As usual for the BB HGs, morning begins in the straggling minutes before noon arrives. As usual, Jun begins the day by scrunching up her face into a portrait of disgust and complaining, “Why the ***** do these PB&J people think that they don’t have to wash their knives? I’m going to put them all in a bowl and make them use them over again.” And she does. Well, I guess since it is her birthday and all, we should give her some leeway to bitch as she sees fit…

David takes advantage of the early-morning dispersed house to whisper strategy to Alison and Jun. He remarks that Jee will be “freaked” when Michelle is evicted with a vote of 5-3 instead of seeing Erika walk out with a unanimous vote against her. Meanwhile, outside Dana and Robert are having their own little confab about strategy; mostly Dana maintains that neither Jee nor Justin nor Robert can be voted out next week, because they need their numbers (she seems to have no clue that she is the primary target for next week in most HGs’ minds), and as usual she complains about Nathan. I think her penchant for doing so comes from the same insecurities that make her unable to lose a competition without grasping for any excuse she can—she fawned over Nathan in Week One and now that he is not in power and she knows he is annoyed with her, she has to trash him at any opportunity she can.

Just before three o’clock rolls around, the HGs get a cake (or more precisely, half a cake because half of them cannot eat anything but PB&J) and they decide to hide behind the living room couch to wait for Jun. When she finally makes a presence, they all jump up and yell, “Surprise!” Unfortunately, they can’t sing “Happy Birthday,” because it is copywrited. A half an hour later, Jun is back to cooking while Justin is teaching various HGs how to juggle outside. In the living room, Michelle tells Jee that she wants to win HOH next week (assuming she will be there, which both she and Jee do), and Jee is deigning to give her advice on how to act if she does obtain it (as if a few days of going power-hungry and placing a neon-orange target on his back enables him to give advice; well, advice can still be advice even if it is bad).

The afternoon dissolves into the usual strategizing and chatting, and the interesting bits to pay attention are: David and Erika want to convince Dana to vote for Michelle; the easiest way of doing this, they think, is to approach her just before she will vote (so she can’t talk to the Stooges) and tell her that when David asked Justin and Robert if they would put up Dana were he to use the POV, they said no because they would go after her next week. David and Erika blame Scott for putting them in their current position. Nathan tells Michelle she was his “dream girl” and that he wanted to marry her before she said everything she did last night (re: oral sex). She calls him a hypocrite because he has done worse, but he combats this by bringing up the Truth or Dare stunt where she had to kiss another woman’s chest (was it Alison?). She’s in disbelief because it was only a game, but Nathan says he is “only telling the truth.”

Chef Jun prepares a feast of ziti, salad and garlic bread for the eating HGs. Though she burns the bread beyond recognition, the rest of the meal is scrumptious and Dave, who is a PB&J victim for the week, enviously and jokingly remarks while walking by, “That looks horrible.” To the contrary, it looks delicious. In the back bedroom, other non-eaters for the week are complaining about the smell of the food and how hard the PB&J is on them. After the food-talk subsides, their conversation alights upon the subject of exes. Though Michelle tries to talk sincerely about her relationship with David (that she didn’t know how to be a good girlfriend to him because she was scared of him; that “it’s like we wake up in the morning only to go back to sleep, you know”), Nathan doesn’t (or can’t) take her seriously. He turns the conversation to his ex and when he describes her dark hair and eyes, Michelle remarks that that “is not like (him).” He exasperatedly says that everyone need not be so literal; though he ~does~ prefer blondes, that doesn’t mean he won’t date someone who isn’t.

David and Robert, two other non-eaters for the week, are having a conversation themselves outside while Dave soaks in the pool and Robert reclines on the hammock. As usual when Robert is involved, it degrades quickly into misogynistic commentary that makes him more than worthy of the name “Ratbert.” While David limits his negative comments to how sick he is of Michelle who, though very sweet, has a personality to mess it all up, Robert begins by saying, “I need to have sex very soon, dude.” Not so bad? How about: “They make me want to throw up, every little ***** in here.” And that fothed word, folks, ~is~ as bad as you think it might be.

We now get treated to the rather icky sight of Erika pulling a string from one of the turtle’s bums (bad, bad Erika! Whenever you see string hanging out of your pet’s bum, you shouldn’t pull! If it is very long, it could be twisted in their innards enough that you might hurt them. Take them to the vet). We also learn at this time that the turtle’s names are Cuff and Link.

A little later, Jack approaches Erika in the bedroom and they discuss their plan to try to take Dana over to their side. They think that because she is such a risky bet, it might be a better choice to try and take Justin over. They discuss how “head-headed” Jee is being and Erika remarks that it must be so because he is afraid of her. Over in the kitchen Erika is the choice of topic as Dana and Jun talk about how she thinks she is safe, how she takes Ex-lax, how she has had a tummy-tuck, etc. As much as seeing Jun chatter on with Dana is scary (in that she might ally herself with Dana and go back on her word to vote out Michelle), Jun doesn’t actually tell Dana anything of substance. Thus we are left wondering exactly with whom Jun plans to vote.

It looks like groupings of two are popular tonight, because the feeds then show us David and Michelle under the covers in the HOH room. They aren’t up to anything, and David makes a point of taking his hands out to show the cameras that they aren’t occupied. Their chatter mostly revolves around how David can’t see them ever going out again, but that they are good friends. It is hard to tell if Michelle actually agrees or is only pretending to. As their comments deteriorate into “it’s, like, so funny we met four years ago on a beach and now here we are,” David’s interest turns to the cameras in the room and what perspectives they have on the bed. He looks a tad worried as he realizes exactly how well the cameras can capture whatever action might occur on the bed, and as a poster remarks, it’s “a bit late now!”

This Saturday evening is summing up to be less adventurous than last Saturday night, and the HGs, amid complaints of boredom, lounge around and engage in trivial chitchat much to our own boredom. Erika has four dogs, all mutts, and one who was saved from an abandoned building. Various HGs get enough energy up to participate in some workouts. David trims Justin’s hair. Alison and Nathan are concerned that Dave, Erika and Jack might turn on them and ally with Justin or Robert—this leads, of course, to Alison and Nathan wondering if they should vote Erika out, but after they talk a bit to her about their concerns, they are easily mollified (or so it appears). Erika channels Jun (remember the piggy-backing comments) and says that it will really bother her if Robert stays longer than her because ~she~ applied for the show and he only got on because of her: “Everything he gets, it is because of me.” Several of the HGs say that were Michelle to get a “boob job,” she would be a “ten” (surprise, surprise, Ratbert was in on this conversation; unfortunately, so too was Alison who should know better). It seems rather hypocritical when Erika gets criticized for having them; women are pretty much damned if they do and damned if they don’t. Alison confirms that she did not apply for BB—she was hand-picked, but she doesn’t know from where. Jun tells Dana that Alison thinks Dana likes Justin, to which Dana replies: “She can kiss my ass. I’m 28 years old. I need a man, not a boy.”

The sole excitement of the evening comes when Alison and Michelle model two vegetable bikinis that Jun handcrafted herself in the HOH room (despite Jee wanting his room back). Though Michelle briefly wonders how her family will react to the event and Alison experiences a few nerves, it doesn’t stop the two from parading the edible masterpieces in front of all the HGs. The bikinis prove to be a good laugh, however, and everyone smiles, giggles and whistles at the site of Alison and Michelle decked out in lettuce, tomatoes and saran wrap. The show is ended quickly by Dave, the inconsiderate goof that he is, when he tears Michelle’s top off and she immediately drops and covers herself behind a chair. The other girls grab a towel to cover her and hurry off to change. While some comments are appreciative of the show, others are judgmental, and Michelle, understandably, is mad at Dave for what he did.

A few last things to take note of as the night trails off into morning: Jun tells Alison she will stick to the plan and vote Michelle out. Neither of them like Robert the more they get to know him, nor do they think they can trust Nathan for very long in the game. Erika says that she can’t wait “to see their faces” (the Stooges) when Michelle is voted out. The HGs divide into boys against the girls as they engage in various childish (but fun) antics of water balloon-throwing (using the condoms provided by BB), ketchup-spraying and pool-dousing. Jee remarks again that if David uses the POV, he will nominate either Jack or Nathan and either of them will be evicted over Michelle (oh really?). Much chest-puffing posturing ensues on Jee’s part; he seems to be under the misconception that he has all the votes in his pocket and everyone scared of him. His fellow Stooges join in on the fun and fantasize (because that is what it is) about how they will pick off HGs one by one.

And the chatter and miscellanea continue, though really nothing of interest is said or done. Jun bites David’s “ass,” Jack has a sore back, the Stooges discuss bringing David and Jack into their alliance to get their numbers up, while David comments how stupid they are, and when Jack wonders how Erika could have ever been with Robert, she jokes that she wonders if she was on crack and just doesn’t remember it. It’s a regular night, and as regular nights go, it was pretty boring. By four as usual, snoring rumbles over our speakers as usual and we say yet another good night to the Hamster House.

Until tomorrow, adieu.