You can bet lots of eye candy: I'm all for eye candy, don't get me wrong. But could we have a few with brains this year? Just a few? (As in more than one, so they can have actual interesting conversations!)
Will it be Eurasian this year? Black? Turkish? Iranian? Again, let it have brains and humor! (And good game play, if Iranian again
Will it be gay or lesbian? Let's go whole hog and have BOTH! That would make for interesting conversations right there.
We need someone with interesting jobs, too. NOT models or actors - what are they going to talk about, the best agent? What commercial they did? What casting calls they went on - and blew? BAH! No, thank you. None of that crap.
Let's see. How about a mortician? Bet there'd be some good tales there. Cop, too (though last one wasn't so hot, admittedly.) I know. A pimp! How perfect would that be? Imagine the stories! Same for a hooker, so let's have one of those, too - while we're at it. (Ain't like we haven't had jailbirds in there before.)
Who else would be interesting? No bankers, thank you very much. No sports people (I only like ice-skating, and LOOK what we got with a skater. No indeed, no mo!) How about a bookie? Could you imagine the tales we'd get late night when he was drunk? "Jaws, he really cracked down on this dude once. Only owed us couple G, but man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Jaws, man, was perfect. Picked up that dude - must of weighed 300 pounds - spun him around and threw him right across the pool table in Alfie's. Landed right on the eight ball and cracked a rib, I heard tell. Always depend on Jaws!"
Wait, wait - I have it. A Mafia princess - complete with two bodyguards (if played right, all THREE would be eye-candy, doubling the fun!) Imagine her at a challenge: "Daddy said I'd better win and get food. OR ELSE." On that note the bodyguards come in close, scowling. Think she's gonna lose? Oh hell no!
OK so maybe that last is over the top. Just maybe. In that case, we take it down a notch. A New Yorker with only one leg? Shit, been done. I know - we'll meet casting half-way. They want actors? Fine - find us a young, up-and-coming stand-up comedian! Someone genuinely funny. THAT would work for me - I'd be living on the feeds.
One other whacked idea: find one of those woman who HAS to have sex. (There's a term, but I just brain-farted it, as usual.) She'd lay anybody and everybody - oh, make her bisexual - she'd do the lesbian too! Talk about your GOOD feeds.
Finally, cast an asshole. I don't mean someone sarcastic part of the time (hello, Will.) I mean a true-blue, dyed-in-the-wool jerk. Someone who likes only animals, for instance (too bad, I know someone perfect for the part but he'd never do it.) He'd need to insult anybody for anything - at any time!
And there you have the perfect cast.