Sneaky Steve!

“The Boy, Steve, put me up on the block with my girlfriend. If I win that veto, the Boy is gonna have to become a man real quick, because your mommy’s not here—only Judas is.”     —Austin

I am a huge proponent of the innocent kid strategy. The beauty lies in its three-pronged plan of action: (1) It provides a rock-solid opportunity to lay low, (2) it harnesses your perceived guilelessness as a weapon, and (3) it sets up a personal growth arc. The personal growth arc is key here. If done successfully, like John Cochran’s second season of Survivor, your fellow competitors will actually become emotionally invested in seeing you succeed.

This is why I initially picked Steve Moses to win Big Brother 17.

But Steve blundered into a common pitfall of the innocent kid strategy: His failure to relate to other people made him an early target. Consequently, I expressed regret for picking Steve. He could never acquire his fallen comrades’ votes if he were to make to Final Two, I said.

I don’t think that’s true anymore. I’m not sure when it happened—perhaps it followed his double eviction HoH reign[1]—but something changed. The house stopped rejecting his idiosyncrasies as grating and embraced them as endearing. He went from being the creep to Oscar Boy Garfunkel MacDonald III, Austin and Liz’s make-believe son, Grandma Meg’s grandson. The twins adored Boy. James adored pranking Boy.

Now, Boy still has lessons to learn. He occasionally lacks warmth in social situations. At his worst, he malfunctions and spits out recursive functions[2], sometimes manifesting in a skewed attempt at humor, other times in apologetic spiels regarding his social ineptitude. I have witnessed him derail otherwise pleasant conversations on these tangents. It typically plays as follows:

Steve: Can I ask you a question?

Person: Yes.

Steve: I’m not pressuring you right now, right?

Person: No, not at all.

Steve: Because if I am, I have no right to do so.

Person: You’re not, Steve

Steve: I just want to make sure I’m not pressuring you. I don’t understand social cues. I cross lines without realizing it.

Person: Honestly, Steve, we’re fine here.

Steve: My worst fear is hurting or offending someone and not being cognizant of it. Please, I implore you to point it out to me should I ever cross any boundaries.

Person: Right. You’re still not, Steve.

But ultimately, it’s hard to find fault with Boy’s current position in the house. By winning HoH, he guaranteed himself a spot in the final five. And even though he is nominally responsible for splintering Austwins, Vanessa remains the biggest threat in the house.[3]  So allow me to backtrack and say that Steve could easily receive a majority of jury votes in Final Two.

He’s sneaky, this one—very sneaky. He grew into a Boy right before my eyes, and it was beautiful. Now if this Boy can grow into a man, he could very well win Big Brother 17.

But it’s far from over, Boy. And you’ve just unleashed Judas.


Now That’s What I Call Out of Context Quotes Volume 4

Clay: “I remember when Titanic came out. [My grandmother] took my older brother, and she wouldn’t take me. I was so mad. I wanted to see it because it had, like, boobies in it.”

Jace: “I think a real man smells like a pine tree and wears a hat.”

Austin: “I love Clay Aiken. I’m a Claymate. I’m a fuckin’ Claymate.”

Vanessa: “Your chi is fucked up right now.”

Steve: “I’m totally ripped. I bet they totally cast me as the sex symbol of this season.”

Steve: “There are different styles and types of tonguing.”

Jace: “I had a dream last night that I think potentially was a message from God. . . . Yeah, ‘cause I prayed to him before I went to bed. I said, ‘Dear Lord I would really appreciate it if you showed me who stabbed me in the back in a dream because I have no clue right now.’ And I had the dream, and it was very, very apparent.”

Steve: “I don’t think I’ve ever had my nails done.”

James: “Come on, let’s get some nails painted.”

Johnny Mac: "What if James had his own YouTube channel where he reviews makeup?"

Austin: “You need to wake up in the morning, you put on Clay Aiken. You need to go to bed at night, you put on Clay Aiken. You need to work out, you put on Clay Aiken.”

Becky: “I like to play organic.”

Steve: “Can I ask you a people skills question?”

Julie Chen: When Audrey didn’t show up for the veto meeting, her behavior started trending on Twitter.”

[1] I think Steve also earned points with Austin for defending him during the near backdoor.

[2] Thus earning him the short lived sobriquet, CTRL+ALT +DELETE.

[3] And yet, counterintuitively, Vanessa might be better protected at this moment, for Austin and the remaining twin will be out for blood. Veto is going to be critical next week.