Some Exploitable Weaknesses of the House Guests
I was not an Evel Dick fan his first season on the show. And I was not overjoyed to hear that he might be coming back this season, at first...
Before the Season Premiere show of Big Brother, I was not excited about this year's line-up. With only the preseason interviews to work with, I had no favorites from among the Newbies. And although I had a couple of dislikes, I had no one that I absolutely hated either. I could almost say the same thing about the returning Veterans. I liked Jeff and Jordan, but wasn't overly-excited about their potential return. And I disliked Brendon and Rachel, but I didn't completely hate them. I still don't hate them, but now I feel embarrassed for them, which is somehow worse. I liked Danielle but disliked Evel Dick. I liked Jesse but disliked Natalie. I liked Dr. Will but disliked Mike. What a 'bleh' season, I thought.
The night of the Season Premiere I still couldn't find a reason to waste $40 for the Live Feeds. Then I watched the first show and knew who was in the house for certain. That very night a light came down out of the sky and settled upon me, and I had my one and only reason for signing up for the Live Feeds. (Okay, I'm kidding... no lights from the sky!) If for no other reason, I'd like to watch the Live Feeds to see Evel Dick squirm while on the block, and I'd like to see him finally have his turn at being evicted. So that very night as the Live Feeds went live, I signed up for them.
And what a disappointment! The Live Feeds went live and where was Dick? No Dick? I was like “WTF?” I wasn't the only one. The chat areas I read were filled with people who were expressing my thoughts. As we learned later, Dick had left the game.
You'll note that I say “Dick had left the game”. He wasn't evicted normally. He didn't pull a Chima. And he wasn't disqualified for any of the various bizarre reasons people were speculating on. For personal reasons relating to a close friend, Dick chose to leave the game this season. I can accept that. I can appreciate the possible reasons for keeping this friend anonymous and his-or-her situation private. I accept the given reason, and respect the request for privacy. I am satisfied.
But now I'm stuck with the Live Feeds without any great reason for watching them. Sigh. Yes, I know there is a 3-day Trial, and I could have terminated the Live Feeds in that time. But I was as hopeful as others that Dick would return, and it took 7 days before there was any “Official Announcement” about the situation. Even if they hadn't taken so long for the Official Announcement, I'm not one to unsubscribe from something once I've made the obligation. I was sure that in time I could find other reasons for watching the feeds.
I still wish Evel Dick was in the Big Brother house, but now my reasons have changed. I wish he was there to knock some heads around a little and straighten some people out. I wish he was there to pull some camera time away from certain people. For those reasons and more, I miss Evel Dick.
Let's get started with my all-time least favorite Big Brother couple, Brenchal. When the season started, the house was already divided into 2 factions: Veterans vs. Newbies. Dick was obviously on the side of the Veterans, so it isn't likely he would have come after Brenchal any time soon. But as everyone knows, almost everyone has to get evicted from Big Brother eventually. A time would have come when Brenchal would have been the recipients of his affections.
Rachel isn't as annoying as she was last season. This season we're getting very little of that braying laugh at the end of each sentence. And she isn't nearly the (fake-) drunk camera whore she was last season. But she can still be loud, annoying, and petty. As Week 2 proves, she's still getting her way in eliminating all the eye-candy competition as quickly as possible. Rachel has been pushing to get rid of Cassi since before the first Live Eviction took place. Many of you may think “But Rachel SAVED Porsche with her first HoH, and gave her a golden key!” True enough. But as I learned during the first night of drinking that I caught on the Live Feeds, that was Dick's plan, not Rachel's.
How did Dick manage to pull Rachel into such a plan? Rachel is on to Porsche's real occupation: a Luxurious VIP Cocktail Waitress. Birds of a feather and all that... instant friends. According to what Porsche told Rachel the first night they drank alone together, Dick recognized and remembered Porsche and approached her. I kind of doubt that story. Dick was famous, she was not. Famous people meet lots of people they don't remember. Average people who meet famous people never forget them. So I suspect that Porsche had met Dick in Florida (through her job), and reminded him of their meeting. Everyone in the house feels that Porsche is a liar. I don't know that to be true, but I have heard Porsche getting her own stories mixed up while in the process of telling them. We saw Dick approach Porsche to pull her into the Veteran's Voting Group, but we didn't see their first pre-Live Feed meeting. No matter how Rachel found out, she feels a certain connection to Porsche. The only women we know that Rachel gets along with are her fellow VIP Cocktail Waitresses. It seems that Dick exploited Rachel and got her to use her first HoH to give Porsche a Golden Key. Good job, Dick! Yet through it all, the first target's name that I heard Rachel saying repeatedly was Cassi. I don't hate Rachel, but I'm not a Rachel fan. I would have enjoyed an eventual confrontation between Dick and Rachel.
Then there is Brendon. He's the camera whore of the couple this season. Many times already, he's walked up to a camera pleading for the return of his plastic pet turtle. It isn't just me, many people find him even more annoying this year, always over-acting and over-dramatizing. And he hasn't even started whining, crying, and begging yet!
I'm not sure that Dick would single out Brendon for one of the two reasons that I didn't like Dick during Season 8. Dick never harassed anyone capable of punching him in the chest and knocking him through a wall that I can remember. I only remember Dick bullying those who were weaker, physically and/or emotionally, than him. His first season, I saw Dick as being a bully. But thinking about it, Brendon is obviously emotionally weaker than Dick! Duh... So maybe the sparks would have flown. Regardless, I could certainly see Dick livening things up by harassing Brenchal as a couple!
Moving on, we have Kalia. I like Kalia, but I don't know why. The only thing I dislike about Kalia is her non-stop, superior motor-mouth. I haven't seen her alone on the Live Feeds yet, but I imagine that if I saw her alone on the feeds she would still be talking – to herself! I can imagine Dick starting out slowly with Kalia. He would pick at her around the edges to find her weaknesses, intensifying his attacks until... Somehow, he would get her to shut up eventually!
I would love to see Dick getting on Dominic's case! Dom is this season's 'phobe, as in Mysophobia. He has a fear of germs. For one thing, Dom refuses to eat anything that someone else has touched. I often wonder why he hasn't starved to death yet. After all, other than mechanically-processed foods, everything he eats has been touched by someone between the farm and his mouth. During one round of the Stupid Questions Game, Dominic stated that his worst habit is not flushing the toilet. He doesn't want to touch the handle because it might be dirty. So why does he sit on the dining table where other people eat? Dani gave him a hard time about it a couple days ago while she was painting her toenails. Can you imagine the hell Dick might have given him? It's easy to see why he's still a virgin. Kiss a girl on the mouth?! Yuck!!! I might also note that when it comes to candy, Dom is a distant third (to Enzo and Gnatalie) as the loudest BB eater ever. One of Dom's favorite hobbies, aside from playing the Stupid Questions Game like he's at a sleep-over, is braiding Cassi's hair. He does it so well that I have to wonder if he grew up playing with the little girls rather than the other boys. And when he gets excited and laughs, he sometimes squeals like a 12 year old girl at a Justin Beeber concert. I can see many things that Dick could have harassed Dominic about!
Cassi thinks that Shelly has treated her more honestly than anyone else in the game. What Cassi doesn't know is that Shelly was the first to run to the HoH room and throw her partner under the bus, the first week when Rachel was HoH. Unlike Porsche and Adam, who were invited into the veterans alliance, Shelly approached them. If Dick had stuck around a while, I could imagine a scenario where he blurts this out at Shelly in front of Cassi. I can't imagine what personal attacks he might have leveled against Shelly, but I suspect he might have found something Rambo-esque.
I'm glad Keith is already gone, from an Evel Dick point of view. Yes, there are many things I could say about Keith, but those things have already been said. I am glad that Dick and Keith aren't in the house together because of the second thing I disliked about ED during Season 8. It would have eventually come out that Keith is an Ordained Deacon or something, and Dick liked using people's religion against them. During his season, he harassed 2 girls for their religious beliefs. I thought that we lived in a country where we are free of religious persecution, but Dick's bullying sure sounded like persecution to me at the time. I didn't consider it sacrilegious that Dick used religion as a personal attack, even if he did look like the Son of Satan while doing it. But I did consider it to be against the law somehow, and off-limits. So I'm glad that the harassment of Keith is one confrontation we avoided this season, although I must admit that maybe Keith needs a little persecuting to wake him up!
Moving on down the list of available house guests, we come to Danielle. I can't see Dick getting on Dani's case about anything. And now that Dick isn't there, I think we're seeing the real Dani on the show for the first time. But I did enjoy seeing Dick trying to be a dad to Dani during Season 8, even if it was almost too little too late. I think she was a little old for him to worry about her taking vitamins and such. And it was obvious that she didn't want him around at all. But I have to give him a lot of credit for trying! When it comes to Dani, I wish he was still there. I'm glad we are seeing the real Dani, but I want him to have another chance at fixing their relationship too.
So who is left? Jeff, Jordan, Lawon, Adam, Cassi, and Porsche. I could see Evel Dick taking on the persona of Russel the Luv Muscle when it comes to Jeff and Jordan. In my mind, I can imagine a profanity-laced shouting match between Jeff and Dick, and a chest-bumping competition between Jordan and Dick. Just think of the laughs we are missing out on! I'm not sure about Lawon and Adam, but I could see Dick turning Cassi or Porsche into another crying, emotionally-drained Jen somewhere further along in the game, too.
Oh, the fun we could have had!
It's only week 2, and it is far from the worst season of Big Brother. But if you watch the Live Feeds, you are already seeing a lot of boringly childish games (Dominic) and over-dramatized playing up to the camera (Brendon). You are already hearing a lot repetition (Rachel), and non-stop talking (Kalia). And there is a lot of boring down time too. I can only imagine how different, and better, the show might have been if Dick was still in the house. And so, even I am missing Evel Dick this season!