The setting of our finale remains entirely at Lisa’s housewarming/vow renewal party. We left off last week with Brandi and Yolanda walking away from one, Faye Resnick, seething with hatred for Brandi and her bad girl ways. We begin with the aftermath of that confrontation, in Brandi and Yolanda filling everyone in one-by-one on Faye butting in and putting her “dick on the table.” Marisa comes back to finish the conversation, and says that Faye was trying to defend her. Then Yolanda chimes in that not only did Marisa not need any back up, but that Faye was in no way helping her, she was simply talking shit. All true! Marisa is hesitant to agree but they resolve their issue nonetheless. Brandi admits to her hall pass advice not being the best, clearly. Yolanda tells Marisa not to put a girl down in front of other women if she likes said girl> This is good advice that no housewife in Bravo history has ever followed. Brandi has one last question for Marisa (and then we can say goodbye to Marisa probably forever,) "Just who was it that said that Brandi would sleep with a married man?" Why, it was Faye, of course.
Across the yard there’s Faye getting into it with Lisa. She really wanted to be a big part of this finale, didn’t she? Her fight with Lisa is so stupid, with her claiming that Lisa uses Brandi to fight her battles for her. She says that Lisa winds Brandi up and gives her the ammo to go out there and bash Lisa’s enemies. Lisa, shocked and offended, takes it as a major insult in her own home, at her own party. She brings up the stupid Bobby Fischer comment that they’ve shown the clip of about thirty times this season. OK, first of all, Faye’s just saying this stuff to be on the show, no doubt. There’s no reason to say that Lisa is using Brandi to fight her battles, when she really hasn’t. Lisa wasn’t like, oh Brandi I don’t like Adrienne, go start a fight with her. Lisa has no problem hosting her own fights; she doesn’t need anyone to fight for her. I’m really sick of the topic of people fighting each other’s battles, but now as the crowd gathers, it’s the only topic.
Lisa accuses Faye too of being a mouthpiece for Kyle, another comment we’ve heard a dozen times this season. That one though, may be true. Kyle doesn’t like confrontation, and Faye takes it upon herself to go around and fight everyone for her. Not that Kyle wants that either, she’s mortified. As she watches this fight, she still can’t bring herself to stick up for Lisa, and basically takes Faye side. Brandi and Yolanda again argue with Faye and shoo her away, she’s ridiculous. She brings up Brandi having sex in Kyle’s bathroom again, and although Brandi doesn’t deny something going on, they all confer that Faye didn’t see it, so she should shut her mouth. Brandi’s absolutely correct in everything she says to and about Faye tonight. The bottom line is that she doesn’t really know her, and Faye should stop talking about her. Done! Go away Faye. Hopefully, you are not a part of next season. The outcry of hatred should be reason enough for Andy to file you away among the rejects.
Once the group scatters, Kyle is left to try and figure out just what everyone is talking about when they say that Faye speaks for her and fights Brandi. Unfortunately, she’s talking to Kim. She says that everyone must be talking about Faye defending Adrienne against Brandi, because like Brandi has never done anything else ever. Umm, hello? What about when she called Kim a meth head on national television? Kim is already in tears before she can even form the sentence. Hey Kyle, what about what Brandi did to me, am I not more important than Adrienne? I totally understood what Kim was saying, and even thought about it before she said it. Kyle is then like fine, well regardless, that’s minor. In addition to Adrienne, there’s my sister I guess. Kim takes major offense, and says that maybe Faye hates Brandi because of something that pushed her into the biggest depression of her life, could that be possible? Kyle can’t even handle anything that’s happening and dismisses Kim, as usual. I saw what she was saying, and I feel bad that Kyle didn’t see it. I don’t think she meant anything bad, but Kyle just didn’t see Kim.
Adrienne shows up for what I’m assuming is a contractual obligation. She and Paul have separated and she’s just been served papers. She arrives in tears and Kyle immediately breaks down sobbing, “Adrienne we’re here for you.” Kyle, Kim, Camille, and Mauricio all gather around Adrienne and cry, while Lisa looks on from the backyard not knowing if she should go over or not. Maybe it was cold of Lisa, maybe it wasn’t. I tend to agree with Lisa in wondering, what is she doing there? Whether she was waiting to go over or not, she lost her opportunity as Adrienne left without even entering the back room. Ken took serious offense to Adrienne not saying hello, but I think that’s a little much.
Yolanda doesn’t like it when girls talk about each other, but she’s talking major shit about Adrienne while Adrienne cries in the living room. Yolanda thinks that Adrienne avoided the confrontation all season long, but she shouldn’t have been instigating it if all she wanted was peace. She’s right, but whatever. Adrienne tells us how cold hearted Lisa was for not coming over, but we don’t know how long she was there.
Lisa goes upstairs to cry a little as she is mad about her party being ruined with all the bickering and crying. Brandi cheers her up and encourages her to renew her vows with Ken. Lisa feels bad that she’s celebrating thirty years while Adrienne and Paul are splitting up. She's not so cold-hearted after all. The vow renewal is really sweet and the rest of the episode is spent eating cake and celebrating love.
Whether you were team Brandi, Kyle, Lisa, or Adrienne this season, we can all agree on the lessons we’ve learned. Don’t talk behind each other’s backs, not if you really care. Don’t drop bombs of gossip without being able to cover lawyer’s fees. Don’t oversleep if you want to prove your new found sobriety, and always know where your nanny has dropped off your daughter. Oh and don’t put your dick on the table at a vow renewal ceremony, the recurring theme of this season has definitely been to know when to keep your mouth shut.
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