I’m in love with Big Brother - UK! You didn’t see that one coming, did you? True confession time: During Big Brother US, my love for ever-so-seriously “Evel” Dick left me without sleep because my “other” problem was my addiction to the live feed updates. Despite my bloodshot eyes, I still managed to get up every morning and function at work. After all, I had internet access on my cell phone! Hurrah! But, when the US Big Brother season ended, that is when I learned just how serious my addiction was.

I developed a habit of reading several times a day so I would return each day after the BB US season had ended with hope that maybe, just maybe, the camera feeds were broadcasting again. Also, I desired to hear that perhaps some producer may be heard talking about “next season.” After a few days, (yea, I think it took a few days) I knew that would never happen, so I had to find a substitute for my live feed watching ritual.

My addiction started out harmlessly enough. First, I just searched You Tube hoping to find older episodes of Big Brother online. Score! I was able to find the entire season. Hurrah! Fifteen hours later, respectively, I resorted to watching even more episodes of previous Big Brother seasons on You Tube. Hurrah, Hurrah!

But alas, in a shorter time than you could ever imagine, I watched all of the prior seasons and all of the prior episodes. I laughed; I cried; I yawned. It was better than watching the musical, “Cats,” and I said to myself, “Now what?”

I remembered that Big Brother originated outside of the US so I read up on all Big Brother shows. (Yep…all of them.) Hey, it’s an addiction!
Then, while on a business trip in Atlanta in June of 2010, I found it, Big Brother UK! My prayers had been answered. Hurrah, Hurrah, Hurrah!
And even more exciting, the discovery that BB UK airs an episode nightly!
Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah, hurrah!

So here’s the deal, if you are looking for backstabbing, lying, cheating, manipulating, dog eat dog, classic Big Brother-house-flipping-action, look somewhere else, it’s not on BB UK. These are the nicest, most polite players you’ll ever watch play the game. Now, I’m not saying there aren’t tears, arguments and dramas. There are; but let’s remember, this problem consists of civilized English men and women. They are refined, crumpet eating, tea drinking, well-mannered players, even on their bad days, but, ohhh, they can drink!

Why are they so civilized? Well, they can’t, (yes, I wrote “can’t) talk about nominations.

Huh? I said, “C A N’ T.” That means zip, nada, or zero, and not an utter or a whisper.

They can roll their eyes, but since they can’t talk about nominations eye rolls don’t go very far. If they do discuss nominations, they get penalized. The penalties are severe punishments; like being thrown into solitary confinement (yes, like what recently happened to Dan).

Food is budgeted. The dollars used for food come from challenges. If players win a challenge, like licking the flavoring off of potato chips, (yep, really happened) they’d get a “Luxury” food budget. And if they lose, no bueno. The food budget has to be a community effort. Trust me; you haven’t witnessed a true reality show argument, not screaming in your face, everyone talking over everyone, but an actual, logical argument, until you’ve watched a food budget episode. For example, I listened to a vegetarian argue that wheat germ is more important than deli meat.

The other thing I love about Big Brother UK is that people enter the house individually. So one person is in the home for several minutes, and then the second enters, then the third. It makes it more like a cocktail party. Additionally, players come and go, virtually the entire season. So, new players are continually being introduced.

But the best parts, the very best parts, of Big Brother UK are the evictions. You are probably thinking, “Wait, didn’t you say they can’t talk about nominations?” Yep, I did, but here’s the thing. If a magic genie appeared before me today and said, “I can grant you one wish,” I’d seriously consider living just 10 minutes of my life as the evicted (yes I wrote evicted) houseguest from Big Brother UK. No, I haven’t lost my faculties. At the moment you’re evicted from BB UK, you are a “rock star.” Quite literally (imagine I just wrote that in an English accent, if it’s possible to write in an English accent) you are a rock star.

First of all, everyone in the house rises, hugs you, sobs softly, and wishes you the sincerest goodbyes you can imagine. The evicted houseguest gets to hang around a little and enjoy the party, and then it’s time to actually leave. The doors open, they blow kisses to their housemates, and head out. They climb to the top of a clean, modern, but lovely staircase and then the doors open. The crowd cheers and you are standing outside, on a platform, wearing your best clothes waving and smiling like you’ve just won Miss America. Then the music starts playing your own theme song, chosen just for you, and you begin to walk. You’re walking and walking and walking, and you come down a flight of stairs, smiling, waving, thrilled to be there. The crowd is cheering and chanting your name. There are signs and balloons. Yes, these are the people who technically voted you out, but in the UK, this is a whole other animal.

Their host, Davina, a young Sally Field look-a-like in black with a wicked sense of humor, greets you. She instructs you how to pose on the red carpet as the paparazzi take photo after photo after photo of you. Lastly, after you’ve smiled so brightly they need less lighting, and posed to the point you are telling Davina now to pose as well, she holds up your hand, as if you’re just won a professional fight. She reintroduces you to the audience by announcing your name, and the crowd goes literally wild, again. Then you’re whisked off to your live interview and the rest is relatively the same as the US BB. You watch your “best bits,” and Davina recounts the drama that occurred in the house.

What a ride! The BB UK 2012 season just ended but I’m ready for 2013. Care to watch with me?