him that she will never let her family out of her sight again. Mike doesn't seem upset about the prospect of leaving at all.
Most of the houseguests gather on the living room couches and just have idle chit chat, and we get a half hour of tunnel vision.
Dustin is doing the ironing for the house while Dick throws a nerf ball at the wall. (BB, of course, tells him to stop.)
BB asks if Daniele is wearing someone else's microphone and she laughs and says it was Eric's idea.
Dustin finishes ironing and does some yoga, Kail paces, and Daniele does Dick's weekly manicure.
Eric starts to sing "Bootylicious" and sends us back to tunnel vision.
Dick tells Daniele that he left a message for Kris (her boyfriend, if you haven't been following) that she still loves him and what he sees on television is all game.
Jen announces that she's hungry, but she doesn't want to eat because it will mess up her lipstick.
BB: Eric, please put on your microphone. Zach: Eric, please take off your towel. (LOL sorry, that was best repeated as it was first updated.)
Zach talks about memorizing the pattern of the lights and missing real plants. Kail sits around nervousing (thank you, Cowboy, for your additions to the BB vocabulary), and Dick compliments Eric's microphone placement.
A BB gem (such as last year's "Will, Eat a dick!") that we actually get to hear! "BB: Daniele, don't be a dick." Eric asks what she was doing, and she says that she was just bending over.
4:30 PM (Back to regularly scheduled programming)
Jen thinks that she will be the next Sanjaya (of American Idol infamy) because she has a different hairstyle every week. Then she gives the others (and most unfortunately us, as well) a play by play of her snorting and swallowing a booger. The boys tell her that she made their penises go flaccid.
Dustin and Eric talk about the HOH competition and seem to think that it will be endurance. (ed. um, nope, sorry boys.)
They talk about the ban on mints and gum and we get trivia.
As usual, there is the weekly recap that touches on all of the big stuff: Jen nominating Dick, he didn't get evicted but won HOH, Kail panicked and was nominated, Jen won the veto because Dick got mad, and Mike went up in her place. Julie tries to make the most of the America's Player debaucle by insinuating that we will actually get to decide who goes home this week (poor Julie, she's never well informed) and there is a quickie segment in which Eric tries to flip the vote to Kail, and even though we know he failed, CBS tries to make us believe the opposite. We get everyone's opinion on the nominees, and no one is surprised that there isn't a lot of warm fuzzy happening there. Mike and Kail make their pleas to the houseguests, and in a Big Brother first we are astounded by a speech! Mike says more words in that speech than in his entire 27+ days in the house combined, and Julie even had to interrupt him to get him to STOP talking. Who knew? The votes are in and it is 7-2 to evict Mike with only Zach and Eric (who had no choice, I guess) voting to evict Kail. Mike "talks" to Julie on the couch about whether or not he is dumber than Marcellas, as we're off to the HOH competition. It is the competition in which you get to eliminate others, and Eric was in the zone. He answered most of the questions and threw out just about everyone. Once it was down to himself, Dustin, and Jameka, he must have fancied himself safe and blatantly threw the competition by answering a question before it was even asked. Dustin came out victorious in the end.
Back to the grind...
Dustin tells Amber to pack to move into the HOH room with him. He hopes he will get a picture of himself from his "fatty" days. Amber says that she can't believe she cried again. (Ed. Neither can we, Amber, neither can we.)
Daniele and Nick think that Mike had a good speech and felt bad about him leaving. They both buy into Dick's assertion that it was Jen who voted for Kail to stay. (Ed. NOT true, but it shows how much they trust Eric.)
Nick got something of haircut, but hates it. Daniele says that he looks like an emu. (Ed. Judging by this comment and Nick's appearance, I'm not convinced that Daniele knows what an emu *is*.)
Daniele tells Dustin that he is going to get anal beads in his HOH basket, and then she claims that Amber will steal them.
Dick returns to his Kail-hate campaign.
Amber claims that it was Nick who voted for Kail to stay, and the house jumps on that bandwagon. (Ed. They are VERY anxious to make Nick the villain.)
Eric gives us directions (wait, isn't that supposed to be the other way around?) and tells us to vote for him to get Kail nominated.
Dustin tells Dick that he plans on nominating Zach and Kail, and that he felt like he was going to win HOH as soon as he woke up that morning.
Dustin asks Daniele if he should backdoor Zach instead, but Zach wanders in before she can answer.
Eric blames the Kail vote on Nick to Daniele and Jameka and they totally buy it.
Amber is crying AGAIN because she is happy for Dustin. She talks with Daniele and it seems that even SHE thinks that it was Nick who voted for Kail to stay. She thinks that Nick gave that vote in case Zach won HOH so that it looked like he was loyal. (Ed. that would be a great rationalization if Nick had actually voted for Kail to stay.) Daniele wishes that Nick would have won HOH so his true colors would have shown. Amber asks who Daniele would rather leave first, her dad or Nick, and she responds that she really doesn't care. They agree that they can't get rid of him too soon or keep him too long. (Wow girls, way to plan that one out!)
Dick and Jameka chat in the hottub about Eric's ability to predict the HOH winner. He has apparently called it correctly two weeks in a row.
Eric tells Jessica that she is fired from the BJ (Black Jew) alliance. She says she can't be fired if she wasn't ever working for them. Eric says he left the message on her voicemail.
Dustin gets his HOH room and Daniele says that it is the "honeymoon suite" for him and Amber.
Zach BRILLIANTLY threatens Dustin to join an alliance with him by telling him he'd get him evicted if he ever wins HOH. (Ed. Oh, dear sweet Zach. That sort of threat only works if you aren't talking to the HOH before they make their nominations. *tsk*)
Dick and Dustin celebrate his win in the HOH by dancing around. They proclaim their brilliance at having figured out that it was Nick who voted for Kail to stay (*eye roll*) and talk about Zach being the #1 target for Dustin. They decide that Eric got over excited during the HOH competition and he didn't try to throw it purposefully. (Ed. These people will believe anything as long as it isn't the truth.) They want to keep Nick in the fold and use him as long as possible unless they are sure they can get him up and out. Dustin says that Nick, Kail, and Jen all play sloppy games (pot, meet kettle) and that if they're going to play both sides they should do it better.
Dick and Daniele have a pow-wow on the living room couches. They argue some over their relationship, decide that Jen pulled the mustard prank herself, Daniele wants HOH pictures really badly, and they allude to the fact that they knew that the other would be on BB that season. She tells Dick that she will have nowhere to live when she gets out because her lease is up and Kris will be moving back home with his family. She says that he doesn't make much and is bad with money. Dick offers to help with finding her a place, and she says she doesn't need any help.
Kail tries desperately to convince Dustin to put up Dick. She tells him that Daniele and Dick are working together, and Dustin lies and says they aren't. (Ed. Of course he knows they ARE, but there is no reason for Kail to know that, I guess.) Dustin asks how she feels about everyone in the house. She doesn't trust Nick, she likes Jen, Amber, and Dustin and feels comfortable with them.
Dustin and Zach (!?) are in HOH. Zach says he is sort of sick of everyone in the house and Dustin says that is just how the game goes. He doesn't like how the game is going, how the "peices are set up" (i.e. he finally discovered he isn't in control at ALL), and he laments that he doesn't have "an Amber."
Eric and Jessica talk game in a marathon walk in the backyard. They decide that as a "pair" they are well below the radar. Eric worries about Daniele being sneaky, and wonders why she is always covering her mic. Jessica explains that she is only friendly with her because she is also 21 and blonde. They talk about Nick being a threat, and Eric says that they sent the wrong person home this week. He thinks that Kail is a huge threat. They decide that the next week would be a good time to get HOH, that they wouldn't attract too much attention. They both want Nick to go home before the jury.
Dick decides to go save Dustin from Zach in the HOH. Eric, Jessica, and Daniele all say that Mike is a great guy and they'd like him outside of the context of the game. Daniele talks about Amber being weird for thinking that she has premonitions that she (Amber) will be in the final two.
Eric plants some seeds with Daniele that Dustin, Amber, and Jameka are trying to pull Kail into an alliance. He calls it "The God Alliance."
Jen and Kail hang out in the round beds trying to figure out a way to get Dustin to nominate Dick this week.
Daniele goes to bed and we get tunnel vision for the rest of the hour for no apparent reason.
It is Abs class time with Dustin, Amber, Jessica, Jameka, and Jen.
Later, Amber tries to convince Dustin to keep Nick safe this week and get rid of Zach instead. Dustin says that Amber's loyalties to Nick bother him. Amber doesn't seem to trust or like Eric, and postulates (correctly) that he has a secret alliance with Jessica. She wants Nick in sequester because she thinks that he will vote for her or Dustin to win.
Dustin, Daniele, Jameka, Eric, Jessica, and Dick are in the backyard trying to decide who to nominate. Eric wants Dustin to put up Jen and Zach at the ceremony and have him say that he is putting up the people that voted to evict Kail. He says that Jen will out Nick as the vote and then they can change the nominations with the veto and backdoor Nick with a reason. Eric also convinces the group that Nick was responsible for the mustard incident.
The discussion continutes + Amber. They decide on Kail and Jen, and if the veto isn't used, then Kail goes home. Zach is the actual target, however, and if the veto is used, he will go up and out. Eric tells everyone NOT to listen to the four targets (Zach, Nick, Kail, Jen) and not to let them stir up anything in the group. They decide that if there are teams for the food competition they should split against the other four. Dick volunteers himself to go on their side to make them get slop, but Jameka vetoes it and says to let the cards fall where they may.
They hate on Kail for awhile and decide to hide her underwear as a practical joke. They claim she sits like a man.
Jameka tells Eric and Dick that no one ever lets Amber finish a though. She wants them to stop talking over her. (Ed. In their defense, all the men sat through a LOT of non-stop Amber talking at the beginning of the season. I don't blame them for cutting her short!)
Amber continues to push her agenda of keeping Nick for the time being. Eric continues to push agenda that is the exact opposite.
Dick finally lays it out on the line to Amber and says that her reasons for keeping Nick are personal and not strategic. She swears that it isn't true (ed. it is).
Eric says that he just wants the seven of them to chill out and have a good time and hopes that one of them will win.
Amber confirms that Daniele is completely over Nick.
They return to hating on Zach, and they all say that they are uncomfortable with him in the house. They repeat the SAME SPEIL over and over and over to each other. Jameka FINALLY breaks in and says that as each of them get HOH, they can pick their own target of the four and eventually all four will be gone. It doesn't matter what order that they go out in, as long as they GO.
The conversation turns to Jen hate and they talk about how she never showers. They say her crotch stinks (oh sheesh people) and Dick tells a story about a co-worker with the same problem. They all think that Kail has had a tummy tuck.
Amber does dishes, Jameka eats, and Dick goes the the bathroom. Amber calls out Dick for not washing his hands after going to the bathroom, and he says that he doesn't pee on his hands.
Lots of idle chit chat and blank stares...
All houseguests are sleeping.