After so many memorable fights this season, it’s no wonder there is so much tension at the reunion. Everyone showed up in their diamonds and ball gowns for one reason: to throw down. Even the quietest and most boring of housewives have taken bitchiness to a new level, and whether it is to stay relevant or to seek vengeance, they make saying goodbye so hard.
The first topic to gain closure tonight is Lisa’s lingerie party. A lot happened at this party and there’s a lot to cover. First up, why did Joanna chase down Adriana only to get physically assaulted? Simply put, she was drunk. These women hate each other more now than they ever did, and so they won’t be making up tonight. Joanna does however admit to regretting how much she drank. Adriana regrets getting physical and Marysol chimes in that she was depressed about it for two weeks. Of course Adriana never should have hit Joanna, other than that there’s not much to dissect in this argument. What was it even about again? Oh yeah, Karent’s article where she called the ladies “Botox for brains.” Well guess what? Karent has proof via a tweet that the reporter admitted that Karent didn’t say any of those things. Now knowing that, Adriana apologizes to Karent.
Lisa feels disrespected by the way everyone acted at her party. Adriana with her tits out, smacking Joanna; Joe Francis just being there; it was all offensive. She’s mad that no one ever apologized, and they all offer apologies tonight, which she finds to be too little too late. Lisa thinks this never would have happened at a Lea Black Gala, and I wish it did.
Adriana is called out for always claiming that Joanna was a prostitute, and she claims her pictures were stolen for escort websites. Joanna’s totally innocent, and she’s sick of Adriana’s accusations. So what if she was in playboy twice? Maybe she was in a foot-fetish tickle-fest adult video. She hosted a “Girls Gone Wild,” she wasn’t in it! She’s totally innocent. Speaking of “Girls Gone Wild,” no she never slept with Joe Francis. According to Adriana she did, but according to Alexia Joe Francis admitted to being there to stir up trouble. Lea says Joe didn’t even know Joanna would be there, but that’s obviously a lie. Ana calls him a “prop” for Lea to bring to the party, because by herself she’s too boring. That’s why she uses Elaine Lancaster as a prop, to stay relevant. Lea gets so upset every time Ana yells at her that she jumps off the couch. Lea calls Ana the most boring person on the show, and Ana tells her this isn’t the “Old and the Restless,” so she should take her “Geritol” and grab her walker. I loved every minute of Ana in these two episodes, whatever happened that made her this way I don’t know, but it’s great. Lea calls her “evil to the core,” and Ana is unfazed.
Alexia joins the cast as a part-time housewife, and talks about both of her sons. Her son Frankie was in a horrific car accident which is what led to her taking a step back from the show. Her other son was arrested for hitting a homeless man and putting the video on YouTube. So just what is Alexia’s problem with Karent? It’s obvious to everyone that she had the biggest problem with her. Alexia explains that after knowing and being friendly with Karent for months, it wasn’t until the cameras were rolling that she asked how her son was doing. Karent swears she did call and did ask, but Alexia denies it. I don’t believe Alexia that was the reason, nor do I believe that her son beat up a homeless man because he was upset about his brother’s accident. Sure there may be some truth to that, but that’s just an excuse.
On to Karent, the most hated woman all season long. From the smile that pissed everyone off, to her carrier pigeon ways, Karent seemed to have plenty of explanations and even garnered some apologies tonight. It seemed it was all taken back, although we will never know the truth about Rodolfo. There’s so much weight to the theory that they weren’t really together. Ana claims that Rodolfo called Karent a “Fatal Attraction” stalker, and said they weren’t together. They also say that Karent, to be on the show, used her Tella Novella star “boyfriend” to gain relevance and get on.
Lea said something tonight that I wrote a few months ago about how the girls were treating Karent, “the punishment doesn’t fit the crime.” Looking back tonight, that rings true with everyone being so accepting of her defense. For some reason, it all makes sense and she has so much to back up all of her actions. The evil seems to now lie on Alexia, Ana, and Adriana, who all basked in the joy of seeing her hurt in Bimini.
Alexia claims innocence in that she polled the women who all agreed that they should tell Karent about Rodolfo’s infidelity. They all decided to tell Lisa, and have Lisa tell Karent. Sure, that’s true, although they didn’t give Lisa any privacy to tell her. Lisa finally speaks up, they put her on the spot and when she wanted to tell Karent they all gathered as an audience. They just wanted to see the look on Karent’s face, and they can deny it all they want but that’s absolutely true. They claim they wanted to make sure Lisa told the truth, which is pure bullshit. It’s at this point that I can tell that Andy is annoyed and wants to move on.
Now it’s time to go through all the rumors of the season. It’s all so that we can get to the last one that Joanna said, that Alexia’s husband is gay. Alexia says everything out of Joanna’s mouth is trash. Where did that come from? Since when did they have a problem? Well now Ana says she heard Rodolfo is gay, yeah OK. Then there are the rumors from Lea’s “jokes” about Marysol’s husband just wanting a gift card. Marysol starts crying to gain sympathy when she yells out that she was a bad wife. Lea calls her out for just wanting to be the victim (true) and she also squawks about throwing a skunk in a jury, a metaphor everyone ignores.
Mama Elsa comes out to answer everyone’s questions for her, and Andy has to slowly interpret everything she says in his head and repeat it. She says nothing comes from the heart with these ladies, and they’re not spiritual. I kind of agree. She’s mad at Joanna for calling her a prostitute, although she called her the devil. She’s no longer friends with Thomas Kramer, and that’s about it. The best part was when she called Karent “number three” because she didn’t know her name and she was the third person on the couch.
Andy now goes around the room to ask everyone about they’re relationships and/or future. The women who just got divorced are now moving on, and the women who just got engaged are planning weddings. That’s really all there is, and the season has now come to an end.
What did you think of the reunion? Are you as over this season as I am? Yes, I loved it, but I can no longer process thoughts about Rodolfo or Joe Francis. I’m ready to put all these issues behind me. Let me know what you think here.
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