The Bachies and The Batties - The Bachelors

The Bachies and the Batties –

I know you’ve waited a long time for this!

First of all, I humbly apologize for not finishing my Bachies and Batties article prior to ABC running their own version. Again, I said it first. Just remember that.

I tried again to watch the Bachelorette. Again starting with the first episode, admittedly, maybe that’s my problem – yes I know we are already half way through the season. Still not inspired I threw up my hands and Googled who she chose (which I will not reveal in this article) and now I understand everything.

Her choice is so obvious that they had to run with something else. This is why all of the men look like complete, boring, obnoxious, media hungry, jerks. All except him, because I won’t reveal who she chose but he’s the guy in every edit with his eye brows raised and an expression that says “I can’t believe this is happening.”

Now that I know who she chose, and I have solid information that yes, not only did she get engaged, she’s still engaged, I can go back, starting early this morning and watch the 5 episodes I yawned though and just focus on him.

After the Final Rose Episode I’ll give y’all a recap of just the two of them. Doesn’t that sound fun? I’m looking forward to it all ready.

I want to give a little nod to two editorialists that inspired me to write. One, who as my snarky style wrote that Sean should give Catherine a fantasy suite card at their wedding reception, followed by Chris Harrison clinking his wine glass and telling Sean he can give the “final” rose. Hysterical! Bravo!

Then I thought, does that mean she’ll never be sent roses again? Maybe she’s sick of them by now. Maybe seeing a red rose fills her with stress and anxiety? It certainly would me. Seriously, I think I’d need weeks, months of therapy, even if I was the chosen one, if I was on one of those shows.

The second editorialist will remain nameless. A woman scorned with a pen/cloud is a dangerous thing. In light of this, I thought I should give a nod to the nice guys out there.

And now what you’ve all been waiting for since March, The Bachies and Batties.

Let’s start with our Bachelors.

Our first category is, “Is he a nice guy, and would a normal gal (not a crazy) want to date him.” A Bachie is a big YES, and a Battie is sadly a NO.

Season 1 – Alex Michel – Bachie

I didn't see Alex's season as it aired, instead I saw the entire season played together on a Sunday with my mom and daughters. By the time it was over we had our Champagne and See’s Candy out. It was a wonderful day I’ll never forget. We all were shocked when Alex chose Amanda over Trista, but that was the choice that made the show what it is today. My hat is off to the editors. I believe Alex is still single.

Season 2 – Aaron Buerge – Bachie

Aaron, Alex and Sean have something in common. They were all, simple as it sounds “nice” guys. And contrary to popular belief, nice guys finish first. Aaron’s biggest mistake is picking a crazy, Helene, who then wrote a book about her experience with Gwyn, the girl he let go because he was concerned about the way she felt about him. In other words Gwyn, he liked you, more than he felt you liked him. That was certainly a valid reason, even though, you were the front runner. Aaron is married and has a daughter.

Season 3 – Andrew Firestone – Bachie

Dear, sweet, droopy eyed Andrew. Is it just me, or did that bother y’all too? I was on the fence about Andrew, not then, but today. The reason why is Jen, we will get more into that later when it’s time to give some Batties to the women. Spoiler Alert! Andrew had the first Final Two “decision” that was represented as Good vs. Evil, it was subtle but we all got the idea. How sad is that? He choose Good, and had an on again off again relationship with Jen until finally calling it quits. He’s now married with children.

Season 4 – Bob Guiney – Battie

I’m so sorry. I sincerely apologize to all of the Bob fans. I will confess that in my opinion Bob was the Bachelor who was most my type. I liked him until his relationship with Estella ended, and I am not sure it ever got off the ground in the first place. Bob ended up marrying someone who hosted a Bachelor rerun show, who really didn’t personally care for Trista based on a comment about the location of her honeymoon with Ryan “probably somewhere Trista chose” was the comment she made. I still remember it because it came off as if she felt Trista was a spoiled child and she, Rebecca was “so over it.” It might have been true, who knows, we don’t know what goes on behind the scenes but to suggest that Trista was out of line to choose her honeymoon location seemed very strange to me. Maybe it’s just me. There is probably much more to the story. Bob appeared on the Bachelorette, Trista’s season. He and Rebecca are divorced and I believe he’s single.

Season 5 – Jesse Palmer – Battie

Jesse was the first of many guys who just weren’t likeable. I remember nothing from his season because I didn’t watch it. He chose Jessica but there relationship never got off the ground, if it even ever began. Jessica stood in a window and watched Jesse break up with the other girl because the other girl was so nervous she was too sick to attend first. How is that for a visual?

Season 6 – Byron Velvick – Undecided

Byron was chosen by the contestants to be the Bachelor, and he paid them back, by not falling for any of them. The producers noticed straight away, and brought in two girls from other seasons and Mary was one of them. His relationship with Mary was a long one and resulted in her arrest. Yep yep yep! I’m not sure if a 5 year engagement drove her to violence or if she was a crazy and he was such a charming guy he was enabling her and masking her faults.

Season 7 – Charlie O’Connel – Undecided

Sadly, Charlie was the most real, unique thinking Bachelor ever, but he was a drunk. It breaks my heart just thinking about it. Charlie has been sober several years and his relationship with Sarah was on again, off again, on again, off again, but at least they cared enough to try.

Season 8 – Travis Stork – Undecided

I never got into this season. Travis and Sarah lived inches from each other, yet were not able to keep the relationship going or it never quite got off the ground. He is married.

Season 9 – Lorenzo Borghese – Battie

Lorenzo is the second Bachelor where backups were brought in. Lorenzo’s backup didn’t speak English. I wonder if she would like Juan Pablo. Lorenzo is the first of two Bachelors to choose someone and then start a relationship with the other choice. I believe Lorenzo’s relationship with Sara was considerably longer than his relationship with Jennifer.

Season 10 – Andy Baldwin - Undecided

Sigh, another Baldwin on reality TV! How many of these guys are there, Alec – gorgeous hot head that he is. I think he’s a little bored since 30 Rock had their finale, Stephen – Barney Rubbles twin, William – not quite as good looking as Alec but a close second, Daniel – who appeared on Dr. Drew.

Oh wait; he’s not one of “those” Baldwin’s.

And he chose Tessa, who came off as the sweetest contestant ever. My Googling says that Travis did propose, I don’t remember it that way. I remember that he patted her knee in the “After the Finale Rose” live show and said that Tessa “needs baby steps.” This implied to me that she was the one who needed to slow things down.

Season 11 & 15 – Brad Womack – Battie

Sixty women and no relationship - enough said! I do admire you for not stringing DeAnna along, but I would have preferred that you do what Charlie did and ask to date a little longer. It sounds like his relationship with Emily was pretty volatile.

Season 12 – Matt Grant – Battie

I slept through this season. I only watched a one or two episodes and although Shayne wouldn’t have been my choice - but not too many women would have liked the pet name “monkey.” Matt had extensive dental work prior to appearing on the show.

Season 13 – Jason Mesnick – Undecided

I’m undecided about this single dad and essentially everyone else on this season, including Melissa, with the exception of Molly. She gets a Bachie for calling him out at the rose ceremony and giving him another chance. It’s obvious she really does love him unconditionally. Molly and Jason are married and they have welcomed a new baby.

Season 14 – Jake Pavelka – Battie

Yawn. Vienna? Seriously. Aly left the show because she just wasn’t that into you. Yea the edits try to make it look like something else, but I seriously think she was like, I’m just not feeling it. I want to go home.

Season 15 – Ben Flajnik – Battie

I think Courtney got bad edits. Although, maybe that opinion was formed solely because of her overwhelming show of emotion during the final rose ceremony and I do think it was in very poor taste to not contact her at all on Valentine’s Day, even though the show was still airing. I think Ben was such a boring Bachelor they had to create drama to get people to watch.

Season 16 – Sean Lowe – Bachie

He is the most likeable, sincere Bachelor in a long long long time. Good luck to him and adorable Catherine in their upcoming nuptials. Rumor has it Sean broke rules to see Catherine while the show was airing. How cute is that?