It’s Day Eighteen of the feeds and Dana is the HOH. It’s time for my obligatory “Agh!!!!” There. Perhaps that will stem my frustration a bit for the day having done that. Perhaps not.

Around 10:30am BB sings out its morning wake-up call and within minutes Erika, David and Jack are talking game. In particular, they realize that they made a mistake in not trying to help Dana “out of her slump” last week. Erika, however, remarks that it probably wouldn’t have made a big difference anyway due to Dana’s newfound relationship with Justin. When Jack doubts this, Erika retorts, “I’m telling you, take it from a woman: it wouldn’t have mattered.” Our first joke of the day comes now from whom other than David as he wisecracks, “I’d rather give it to a woman!” The three consider their primary targets and agree that Dana will be safe for awhile—the Stooges are more important risks to keep around right now.

Meanwhile Alison and Nathan are lying about in the living room and greeting their day with game-talk, too. Their primary concern is winning the veto that day— Alison to save herself and Nathan both to save himself (if she gets it and saves herself, he goes onto the block) and her (I really think he does want to keep his ally around). Unlike the other three in the bedroom, however, the Blondies sprinkle some HG-bashing in among the strategizing—mostly they just agree that they have lost respect for everyone else in the house.

The veto competition that is on everyone’s mind is in preparation outside and as we go to FOTH around 11:30am, we hope that it will be soon. We come back twenty minutes later and the HGs are milling about getting ready and waiting by the table when they are done. Jun decides to take this moment to give Nathan back the picture that Michelle had left for him (it is a picture of herself, which everyone seems to agree is not very attractive; Jun stole it before as a joke). Alison, in jealous petulance, looks at it, wonders why Michelle would bring a picture of herself, and tosses it onto the floor. As Nathan picks it back up, Alie looks on with a very Michelle-esque pout playing about her lips.

Eventually the HGs gather into the living room and pick numbered ping pong balls out of a bag to determine the order they will compete in the competition. What is most interesting to note is that Jack draws first position, Alie draws somewhere in the middle, and Nathan draws last. Before we go to the inevitable FOTH, we see briefly in the backyard what look like helmets on top of blue boxes labeled with the HGs’ names all lined up along the basketball court. And then FOTH.

Forty-five minutes later the feeds return and immediately we learn that none other than Nathan has won POV. I, for one, am completely torn at this twist of events (for I believe he will use it); on one hand, I am sick of seeing women picked off and would rather see a guy go; on the other hand, I ~know~ whom Dana will target if Alison is removed and it won’t be any of the guys I want to go! The prospect of seeing either David or Jack go before the Stooges makes me ill. Bah.

Will he use it? Won’t he? That’s for speculation, but what is interesting to note is that he won’t wear his spoils around his neck. Alison sees this and remarks something along the lines of, “I wouldn’t take it off all day and night!” I bet not! While Nathan wants to call ~less~ attention to themselves (and later warns Alison to play it cool), she would love to rub it in Dana’s face, I believe.

Jun, meanwhile, has appeared to suffer injury from the competition. While Alison tends to a hurt leg, Jun sprawls out on the living room couch with ice held to her eye and whines, “It is swollen, it is swollen!” Does this mean we might get to see Jun with a black eye? And why does that thought amuse this self-ascribed pacifist here? Hehehe. Jun with a black eye. Apparently there is some talk about BB re-ordering the order of the results, but before you get too excited (or upset), Nathan’s position is secure. So really, who cares what the other results are? Jun jokes, however, that if the positions are changed and she moves higher, maybe she’ll get “an extra Whopper.”

It’s time for their daily Burger King lunch now, and as they chow down the conversation twittles over various, generally uninteresting things. Alie saw a person in a tan hat on the roof during the competition. The group agrees that they want to write messages on the T-shirts they got for the competition for their families and friends. Alison and Nathan have enjoyed every competition so far, including the “slime-one.” Jee studies the ingredients listed on the box of a piece of pie he is eating and remarks that it’s “scary stuff, isn’t it.” Then, thinking better of his comment, he turns to the camera and exaggerates, “But it tastes great, though!” There seems to be a lot of exaggerated fun at their sponsor’s expense.

Once Alison and Nathan get some time alone to talk, there is the assumed air that Alison is saved. They remark how Jun looks “scared *****-less” now and how Nathan told her that he felt betrayed and hoped she would “come back” before the tides turned (as good a threat as I have heard in the house). Nathan then jokes that the two of them “can sleep good tonight.” However, he adds to Alison that she should “play it off” and not let “them” know. Alison, knowing she is once again in the hands of Nathan’s power, agrees like a good girl; like the bad girl she is, however, she jokes (or admits?) that she spit on a bouquet or origami she gave to Dana. If this is not bad enough, she further states that if it looks like she will be evicted anytime before Dana, she will pee in the toilet and float Dana’s duck in it for all to see. “If I have to go out, I’m going out in a big way.”

As for who is going to be nominated in Alison’s place should she be saved by the POV, Jun has apparently told them that it will be David. I think this is pretty sound information, but Alison seems to think that Jun is feeding them “bull-*****.” Who else she thinks they will nominate is beyond me. She knows, from her eavesdropping on the previous night, that Nathan was their next target, but with him off the list…who but Dave is there to top it? And if anyone watching couldn’t see the sieve that was Alison’s logic, it is not long before Dana utters exactly what we fear—if Nathan is stupid enough to save Alison, David will be put in her place. As Dana says, “he’s the brains of the organization.”

Post-competition afternoon chatter: Dana hasn’t had a serious boyfriend since 1999. Nathan had never watched BB before and had originally wanted to be on the Bachelor. Alison, in true Alison-style, asserts that were she to have competed in the Miss Pennsylvania beauty pageant, she would have easily won (just like you’re going to win BB, right?). As he plays with his nose, Robert tells Alison that everyone “home in Cuba” used to call him “Bobby.” Erika and Jack seem to think their time is “due” and hope that Nathan will win HOH next week (poor David is already considered a goner, I suppose). They then go outside to talk turtle —they’ve grown since they’ve been in the house.

The afternoon, in fact, proves to be one of the dullest yet. There is some rope-skipping and boxing, some turtle-watching and sleeping, some card-playing and swimming. Not…very…interesting…stuff. It continues on into the evening, too, throughout dinner preparations. Three of the women (all but Erika) group up for some exercising on the living room floor while Erika and Jack do what they do best—strategize for next week. Their ideal situation stands as: Jun against Justin with Justin going; if the POV is used, Dana goes up and she is evicted. Alison eventually joins them and agrees with the plan, especially about putting up Jun. Alison thinks she is too good of a player who “keeps her eyes open and her mouth shut.” She then takes this opportunity to revisit her intention of floating Dana’s duck in a pool of her pee. Nice.

Meanwhile outside the Stooges and their Queen engage in their favorite activity—talking smack about those “losers” who are “*****.” While Justin actually admits that nominating David will be hard (he is talking as though he is the one who will do the nominating), Robert couldn’t give a rat’s ass about voting out anyone because he doesn’t like anyone. Dana amid all this talk mutters, “I feel like a friggin’ sixth-grader.” Dana, dear, when you act like one it stands to reason you will feel like one.

Around quarter to seven this evening, a small yet highly interesting conversation occurs between Alison and Nathan. Though he has already promised to use the veto on her, he broaches the idea that, were he to leave it as it stood, there is the possibility that Jack would be evicted before her. Though I don’t see this happening, even if David and Erika agreed to vote against their trusted ally, Alison eats it up and even remarks that Erika told her that she was a better player than Jack. They then go on to criticize Jack who “is not that smart;” after all, as Nathan says, Nathan has beaten him in chess. “How did he get into the FBI?” Alison wonders.

By this time, some of the HGs are getting antsy for dinner. Jee is one of them and goes to Jun to ask when it will be. As he looks at various foods and asks her what they are (alligator, oxtail, etc.), he then, rather ungratefully I think, remarks, “I’m gaining too much weight because I’m eating too much of your good food.” I’m surprised that Jun puts up with their ingratitude so well—oh wait. She doesn’t (early morning tantrums come to mind). Dana’s mind is not on food, however; she’s on the search for Justin. When she finally finds him changing in one of the bedrooms, Justin yells at her, “What? Are you checking me out?” Don’t get your hopes up too much, Justin—Dana heads over to the kitchen at this point where she admits to Jun that while Justin obviously wants her, she’d rather have David. Uh-hmmm. So don’t nominate him then!!!

Dinner is coming along and the HGs wander about outside chatting and getting a fire ready for BBQ. Some tidbits overheard among incessant food talk: Robert uses women’s deodorant, but only because that is what BB got him. Nathan, when discussing the Olympics, can’t understand how a man could figure-skate (how backward is this boy going to prove to be? That “Goll-ee!” ain’t so endearing when accompanied by true ignorance). Alison and Jun discover that a friend of one knows the cousin of the other and wonder if they’ve figured it out at home; then, when Dave comments that both of them are cheating on their significant others, Jun is shocked that he knows and Dana tells them to be quiet because “this is defamation.” Alison and Dana engage in a little love-fest that is obviously fake; for the meantime, however, they have agreed that they don’t “hate” each other. Dana even apologizes for handling the nominations wrong—she was sorry to have Alison feel yesterday morning like she had felt all last week, like no one would talk to her. She then tells Alison that she will cry when she is evicted, but at least she will be able to be with her boyfriend on his birthday (obviously she doesn’t think the veto will be used).

Before the others can sit down to eat dinner, Justin decides that he can’t wait and tears into his steak at the kitchen counter. Jun comments negatively on this activity, so he sits at the table and she reminds him that “mashed potatoes and asparagus” are coming soon, too. Dana, meanwhile, is destroying her own T- bone by nuking it (to make sure it is well done) and searching for Burger King BBQ sauce to slather over it. Yuck. As she kills her dinner, she tells Jun about the conversation she just had with Alison: “We had an adult conversation.” June cracks, “You can’t have an adult conversation with someone who is not an adult.” It seems like she is talking about Alison, of course, but I think that there must be a part of her that is secretly meaning Dana, too.

As we ~continue~ to wait…and wait…for dinner to get underway (the actual consumption of), Alison and Justin talk about Burger King and Alison refers to it again as “Burger Nasty King.” Soon after, she wonders if they’ve gotten their order forms. Lmao. As much as she complains, it doesn’t take her too long to scarf it down every day, does it? Justin then, the sleuth that he is, wonders if BB has “struck up a deal” with BK. Apparently BB told him in the DR to “act happy” when the BK bags are brought out. I only pause here to laugh that it took that to finally wise Justin up—and he is supposed to be the genius of the Stooges!

At 9:00pm, the HGs finally sit down to dinner. Dave picks up his steak and eats it with his hands but, as he comments, “it’s not as if (he is) eating on TV or anything.” His wisecracking doesn’t stop here, however; when he asks if anyone eats the stalk of the asparagus and Jun mentions it is called the “bush” and she doesn’t eat it, he jokes, “Yeah, I eat the bush.” Of course, we know from what he has said earlier that he’d prefer not to. The other HGs offer sparse conversation in between their contented murmurs as they fill themselves with food; and when they do talk, it is usually about the food.

After a brief FOTH caused by David whistling, “Welcome to the Jungle,” we come back to see David massaging Dana’s bum while she washes the dishes. Jun peers on and remarks, “I cook all of the time and get nothing. She does a few dishes and gets an ass massage.” But Jun, you’re not HOH. The chatter then falls to sex talk and Dana tells the others how she can do Kegel exercises while having sex to increase the pleasure of her partner. David adds, “A guy can do that. A guy can raise his dick.” After a little bit of confusion over what he means, Justin says, “Oh, I know what you mean. It’s like a grundle.” (What?) When the conversation turns to body parts, Jun asks the others why Michelle had “those scars” on her back (anyone know what ones she means?) and David can’t miss the opportunity to joke, “Yeah, that was me; all that sex we had.” Then, being serious, he adds that he thinks it is from the sun. Dana replies that Michelle takes some kind of medicine for it and David, who just darn well can’t help himself, blurts out, “She has AIDS.” Dead silence. For once, we see David backtrack with somewhat nervous laughter tingeing his voice, “She doesn’t. It’s a joke. I’m joking. It’s a joke. Ha ha ha.”

The evening drones on and nothing too much interesting happens. Dana tells Justin that she will “lend (him) out” to Jun for a backrub, to which he replies that he is “not a piece of meat.” Jun complains about missing sex, and David warns the group not to eat the zucchini. When Dave starts singing again, Dana warns him to stop; apparently they got in trouble earlier, but we still go to FOTH. As we come back, they are giving their BK orders while Dave wanders around talking to female body parts through a paper towel roll. He remarks after it all that he must be losing his mind, and I think feed-freaks must be apt to agree. Erika and Jack, meanwhile, are concerned about him and the fact that he might be “falling under Justin’s spell.” While they understand that he was a little down today (with the possibility of being nominated) and obviously uber-bored, they say that he has to “get a grip.” Don’t place any bets on that happening, however: around 10:15pm David walks over to one of the cameras, stares intently into it for a long time and announces that he is “putting a curse on anyone who is watching.” It’s rather disturbing, actually—take a look at the caps if you get a chance.

Outside in the hot tub, Jee and Robert lounge and engage in idle chitchat. Robert is scared that BB won’t let him talk to his daughter while sequestered, and as much as I can sympathize with missing a loved one, I wish someone would remind him that he knew the rules of the game before he signed up and that if he wishes to leave at ~any~ time, he can (so go, Robert, flee! Run while you can!). Erika joins them and they discuss how crazy David is acting; they blame it on boredom. They then chat about pets, and Erika and Robert actually play very nicely for awhile this night in the hot tub. Maybe the sight of Erika in a bikini has weakened sex-starved Bobby’s defenses momentarily.

Some further night-time tidbits of interest: As Alison rubs lotion on Dave’s back, he comments, “This little guy down here’s a little dry, too. Wanna take care of him?” Dana shares her Cookies ‘N Cream Ice Cream with David. Alison and Nathan discuss what wording he will use when he uses the POV for her (as far as we know, folks, it seems to be a go). They also then remark how they are not only the best HGs ever, but not even next year’s HGs will be able to surpass their superiority. As an Anonymous updater says, “Can they get over themselves? For a minute or two at least?!” Dana and Justin do their nightly routine now and massage each other, while Alison and Nathan decide to take their cue from them and do a little massaging themselves. Outside Jee and Robert talk about how homesick they are again, how they don’t believe Nathan will use the POV, and how the two of them are sitting pretty with Dana and Justin being the main targets from their side. Throughout the whole conversation, Robert sniffles and sneezes profusely causing posters to wonder if this HG has a little problem involving white powdery stuff that he can’t use in the house. Hmm… The crackhead…er, sorry, Robert tells Jee then how he once had a sex dream about Michelle and “really wanted to screw her the next night.”

Meanwhile things are definitely heating up between Dana and Justin. The massage she is giving him turns from his back to his chest and there is a lot of ducking under the covers and giggling going on. When Dana wonders where her underwear is, she jokes, “Oh, there they are in Justin’s mouth!” They continue to roll about and have fun, but Dana holds back. She’s “dying,” but she doesn’t want her family to see her making out on TV. He asks her to sleep with him (actually sleep), but even that she doesn’t want to do. Eventually they stop the tug-of-war and unfortunately for voyeuristic feed-freaks, it ends with them getting up and leaving the room. If you wanted to get your jollies, however, all you’d have to have done was click on over to another feed where Alison and Nathan were engaging in a little damn-I-want-sex-but-can’t-so-let’s-wrestle action themselves.

Throughout the fun, Nathan is in his boxers and nothing else. At one point, Alison pinches his nipples and he threatens to return the action to her, but as it went with Dana and Justin, things cool off and they begin to talk about the game. In particular, Nathan points out that after he uses the veto, he will have saved her ass twice (I guess the first was when he didn’t nominate her in week 1? But was there any question of that?). He wonders will she return the favor someday, and she replies that of course she will: she knows about IOUs. Interspersed with the game-talk are tidbits of backhanded flirting: Nathan tells Alison that if she weren’t so high-strung, he wouldn’t mind marrying her. They also talk about their exes, but it is either nothing we haven’t heard before or nothing interesting.

It looks like the lack of sleep from the previous days has finally caught up with the HGs, because it is not long after 1:30am that they all settle down into slumber. For a day that began with exciting news, it ended with nary but a sigh and a snore. Goodnight HGs. Until tomorrow.