A recap with commentary Wednesday September 29
Kim is journaling about how bad and unfair it is that her makeup and jewelry have been taken away. How could that possibly make any difference in her achieving her goal? Dr. Katz arrives and give Josie a few mothering tips. He’s here to talk to Kim, who doesn’t understand why she shouldn’t wear makeup and dress nice. The exercise isn’t important because she already knows all that stuff. Dr. Katz questions her about her perceived role as the rich woman and her problems with women in particular.
Sommer is on the phone talking to a male friend about all the women in the house. She is starting to get to know everyone and have a better perception of other people’s feeling and questioning how she fits in with this group.
Iyanla meets with Towanda again with the stick figures. Towanda has taken an ideogram test and is meeting with an expert to find out some parts of her personality and how she really feels about things. She normally hides her true feelings and “sugar coats” it as she says. Towanda is still viewing Sommer as the enemy and blaming her for how she feels. She feels she has to tell her.
Josie and perfect motherhood is the subject of Rhonda and Josie’s meeting. Rhonda doesn’t expect her to be a perfect mother, just know how to be a good one. Josie needs input from other mothers, so they meet at a kid‘s playschool, Creative Leap. What would be their number one tip for motherhood? What are ten keys for motherhood? When she doesn’t feel sure, she’ll have these things to fall back on. Her assignment is to have some kind of ceremony and dedicate these ten things to Chloe tonight, with all her housemates in support. Rhonda suggests that she ask Kim and Josie explains how she isn’t trusting Kim’s decisions or dedication to following the process just now. It’s so much easier to see OPP, isn’t it?
Kim, in conference with Dr. Katz, explains how she thinks other people perceive her; what their first impression is. What she thinks most people notice is her sadness. She thinks it stems from the fact that everything didn’t turn out like she planned it. She shows them Miss Perfect Rich Girl, which leads to most people mistrusting her or making fun of her, not getting to know her. She says she’s been honest about her divorce and her father, but he questions if she shows any of her human flaws and allows herself to be perceived as vulnerable and sensitive.
Towanda meets with the ideogram tester, Klaus . (I‘m still a bit confused about this test.) She’s a three. A three is an achiever. A three is in search of an identity. A three is not always in touch with their real feelings. Towanda seems to speak more freely with Klaus than with Dr. Katz. Klaus encourages her to always ask what she really feels about a situation. It seems to mean more to her than to me. Yah, she seems downright elated by the information. Towanda and Kim discuss it while cooking, but it sounds a lot like yesterday’s horoscope to me.
Iyanla talks about control and the women in the house achieving through giving up control. Does Kim have any awareness of why her initial reaction was so violent? Kim says lots of little things build up and she goes off. Her awareness is that she needs to take things one at a time and not do that. She apologizes to Iyanla and everyone in the house. She discusses how her housemates have supported her. Iyanla asks about control in each of the housemates lives, how it works and what happens when they lose control. She wants to underline appropriate ways to cope when overwhelmed with feelings of loss of control of one’s life. Josie says she snaps. Towanda withdraws and shuts down. Sommer tries to manipulate to get others to do things her way. Kim “flips outs” and then withdraws. Jennifer doesn’t get an answer. So, Iyanla says, would you be willing and do you trust one another enough to call each other on it?” Sommer says she does, and she’s the new one. Towanda jumps in with it’s not a matter of trusting, it’s not wanting to hurt the next person’s feelings. It’s all a little hairy and muddled, but the gist is the behaviors they exhibit when feeling out of control are controlling behaviors themselves. They limit the type and amount of information one is willing to share with others. They often produce negative results. The conversation goes to who trusts who and why or why not. Josie has some good arguments for Iyanla, but in doing so, Iyanla gets to the heart of the problems. The undercurrent of distrust that is in the house that prevents the women from supporting each other is the crux of this conversation. In past shows, this has often been swept under the rug, but this time around, all skeletons are coming out of the closets. It’s an entirely different show this time around. At times it’s tedious in it’s detail and sketchy in it’s editing, but all around I think they’re covering more areas of the women’s lives and trying to be more in depth. Sometimes this works and other times it just falls flat. Group therapy has never been very entertaining (with the exception of The Bob Newhart Show, maybe). Back to debating with Josie, Iyanla is getting down to getting real. Say what you mean and don’t worry about others feelings.
Next, Josie’s turn with Dr. Katz is a rehash of her mornings exercise. She has her ten keys with the Important Things written on them. Dr. Katz asks what will be an impediment to Josie being a good parent? Josie says she will not have any further relationships with men, so she’s not worried about that situation. Dr. Katz reminds her that she might some day have another male companion. Then he approaches his true reason for being there which is Josie’s newly romanticized relationship with Chloe’s father. He says maybe she is just putting everyone else on hold, hoping her will fulfill her and Chloe’s dreams. (Josie looks very uncomfortable and confrontational with Dr. Katz.) Dr. Katz asks if he has all the keys, and Josie flips through the keys and says no. Dr. Katz then backs off some. (His approach seems to be, Introduce the subject lightly with an aside, go for the kill with one big statement, back off smilingly and let the person think it all over for a while) and tells Josie he just wants her to be open to other relationships. A happy parent makes a happy child, so don’t limit herself. Josie looks like she was bored or intimidated. The women seem to not love having a male psychologist.
Towanda is on the phone (again!) saying she is going to tell Iyanla exactly how she feels. She has a problem working with her. She reminds Towanda too much of her mother and she’s mean. Just as she says this, Iyanla knocks on the door (or good editing makes it look so.) When they meet, Towanda tells about her meeting with the ideogram specialist. Iyanla asks Towanda which of the labels on her stick figure she wants to get rid of. Towanda chooses The Wrong One. She’s choosing To Be Open instead. She wants to replace Failure with Achiever, and Outcast with Unique. She’s ready to change Anger to Passion and Sad to Joy. Iyanla tells her to work from her heart instead of her head, just a little a time. (Sometimes her poetic speech tends to confuse, rather that elaborate on a problem. Maybe it’s just me). Then Towanda wants to tell her what she’s been holding back. (This whole show is about how real is reality and the Reality Shows that show it.) She says it’s a part of her growing and it might come out harsh. Towanda says that Iyanla comes off as harsh and mean. She needs more compassion and she doesn’t feel empathy or sincerity from Iyanla. (Woo Hoo. Professional whiners for the professionals. I bet some days they’re all confused. I sure as hell am.) So, Iyanla gives it back to her as she said it. It’s a matter of trust and challenge and control and who the ***** knows. They set up an agreement and high five on putting it out there and telling the truth. Amen, I think. (Eyeroll). Towanda is high as a kite on the way’s she’s feeling. I call it confusion. They continue on with talk about Joy and whose booty might be better. Lord help us all, Iyanla. Lord help us all.
The women are discussing the ritual for tonight. Sommer is on the phone talking about her “black mark”, her affair. Finally, we get to the ceremony. Josie is including everyone, and everyone is excited. They all share a sense of motherhood with Chloe and share a bonding moment. Josie discusses with Kim what she said earlier and they hug. Maybe life isn’t quite so confusing.
Another group meeting finds Sommer on the hot seat with Rhonda. Rhonda congratulates her on her honesty at their last meeting about her infidelity. Rhonda wants to know what the other women thought about her story. Jennifer didn’t feel it was her place to judge. Josie’s first thought was that Sommer was one of those girls that burned her before, because all of her boyfriends have cheated, but as she’s gotten to know Sommer, none of that matters, she likes her. Towanda tells Sommer she can’t let go of the part where she had a choice to make the right decision, but didn’t. Why didn’t she?! In hindsight, Sommer cries about it. She knows she made the wrong choice. Rhonda probes and gets Towanda to admit Sommer reminds her of her father’s infidelity and it brings up anger for her. Rhonda is pinning a Scarlet “A” on Sommer for Adulteress. Let her wear her shame on her shoulder. Move over Hester Prynne. You’ve got company