Hold onto your weaves is right. Parental discretion is advised once we get to the part where Phaedra puts on her sex shop stripper-kini. But before the trip, there’s the last issue to put to rest, Kim’s departure. Kim has left the building, swatting the cameras away like they had no business filming her. One second she’s being filmed for a reality show, and the next she’s telling the cameras to get the fuck away like they’re paparazzi and she’s a star.
Kim no longer has time for her friends. Kroy is her best friend and that’s all she needs. They’re not her friends, according to her, and she doesn’t seem to care. Kim lost the desire to socialize with the other women a long time ago. She would much rather we watch her sit at home eating pizza and yelling at the help on her own show. Back at the table, Cynthia is most angry about the fact that she specifically picked the date for the trip according to Kim’s schedule, and missed some paying job. Kandi and NeNe both knew from the beginning that she wasn’t going to go, but Kandi also lost money because of it. All Kim had to do was tell the truth or make her excuse early on; sadly she and her wigs are no more.
Kandi talks about Kim with her mom, and her mom brings up a great point. At the wedding Kandi and her mom watched Kim’s mom be escorted out of the party (for using a bathroom in the house rather than a porta-potty.) Kandi’s mom thinks that someone who could do that to their mother, and still not be on speaking terms with her, isn’t going to care about not speaking to her friends either. She doesn’t know why Kandi would be surprised to never hear from her again with that kind of behavior, and she’s right. Kim won’t speak to these women again, at least not in real life for any reason other than “Bravo TV.”
Peter and Cynthia go out to dinner with Porsha, and Peter is giddy about meeting Kordell Stewart, because he is a huge football fan. Kordell doesn’t come so he’s stuck with the two women alone. He’s so star struck about meeting Kordell that he invites them on the trip to Anguilla. One problem, Kenya has already invited herself. Porsha and Kenya don’t get along, and Cynthia loves Porsha for that reason alone. Any enemy of Kenya’s is a friend of Cynthia’s. Porsha knows that Kordell will most likely not want to go on a trip with people he never met, but after a massage and plate of food she’s sure to convince him (not to mention a contractual obligation I’m sure.)
At the airport the couples gather much like they did last year on their way to Africa, when it was the talls versus the smalls. Now the men are involved so the behavior is sure to be better, right? Kenya doesn’t see Porsha, so she doesn’t say hello. This woman thinks her bitchiness is so hilarious, it’s really wearing thin. Kenya also hopes that Walter will be proposing on the trip, I’m sure he won’t.
Once they arrive they take a boat to the resort, and Kenya jumps at the wheel. She goes into super drive and all the women are clinging at their weaves, their clothes, and for their lives. Poor Cynthia’s dress completely malfunctions and she ends up almost naked with her boob out and her dress all the way up. Everyone acts like it’s OK, but I just can’t stand Kenya. Everything she does is annoying, rude, inappropriate, or really pathetic.
Speaking of pathetic, Kenya can’t even pass a billboard for diamonds without bringing up engagement rings. Get over it! Walter, get out of this as fast as you can. She harasses him about getting engaged, and everyone rolls their eyes. At the hotel, Kenya gets a junior suite, and she’s not happy. No bathtub? Unacceptable, she hates the room and wants to leave.
Phaedra refuses to get in the hot tub because it’s loaded with STD’s. Her doctor even told her not to go in; her honey pot is too precious. Apollo wants to know why her vagina is more important than his, you know, and they actually call the doctor. No bacteria are going near Phaedra’s honey pot, everybody knows.
Peter is planning on making Cynthia his sex slave for the next three days, unfortunately for her; I don’t think she knew that was the plan. This is the only way to make up for the honeymoon they took with Cynthia’s daughter, so she’s in for it now. They’re also ecstatic for NeNe and Gregg getting back together. According to Peter, Gregg whispered in his ear that NeNe wasn’t going horseback riding; the only thing she’d be riding is Gregg. Did I mention how traumatized I am after this episode? House-couples gone wild in Anguilla - and it only gets worse from here.
As everyone is hanging out by the pool area enjoying their day, Kenya must have realized that she didn’t have all the attention. She’s also super attracted to Apollo, and is so desperate to make Walter jealous that she apparently flirts with everyone she sees, married or not. Kenya randomly pushes Apollo into the pool, and Phaedra is not pleased. She does not want anyone touching her man, especially Kenya who seems to have no boundaries. What’s worse is when Apollo picks her up and throws her in the pool. As Phaedra is talking about Kenya touching her husband, we watch as he has her over his shoulder with his hand on her ass. Maybe Phaedra should be mad at Apollo, no?
Kenya is trying to make Walter jealous, and now Phaedra is trying to make Kenya jealous. At breakfast Phaedra emerges in a low, low, low cut fishnet dress with a thong on, her ass completely exposed. It’s what nightmares are made of, and so shocking I’m more shocked at the lack of shock by everyone else. They all act pleased to see her donkey bootie, and actually go in public with her. Another boat trip, poor NeNe just wants to get in a car. She’s sick of the boat to the boat that takes you to the boat.
At the beach, Kenya pretty much begs Walter to marry her that weekend in Anguilla. She just wants to elope, it’s time. She’s of the age, and she has to be married. It’s so pathetic, and Walter is trying so hard to let her down gently that he gives her the old “we’ll see.” Remember when you’re parents said “we’ll see” or something to that effect, it means NO.
That night, Kenya continues to flirt with everyone, and then proceeds to grind her ass in Peter’s crouch in the name of dancing. NeNe recollects her stripper days and does show her moves proudly. The raunchiness is plentiful, and Kenya throws herself at everyone for Walter’s attention, supposedly.
The show ends with the beginning to what becomes an explosive argument. Ever seen Phaedra get into a fight? You will. Kenya tops off her vile, distasteful, slutty behavior by taking things with Phaedra and Apollo a little further. She asks Phaedra which two of her friends she would let Apollo have sex with hypothetically as a birthday present. Again, Phaedra is not pleased. Kenya needs to back off; she’s so annoying and tries way too hard. Her hyper-sexuality on this trip just proves how desperate for attention she is, and I really hope for her sake it’s just for the show. Walter, seriously get out now.
If these two do end up engaged or married, I’ll eat my words. What do you think of Kenya on this trip so far? It’s only going to get worse but her behavior is pretty bad so far. Does anyone out there actually like Kenya? Let me know here.
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