Caddy bickering, golf cart racing, cartwheels, and tons of alcohol consumption: this episode had it all! These vacation episodes are always the best. Even a mini-vacation causes so much chaos the ladies can’t even handle it.
Back to the dinner table where Brandi told Adrienne to “shut the fuck up,” the aftermath is so much more than the actual altercation. After Adrienne so rudely called out that Kim was crying, several times, the women were left to make their commentary and pick sides. With Brandi chasing after Kim to the bathroom, Kyle was left to insist that her behavior was so inappropriate. Only Lisa was in defense of Brandi, because she like us knows what a foul mouth Brandi has, and she agreed that Adrienne was wrong. Right or wrong, Kyle can’t believe she would say that, and Yolanda is offended by everyone’s behavior. This is not how ladies act; Yolanda is so in for it, that she’ll have a meltdown by season’s end based on how low her tolerance is for bad behavior. As Lisa said, saying “shut the fuck up” is the same as saying “back off” in Brandi speak. Adrienne Maloof is aloof to the drama she caused, and Kyle is the maddest of all.
In the bathroom Kim balls her eyes out and her and Brandi are in a better place. Once they return to the table, Brandi brings up her book deal, stating that she’s sure no one even cares. Deep down, no one is happy for her, except Lisa of course. Taylor starts meditating to deal with the announcement, and Brandi says it’s so hard for women to be happy for each other, but that’s ridiculous. During last season’s reunion after Taylor wrote her book, following the suicide of her abusive husband, Brandi made a lot of shocking remarks. She implied that Taylor was merely reaping the benefits of her fifteen minutes of fame, that she wrote her book a hot minute after Russell’s death. Those are the kind of things people think and never say. After making the accusations there’s no way Taylor owes Brandi any kind of congratulations, so Taylor’s crazy display is justified. As awkward as the whole book announcement is, it isn’t over yet. When Taylor confronts Brandi for writing a book after the things she said to her at the reunion, Adrienne announces she just so happens to have her own book as well. Don’t they all? I mean, who doesn’t? Kyle has a book; anyone at the table who doesn’t soon will. Make your money ladies.
The next morning they all go to a picnic on golf carts. Lisa and Yolanda are the drivers and they get into a really dangerous race. All the ladies are screaming and freaking out, Yolanda gets competitive and kicks Lisa’s ass. At the picnic, Lisa wears sneakers and they attempt to play badminton which was hilarious. No one said they were athletes.
Next they all go to a spa and rub mud all over themselves. Kim randomly has an orgasm while soaking in the lavender infused mud that she only rubbed on her knees for some reason. After a moment of silence, Yolanda throws a whole pitcher of cold water all over Kyle, and a huge water fight breaks out. These ladies are so giddy; I can’t believe they’re actually having fun together.
At dinner that evening, Brandi keeps her cool and actually doesn’t cause any drama. She surveys the women about whether or not they had C-sections or vaginal births. Camille feels left out because she didn’t give birth to her kids, she instead had a surrogate. Why is Camille still on the show? She was fired, and she’s still being interviewed and having her own segments. She’s even hosting a party next week and will be on the show again.
The ladies are getting completely hammered, well except for Kim and Yolanda. Yolanda broke her back and is having lamb fetuses cells injected into her body, so she can’t have alcohol. Kim, the host of the entire trip is celebrating her new found sobriety, and so to show their appreciation her closest friends are consuming way too much alcohol. How supportive. Kim and Yolanda excuse themselves from the wild drunkenness to rest up. Yolanda would much rather get up at the crack of dawn to exercise. This woman is too damn rich even for this show.
This is when all hell breaks loose. It all starts with a little harmless arm wrestling. Taylor and Brandi kiss on the lips, and what begins as arm wrestling turns into full on wrestling and Taylor mounts Brandi. Next up is Adrienne, who completely tries to cheat and keeps grabbing Brandi’s wrist instead of her hand. What the hell was that all about? Next we turn to gymnastics, the women start doing handstands and falling onto the bed. They’re making so much noise in the room right above Yolanda, and even start banging on the floor calling her name. I was expecting Yolanda to come busting in completely infuriated. She’s so rich, she wouldn’t stand for that. Everyone is acting so wacky and having a great time, Lisa’s boob pops out of her shirt, and we also get to see Taylor’s ass from doing handstands in a maxi dress.
The next morning everyone hung over, packs up and leaves in a giant limo bus. A great vacation was had, and everything is wonderful. Not really, because Brandi and Adrienne get into it again about the big “shut the fuck up” issue. Adrienne claims that she didn’t mean to call attention to Kim crying; she was simply concerned (yeah right.) Brandi, who obviously sees right through her, is forced to say she didn’t take it that way, rather than say, "Bitch, no you didn’t." They bicker back and forth, and obviously have some other issues going on, that Adrienne is oblivious to. She’s always so innocent in every situation, wait a minute, she’s always in every situation! They all must be big misunderstandings, right?
The big issue that is about to hit us hard is of course in regards to what else: twitter. Twitter is the most important part of a “real housewives” personal life and career. They live off of it, and they need it to survive. Adrienne and Paul allegedly tried to force Brandi to tweet nice things about them once it got out that they were feuding with Lisa. She refused, and next week Paul calls her an asshole. It’s going to be a great fight. As I’ve said before Paul is a major drama queen. The Maloofs are bringing it this season; I can’t wait until this next party!
What did you think of the Ojai trip? Some of you don’t like Brandi; some of you were on her side last week. Despite the fun gymnastics this week, there’s a storm coming. Whose side will you be on? Is Adrienne falsely accused yet again, or is she a secret shit-stirrer? Go here.
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