Since Joker's already has wonderful people to bring you weekly recaps of the Survivor episodes, I have decided to do something that I enjoy even more and that is just being snarky and opinionated about my reality show favorites. I've watched every episode of every season of Survivor which means two things. First, I have absolutely no life at all, but I am content with that. Second, I've seen Survivor evolve from a fun and games strategic romp along the beach to the extreme wilderness survival training we look to have this season.

I have to admit, Patan is one of the most gorgeous places I have ever seen. The mist hovers above the lush canopy of the jungle and dances above the waters of the rivers and lakes. The pyramids and ruins peeking out from the canopy lending itself to the magical danger of this most spectacular of settings for this year's Survivor Guatemala. I'd also like to comment at this juncture that Jeff Probst is looking just as hot as ever in his dark blue shirt, khaki pants and healthy tan. Damn that man looks good! Ahhhhh.... oh sorry, I got carried off for a moment into a fantasy involving myself, Jeff, a water soaked buff and well..... never mind.

Our own Joker's called it right on who those surprise contestants would be, yup.. Bobby John and Stephanie from Survivor Palau. Now I can only speak for myself here, but Bobby John was never one of the my favorite Survivor's, he is a not to bright boy, who isn't bad to look at, works hard but at the end of the day he was not all that exceptional and he was rightly presented to Nakum as their "tool". Stephanie on the other hand is amazing, she pushed herself so hard in Palau and it really was stacked against her when she was sent alone to join the other tribe. So basically I was happy to see Stephanie but luke warm about seeing Bobby John. Of the two "tools" I think Yaxha came out ahead, they got the Craftsman 8-in-1 set with it's own battery pack; Nakum got a screwdriver.

The reward challenge.... ah yes, for those of us who just love seeing reality show contestants tortured to the absolute limits that CBS can conceive, this challenge was tailor made. An 11.5 mile trek through the jungle of Guatemala, carrying supplies as they try to navigate via compass, map and landmarks. It was simply priceless. Yaxha got lost for a short time and then Blake of the Nakum tribe was attacked by one of those vicious-blood-sucking-porcupine trees that you only hear of in bad movies about giant snakes which inevitably feature some broad bummed starlet in need of rescuing. The Screwdriver forgets that just because you have plenty of water on the outside in your sweat soaked t-shirt doesn't mean you should forego taking a drink of water now and then, the result is he gets a horrific leg cramp.

I was completely bummed out when Nakum won the challenge but sweet vengeance was close at hand when four of the five males on the Nakum tribe are seen and heard heaving their guts out. This was not just your average heaving either, this was heaving the likes of which I haven't heard since my days of frequenting bars when they had 2-for-1 margarita nights. Bobby John's eyes rolling back into his head was frightening, but thankfully CBS planned ahead and gave the bonehead boys a nurse to look after them and get them rehydrated. Of course, two minutes on google would tell you from the comfort of your living room that dehydration is a major concern in the jungle of Guatemala... along with malaria, dengue fever, rabies, typhoid, Hepatitis A and cholera. Dysentery and other diarrhoeal diseases are common as well. So fasten your seatbelts kids we could be in for a bumpy ride!!

The immunity challenge was the one we got to see practiced on the TV Guide Preview show but I have to admit it was even more fun to watch this time around. The bonehead boys of Nakum had a little trouble figuring out how to control their boat, and in the end they got their butts handed to them on a platter by the Yaxha tribe. Again, that sweet sweet dish called vengeance. Yes, I have already chosen a favored team, I like Yaxha, pronounced yah-shaw, in part because Stephanie is on that team, but also because they managed to travel even further than Nakum without a single member heaving into the foliage. To me, they just seem smarter and therefore, they are my team. Please feel free to disagree with me all you like, just do so quietly.

The tribal council area is just amazing, it looked very cool in the sunlight when Jeff Probst showed it during the preview show, but at night, with the jungle closing in all around, the flames flickering the night breeze, it was even better. One thing I was really glad to hear was that anytime the Survivor sets get near the actual ruins, they have to pad everything with carpet. So efforts are being made to protect those priceless ruins and make sure they are not destroyed in the pursuit of reality television. This promises to be one the best seasons ever and I can hardly wait to see what other torturous challenges are tossed at the survivors. Will Bobby John heave for us again? Will Stephanie make her patented scowl once again if her team loses? Will Jeff wear yet another sexy outfit? Let's find out next week when we all meet again to discuss Survivor Guatemala: The Mayan Empire.