A recap with commentary September 20
Rhonda and Josie start today imagining Chloe at age 22. Name everything that you would want her to have at that age. It’s an assignment about thinking ahead.
Iyanla opens the meeting and today’s session is about Jennifer. The picture is of Jennifer’s parents. Jennifer is remembering being Daddy’s little girl. She also remembers when he changed and started doing drugs. Lots of things changed. Jennifer went to work at age 14 just to have the basics that others got from their parents. At age 12, the SWAT team burst down the door and took her father away for selling drugs. Jennifer has bottled up her feelings about all this up until now. Jennifer has feelings of low self worth. Her goal is to heal and learn to receive love. Today, she is going to learn to receive and to ask for what she needs. All she is to do is to sit on the sofa or go to the pool and write in her journal. Everyone else is to take care of her needs today. Jennifer says her only problem would be in asking Deborah for help. She doesn’t want to owe her anything. Nonetheless, Deborah seems eager to do her part in making Jennifer comfortable.
Dr. Stan the Man is meeting with Jennifer to talk about her father. When was the last time she felt no effects in her life from her father’s problems? He asks her what positive traits she inherited from her father. Jennifer has great difficulty remembering any positive memories. Dr. Katz notes that if Jennifer has positive feelings for her father, she would feel his loss more greatly. Hence, no feelings equal no pain.
Josie orders lunch for everyone. Jennifer wants to eat with the group. Chloe gets a big bite of biscuit and the possibility of her choking sends Josie into young mother hysterics and a lesson learned.
Jennifer is getting an aquatic massage from a woman in a bikini. This must be part of the segments meant to draw male viewers. Jennifer seems unsure, but goes along with the program. The water massage therapist speaks New Age California-ese towards the end. Jennifer looks at her as though she was speaking Mandarin. I wonder if they’re as touchy feeling where Jennifer comes from?
Next, more Josie “bad mom” hysterics with Rhonda. Every young mother makes mistakes and learns from them. No need to punish yourself too much. Back to more feelings of how Chloe will be at 22. Rhonda asks Josie how good a mom she is and she says 99% and I think that’s close to true. She seems to have developed focus and determination to make her and Chloe’s life better. The half sobbing voice thing is still annoying though. What she really has in Life compared to what she needs is a big chunk (as it is for everyone), but one step at a time is how you build a life. When it gets to what Josie deserves, we see the root of some of her problems. Rhonda’s exercise brings the point home clearly to Josie. Rhonda tells her the hard truth that Chloe is not the solution to her problems and Josie seems to understand that fact now.
Jennifer and Deborah clash as usual. Dr. Katz is meeting with Deborah to find out how she is coping in the house. Deborah says the most difficult thing is living with other people. Deborah says she has been dating, most recently the Sunday before she came to the show. It was someone that might become important to her. She goes on to tell Dr. Katz that she has not been intimate with her most recent date and in fact she has been celibate for the last 6 years. (HAHAHAHAHAHA). She says there hasn’t been an intimate relationship at all in the last 6 years. Deborah insists that she doesn’t have to put up with being on the hot seat. She might as well make up a lie to fit in. Deborah says she is minimizing herself to get through the experience. She only has to be 25% real to get by. Her ideas of reality are quite distorted. She seems to have several. She also manages to belittle Jennifer’s problems and exercises later at lunch.
Now Iyanla is meeting with Jennifer, getting to the heart of the matter. Jennifer feels as though she was being punished instead of pampered. She feels like Deborah used her. Iyanla wants to know what it is about Deborah that is so painful to her. Jennifer cries that she’s mean to her, just like all the kids at school. Iyanla brings out that Jennifer needs a voice to defend herself. Jennifer says she used to have one and used to stand up for herself, but somewhere she lost it. Iyanla rocks her like a baby and lets her cry it out. She soothes Jennifer with the phrase, “you don’t have to do it by yourself, anymore.” Sometimes psychology is as simple as what grandmothers the world over already know.