I am taking a deep breath. The episode is over and I just cried when I saw someone who lost 15 lbs., almost 4% of their body weight, was eliminated because he lost the lowest percentage of weight on his team. WTF? That nearly flat lined me. This is a very difficult program for me to watch, for a number of reasons and that is one of them.

Having worked in the weight loss industry for several years I know that healthy loss is about 1% of your body weight. Anything consistently more than that and we worry you are starving yourself or not following the program in a healthy way.

I don't know how long the biggest loser weeks are, but I have a friend who has let me know it’s not a true week, so that puts me at ease. Admittedly, the first two weeks the loss amounts of anyone following consistently are typically higher than 1% because of water loss.

It's also a hard program for me to watch because it makes me face my own demons regarding food and physical activity, I am not in the mood to write more about that right now, but I will share that they are issues that I need addressed because the crust from the chocolate I was eating during last night’s show was pretty crusted on the keyboard. Yep, obviously I have big issues. 125 lost pounds of them, but dispute the loss, I am not cured and I won't be cured, ever, even when I'm at my goal weight.

Motivation comes in peaks and valleys. Right now I am in my own personal valley, which rests quietly under a rock and that is why I am challenging myself to watch the show (not just forward through the workouts while eating,) and face my issues and make a conscious effort to allow the show to help me tweak some things in my own food and physical activity program that just isn't working.

Like what physical activity plan? Despite my weight loss success, I've never had one. I'm confessing everything here. That will leave very little to confess to my priest, he'll miss me I'm sure.

Because I have personal issues with the speed of the contestants weight loss on the show, I am going to give myself one year. One year to lose 52 lbs. That is an average loss of 1 lb. a week, using healthy weight loss practices leveraging both food and physical activity.

My highest weight was documented in 2007 at 294. Today I weigh 178. In 2009, about half way through my journey, at 248 lbs., I elected to lap band surgery, in Mexico.

I know what it feels like to be at rock bottom. Trust me.

My lowest weight since my surgery was 154, which was less than 90 days ago. Obviously I need to figure out what's wrong and figure it out quickly. I am sitting on a ticking time bomb.

I really admire the people who choose to dedicate themselves to being on this show. They are surrendering themselves to their addiction (I do believe that for some, the act of eating to excess is an addiction).

Enough about me, now let’s move on to the show.

The Trainers this season are:

Bob - level headed and sensible

Dolvet - he has a smile no one can resist. He just sparkles. From what I've seen from him in the past, he'll give you just enough rope but, even more importantly, catch you before you hang yourself

Jillian - tough love

It's a trainer’s job to push you beyond your personal limits, and and all 3 are very skilled at this.

The mission of this season is childhood obesity. The Ambassadors for Change are Sunny 16, Noah 13 (Bingo,) and Lindsay 13. They will make a weekly appearance while working and living a safe food and exercise program at home. There will be no eliminations.

Our Contestants:

Michael - 34, high energy, he ran down the ramp with a childlike energy.  
This must be the season where everyone has an amazing smile because as he stood next to his wife and infant son, you could literally feel her support and love for him.

Lisa - 36, a married mother of four is a special education teacher. She reminds me a lot of Marcy from a few seasons ago. My nickel is on her that she will be a silent leader in the house.

Jackson - 21, is visually a cross between Drew Carey and the actor who plays Mitchell from Modern Family. There is something about him that puts you in his corner straight away. Sadly, he had some difficulty day one with his physical health and he's restricted to waking.

Nathan - 25, sweet and sincerely in love with his lovely girlfriend. His passion to provide for her leaps through the TV screen.

Frangelina - most beautiful name I've ever heard. I love that she wore hot pink.

Pam - she is a Snow White lookalike. Trust me; wait till finale night. They will have her raven hair in a smart bob and her milky white skin glammed up in a red cocktail dress and bright red lipstick. She will be stunning, I have not one doubt. On a side, I'm skipping a little ahead, but, she has a considerable about of screen time. I have a feeling that is a subtle hint from the producers she's going pretty far.

 Gina - One of my personal female favorites. There is just something about her.

Alex - (I think that's her name). She is gorgeous. This woman is stunning. Her dark hair is so shiny it looks as if it's been kissed by angels. I'm interested to hear her story. It wouldn't surprise me to learn she was a former model or beauty queen.

Kate – She’s an adorable blonde who appears to be a little younger than Gina. They have similar looks in that you know when it's make over time, the visual change will be dramatic.

Jeff - My nickel is on him.

David - He wore a raspberry polo. I love it.

Next, here comes a very nice looking man with graying temples. It's a distinguished look. He doesn't look as old as David. I can't catch his name for the life of me.

Nicki –She is a beautiful blonde and has a beauty that is like Alex. She doesn't look like Alex, but both women are unusually attractive. That's a bad choice of words. If either of these two women entered a room of 100 people, they'd stand out for their beauty, regardless of their weight. Don’t give up Nicki. Take it meal at a time, one workout at a time, one small change at a time. Ask for help when you need it. Commit and be fearless and give yourself as much time as it takes.

Danni - 25, Danni is lovely as well. This season is like the others in that they choose very good-looking people as contestants. What I like about that, since I did use to weigh and measure people for a living, is it shows at any size you can take pride in your appearance today and really make a difference. And I believe having that difference, the motivation as simple as it sounds, to look your best is a statement of how you feel on the inside, and having that confidence on the inside gets you much closer to the finish line, than the pain of hitting rock bottom.

TC - 30, He was introduced to us before he was introduced as a contestant if that makes sense. He may be the guy to watch. He is the married father of three children. He's carrying an enormous amount of guilt after an auto accident in which his seatbelt broke, causing injuries to one of his sons. It is a very touching story. He is a very attractive man, even today.

And we are off to the ranch. Almost immediately Nicki leaves. Was she pushed too far by Jillian? Jillian's tough love approach may not be right for everyone but it is the right fit for some. Sometimes, despite everything falling into place around you, it is not the right time, and that may have been the biggest reason she choose to leave. Jillian offered Nicki the out and she took it.

I'm disappointed they didn't bring in a sub or not have elimination. It makes my heart heavy. TC, who I really thought was going to be around a long time, especially since his trainer, Jillian, began to tell him in the end that he was "good" in the fact she didn't have concerns about his performance in the gym. I'm also a little beside myself, and angry at the TV, the program, and the producers, because the white team was the winner of the physical activity competition prior.

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