Did you miss it? Who did Larissa send home? Kerryoke recaps it for us!!
THE FIRST GROUP DATE
Larissa takes Gil, Jim and Michael on a group date. They go to a glass blowing studio where they get to blow their own glass. Gil must sense he’s completely blown his chances with Larissa because he focuses intently on the task of blowing glass. Jim tells the camera he’s excited because although, he’s not artistic, he’s good with his hands. Larissa seems to think so too, but I’ll get to that later.
When they first arrive at the studio, Michael tells the camera that since he hasn’t had much alone time with Larissa he just asked her to pair up. Larissa says she started joking with Michael because she knew he would take it well. Michael creates a brownish blob which he laughingly describes as road-kill saying, “Come on you Beaver!” The two seem to find his glass blob hilarious. Larissa tells the camera, "I don’t know what happened but by the time he was done it looked like a big pile of dung". The two yuk it up over his crappy artwork, but I would strain to call it flirting on her part. Like many of her interactions, it seems forced and contrived.
Gil and Larissa get a moment alone. Gil tells the camera “I can’t tell if I’m in there or not.” I can tell you Gil, you’re not. You’re quite out there.
From the start of their alone time Larissa acts like she’s there at gun point. Gil makes the comment, “I know you’ve met 26 other guys, tell me something about yourself you haven’t told them.” Larissa seems slightly irritated and says, “I’ve told you a couple of things. I’ll just let that marinate….you tell me….” He jokingly says, “Oh you’re putting it back on me now.” She kind of smiles and says, “Yeah.” These two have the opposite of chemistry. They have Anti- chemistry. Larissa tells the camera Gil has many great qualities but he “has a wall built”. Does he Larissa? Maybe it’s to deflect those looks of boredom and disgust you keep shooting him. Gil tells Larissa he’s trying to be less closed off but the time between the two is strained and painful to watch. Gil tells us he feels they “have a good foundation.” Huh?! With what, the bricks from your wall? Gil also expresses that it occurs to him it might not be as good a foundation as she may have with someone else. He’s right because her alone time with Jim turns into an almost instant make out session.
Larissa takes Jim by the hand leads him to a stool and sits on his lap. She tells us she can do that because “he’s affectionate.” I don’t suppose it’s because she gave him every green light there is, and then initiated the contact herself. It’s shades of Average Joe 1 as Larissa bats her eyes, smiles shyly, and tells him “You make me nervous. You give me butterflies.” Being the perceptive bo-hunk that he is, he asks, “Good butterflies or bad?” She tells him blushing, “Good ones, I feel…I feel like I have a crush on you.” Phew, close one huh Jim? You think maybe this means she likes you? Larissa tells us she can’t explain it, but Jim makes her feel very giddy. Well Larissa we saw Average Joe 1 and trust us, there’s an explanation. Those butterflies are most likely induced by his hotness. How convenient that he’s an affectionate god. Larissa tells Jim she could sit there all day. He replies, “I know. This is comfortable. You fit in my arms good.” Smooth talker. Jim tells the camera he feels good that Larissa said she has a crush on him. It makes him confident he’ll be there a while. He also said there is a very good comfort level between them. According to him, they can hang out and look into each other’s eyes. Although, the footage, shows their eyes shut tight while they are making out.
Larissa then gets alone time with Michael and asks him why she should choose him. Michael says he wants her to see his serious side. He then says, he’s trying to dig his way out of a hole. He says his arms are tired and he doesn’t want to dig anymore. Larissa tells the camera she is totally confused about who to pick. The confusing must be exclusively in her brain because her tongue didn’t seem to suffer the conundrum when it went down Jim’s throat.
Larissa, facing all three guys says, “Out of the complete purpose of fairness, even though he probably doesn’t deserve a chance and has done everything wrong since the beginning, and could use a shoe horn to help get his foot out of his mouth,….<then sweetly>, Michael would you like to go on a date with me?” Michael who has been throwing his head back in mock agony, chuckles, “I’d love to.” I guess her gushing invitation swept him right off his feet. Maybe now he can stop digging. Too bad the audience continues to have to shovel.
Michael and Larissa go 9000ft up on a mountain over looking a blanket of clouds at sunset. The view is stunning and Michael says something clicked between them. I think I heard a distant clicking too, maybe it was the remote controls from other viewers. He tells Larissa, “I hope it doesn’t happen but if I died tonight I’d be a happy man.” As usual Larissa’s enjoyment seems forced and as usual the lucky bachelor interprets the experience as mutually romantic. Michael and Larissa kiss. Funny when she kissed Jim it seemed to be in spite of the cameras, when she kisses Michael it seems to be for the cameras. Michael tells us he’ll never forget this night. Larissa tells us, resignedly, “Yes, I’m falling for Michael.” It seems like an odd edit and it’s impossible to buy.
THE NEXT GROUP DATE
Brian, Tony and Fredo go down into a lava cave with Larissa. The winner of the one on one date will get to go swimming with Larissa. They are all a bit afraid of the jagged path and Fredo says, imagine if one of these rocks fell on our heads. Larissa urges him to think positive. Everyone is wearing miner hats with the lights on them. Good thing too because those caves get dark with only 10 high powered TV lights to guide you.
When they get to the bottom of the cave, there is a teiki idol with a note on it. All of the guys are afraid to touch the idol for fear it will “detonate”.
Despite what must be Vietnam like flashbacks, Larissa takes the idol (no doubt she feels safe with this heroic bunch). The letter says, “As the sun sets, only the man who carries the idol will continue the adventure.” Again all three men get alone time with Larissa before her decision. She asks Fredo if he’s nervous and he tells her he’s always nervous around her. She tells him how glad she is that he’s there and that she hasn’t forgotten his values, his sense of family and a whole bunch of other bunk that he eats up.
Brian is lead on even worse. After he tells her he was about to call the whole thing quits and leave, she tells him that would upset her so much. “Because if you left, I would have to leave.” She tells him he means so much to her and she has a connection with him that she doesn’t have with any of the other guys. Ok this is just getting criminal now. He says since we’re both wearing hats, I’ll just lean in and give you a safe kiss. The kiss is brief and chaste but Brian says it was the most “AAh-some” one they’ve had.
Tony expresses that he’s still upset about the impromptu; you sunk my battleship, episode. He stares at Larissa with that extremely intense, deer in the headlights look, and says he couldn’t bring himself to bring out the sketch pad. Larissa tells us she wishes he would just see the humor in it. I have to agree with her. Come on Tony, don’t let a little thing like getting blown up ruin your day.
Larissa chooses Fredo. He tells her all about a previous girlfriend who turned out to be married and cleared his house out. He tells the story good-naturedly, with humor, and he comes across vulnerable despite his size. But it’s really not a story for a first date and ultimately, I’m afraid Fredo comes across more like a friendly neighbor than a night in armor. Larissa is afraid to go swimming with the Manta Rays but she says Fredo made her feel safe. She tells us, he’s such a big tough guy that she can’t help feeling affection for him. She puts her head on his shoulder. Fredo tells us it’s a dream come true. The manipulation is gut- wrenching.
The fat suit segment begins with shots of Larissa looking out at the ocean and walking along the beach. In what is mostly voice over of course, she says from this experience, she’s learned a lot about judging based on looks. She wants to find out if the guys are as shallow as she…uh hem….was. It took hours, but Hollywood experts turned her into an overweight ugly version of herself. She’s supposed to be her mother, who she mentions, is actually beautiful in real life. They do the old body double hug from a distance so the guys, pulling up think Larissa is leaving. Larissa says she is terrified of being found out. But despite the fact that she looks like Jiminy Glick in drag, they all buy it. In fact Tony even says “I didn’t see any of Larissa in her mother.”
All of the guys are polite. They are asked a few questions, by the fake Mrs. Meeks and Larissa’s best friend, regarding what they find attractive and unattractive in a woman. Everyone gives politically correct answers, except Michael, who makes a fatal error. When asked what he finds most unattractive about a woman he says, “Someone who looks like she’s lazy, like she doesn’t take care of herself”. Larissa says she felt very insulted. She was inside that suit and he was calling her lazy. I guess she was upset to learn Michael could be as shallow as she was.
The guys are then told the mother left because she was upset about someone’s comments. They make individual personal videos for her. Michael says he is sorry she felt insulted. He is pretty sure it’s because of him. He mentions that he could see she was a heavy woman, but he can’t apologize for wanting someone in shape. His motto has always been healthy body healthy mind. He goes on to say, “You know I’d have to be nuts to insult you. I’m trying to win your daughters hand.” Oh no offense taken Michael. Fat people like to be told they have less value and an unhealthy frame of mind. Way to back peddle. Larissa says his apology was sincere and she was happy about it.
A case of the hidden camera tapes arrives and Larissa views them to see what the guys have to say. Michael asks the guys how they answered the question about being attractive. When he tells them what he said, there are some laughs as Fredo says, “Dude, you may as well have tied rope right above your head and hung yourself.” Michael says, I expect the girls I date to look good. “Not perfect. Just, you know, take care of themselves because I know a lot of girls who don’t take care of themselves and they are miserable *bleep*n bitches who go around like, Na na na..” He then kicks the chair out from under himself by saying, “If Larissa was seriously overweight right now, it would take a lot for me to be attracted to her.” Larissa hearing this says, “It’s obvious he’s interested in a person’s physical qualities.” Not like you huh Larissa?
The guys are all shocked to see the mother at the elimination. Their eyes were bugging out when she said it’s time for the truth. When she took her mask off, there were gasps and swearing. Michael put his hands in his face. He looks around red faces and asks, “Is anyone else blown away?” Tony whispers to Fredo, “We saw her get in the van! It was a setup.”
Larissa eliminates Michael who doesn’t seem too surprised. He does his best to save face and make a dignified exit. Larissa tries to offer him the usual line of bull, but he just keeps cutting her off. No problem, thanks good luck, bye. Next Larissa says, “Tony I need to speak with you.” Tony looks like she just stabbed him. As she dismisses him he’s in a state of shock and barely replies. In voice over we hear her say, Tony was too serious and the only thing they had in common was the art. It was the only thing they could talk about. Tony tells the camera, in tears, “I thought we had something special.” The only thing explanation he can think of, is his looks. He says that is the worst because at least in real life you can talk to the person and find out why. He is clearly devastated as Fredo remarks in a voice over blurb.
The remaining men are thrilled. Gil thinks they have a strong foundation and he stands a chance, Fredo thinks he’s the one, Brian thinks he’s the one, and Jim who is the one thinks: Should I get highlights?
Preview blurb because I know you can’t wait: Next Wednesday Fredo spies on Larissa’s date, (another make out session) from, of all things, a submarine.