“And we have liftoff” – While Claire and the kids are away, Phil will play

Phil has two days to himself. His number one priority is wiring the house to his iPad. Hello, 2025. Hurrah! Claire speaks to him from her cell as she’s driving; she's thrilled at the concept of coming home to a rewired house. Claire urges Phil to get out and to do something with his time outside the house while she’s gone. Really, do wives really do that? Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh; let’s not let that get out.  Then again, we are talking about Phil. How much trouble can he get into?

Manny and Luke are arguing about the last dance they attended while they walk through the lobby of the swank hotel where Alex will compete in an Academic Challenge. Their argument is put on hold when Manny spies a lovely blonde. He is now on a mission to get to know her. They discover she is there to celebrate her Bat Mitzvah. Manny proposes crashing the lovely, young blonde’s celebration but Luke doesn’t bite. That plan seems too easy. Wait; maybe not. They quickly learn there will be three Bat Mitzvahs in the hotel that day. Now, that’s a challenge!

Jay and Gloria are unaware that not only are they due for a little bundle of joy, but also that Jay and Cam are planning a surprise. Well, it’s not just a big surprise, a surprise that stems not from their baby gift registry, but instead a surprise from Cam’s head! Hurrah!

They arrive at Casa Pritchett to whisk the expectant parents off to lunch so that the surprise team can have exclusive, uninterrupted access to their home. Alas, neither Gloria nor Jay wants to cooperate. Gloria is tired yet again. I remember those days well. Mitchell and Cam launch into “Plan B.” Jay and Mitchell are off to the crib store, and eventually Cam pushes tired Gloria out the door to lunch.

Phil uses the free pass he has to Mitchell’s gym to pass the time. As luck would have it, Phil gets hooked up with his racquetball partner, Dave, played by Matthew Broderick. Phil offers to continue the fun for their day, like watching football in his home. Dave is excited about their date. Dave calls Cam to talk about the date with this wonderful new friend he made at the gym. Cam offers his support. In closing, Cam is thrilled that Dave is going to stop “boning everyone!"

Manny and Luke crash Bat Mitzvah number one, but alas, Manny doesn’t see the girl of his dreams there, so off they go to the next one.

Mitchell is in the crib store with his father, Jay. He is offering him fatherly advice, like encouraging Jay to get more “Onesies.” Jay is distracted and Mitchell knows Jay is hiding something from him.

Meanwhile at the competition, Claire is instructing the other parents about the seat cushion prices. While she is in deep discussion and not paying attention, Alex misses one of her first questions. Claire, being the irrepressible parent that she is, decides to confront the judges because obviously there has been a mistake, and Alex didn’t hear the question because of acoustics.

Bat Mitzvah number two features Luke doing the chair dance.

Finally, Cam and Gloria get back to Gloria’s home. She just wants a nap after lunch but Cam needs to stall.

Jay’s date, Dave, is not only shocked that is Phil married, but also that Claire approves of Phil’s alternate lifestyle and date. He calls Cam, and Cam encourages him to press forward offering the advice, “This kennel is for bulldogs only.”

Phil pours the margaritas and uses his iPad to turn on the fireplace. Whoops, that was supposed to be the TV! His date tries to establish some ground rules. I so love Phil.

Mitchell knows that his father would rather assemble the crib and take it out to the car by himself rather than asking for help from the store clerk. Mitchell also urges his father to talk to him because Jay’s behavior in the store has been odd. When Jay doesn’t bite, Mitchell walks off. He lets Jay knows as he walks away that he saw him play and spin the mobile, talk to a shrink (at least he was dressed like a shrink) and hug the in-store, character bunny.

Claire encourages Alex by telling her she’s not a “show thing.” Claire acknowledges that she does like it when Alex wins. Alex tells her mom it was easy to blame her for losing. Alex tells Claire that to be honest, she, Alex, is harder on herself than her mom is. They finish the day at water slides with Claire’s seat cushions.

Manny and Luke enter the third Bat Mitzvah and security catches them. Manny knows he has just thirty seconds to find his blonde. He says his piece and offers her a lifetime memory she can’t resist. The adorable blonde joins Manny in a photo booth.

Jay tells Mitchell that the man in the crib store was indeed a shrink. Jay confesses that he needs to talk to a professional from time to time because of various stressors in his life, most recently, that the baby was taking over his home office. Mitchell acknowledges that his concerns are normal; Lilly’s room was originally Mitchell’s office, and he felt the same way.

Cam is talking Gloria’s ear off so she can take a nap; she’s over it. She brushes past him and in the nursery she finds the painted image of “light and love.” Jay is wearing a towel, looking like he’s in a country club sauna, Gloria is looking glamorous, and Manny is floating above the clouds in soft pastels that are painted just above the crib.

Phil’s date Dave tries to make his move. Classic Phil heads him off at the pass. Finally, after Phil accidentally spills the drinks on the two of them, they stand shirtless and hug after an interception. Phil offers to take things up to the bedroom. Phil, in classic Phil form, plays naivety to perfection and Dave is the one who decides to exit. But as he does, he kisses Phil on the mouth. Phil now finally understands.