The Path of Least Resistance
I have a longstanding theory about double eviction night: The best case scenario is for the night to be uneventful. I know this seems counter-intuitive. The entire selling point of double eviction night is the entropy that occurs when people don’t have requisite time to think. It is an opportunity to fluster houseguests into doing things they wouldn’t normally do.
Thursday night was not uneventful.
It didn’t start out that way though. At first, it was looking staid. Aaryn won HOH and predictably nominatedJessie and Spencer for eviction. But then something astonishing happened: After winning veto, she replaced Jessie with Judd, delivering his death sentence.
But curiously—in direct contrast to my prenominate theory and my enduring adoration for Judd—I found myself titillated by what transpired. That was exhilarating television, encapsulating all of the virtues of double eviction espoused by CBS. It was probably the best episode of the season.
However, my id fails to see the big picture. It just craves more. It demands immediate satisfaction, one week of Big Brother in the span of an hour. But the glamour of a Judd blindside isn’t what I really want from double eviction. I want Jessie to go home, not because I dislike Jessie but because it is the most uneventful action.
The downside to double eviction is that we miss all of the machinations that transpire over the course of a week. Now, there are certain junctures in the game when that is preferable. A veteran viewer of Big Brother knows that there are weeks that will inevitably be boring. It is simply the nature of the game. The nadir of this is typically occurs when one side of the house is on the wane, or when a non-player gets evicted.
Jessie fits this paradigm. I have no desire to see the logistics of her eviction. She is an inconsequential player. She occasionally has subversive ideas, but her significance exists only as a number for someone else’s fancy; she doesn’t have the gumption to coordinate a big move on her own. When her endpoint arrives—however heated it may be—it will be inexorable. It will not be even marginally surprising.
Conversely, Judd was a savvy player. Most of his fellow houseguests ascribe Jeremy’s eviction to Judd, for it was Judd who secured Jessie’s vote. He is also a true superfan, someone who could effortlessly recount the events of even Big Brother Canada. Notwithstanding his paranoia, his social presence was superlative. Notice how everyone cried while casting their vote.
When Julie Chen asked Judd to explain what just happened, Judd replied, “I don’t know what happened!” And as a viewer, I mostly felt the same: I don’t know what happened.
On a night where one of the more dynamic players leaves the house, I really regret not knowing that. That is something I would have liked to watch unfold.
Amanda doesn’t think that America nominated her the previous two weeks. Why would they? What has she done to garner such rancor? Is she not a lovely person?
However, in the event that America did nominate her, Amanda has exclusively sent me the following message to relay to America:
Seriously!? What is wrong with you? How stupid can you be? Can’t you see that I’m evicting all of the annoying people? I'm acting in everyone’s best interest. I mean, you’d have to be some kind of glorious imbecile to nominate me. Why would you do that? It doesn’t make any sense!
Let’s think this through. I make all of those glorious jokes in the Diary Room. You guys like those, right? Of course you do. I evicted Howard, and I got into screaming matches with Candice (during a competition) and Jessie (in my underwear.) It was glorious. And they totally had that coming. McCrae told me it was ‘petty,’ but he doesn’t get it. Sometimes I begin to question his intelligence. Moreover, his dictatorship is out of control. I mean, come on McCrae, I needed to do that.
Logic is on my side here. If you disagree, you’re an idiot.
P.S. Are you paying attention to me, America? I'm getting the feeling that you've been gawking at Jessie's ass this whole time.
What up, Kaysar?
Julie inferred that an evicted houseguest will be coming back into the game. Do you think production will let me vote for Kaysar? I really think that he will pull through this time.
 Although not technically a double eviction, the best illustration of this principle is when Matt Hoffman used the diamond Power of Veto to evict Kathy on Big Brother 12. Did we ever want to endure a week of Kathy on the block?
 Ironically, now that Andy won HOH and nominated Jessie (the target) and Spencer, this appears to be the week I’ve been dreading.
 In case this isn’t clear enough, Amanda did not actually send me this missive.
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