As no competitions wait for the HGs this morning of the 21st day of feeds, the HGs choose to sleep in until eleven o’clock. Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone’s Monday morning could start like that? Erika greets the day with a little ditty about a “ManTroll” who must be killed, and it is clear to everyone watching what the theme of the day will be—after all, two of our favorite people are nominated and we have to lose one this Wednesday. Bah.

Two members from opposing factions (Alison and Robert) discuss strategy early on, and it appears to be a ploy on both sides to gain as much information as possible without giving up very much at all. Thus, the conversation isn’t really interesting. Alie lies and says that if she wins HOH, she doesn’t know whom she will nominate; Robert repeats the lie. He further fibs when he tells Alie that Dana is not out for her and not telling other people to nominate her when they get the chance. Their fantasies then move on to where they will be sequestered, and they are under the delusions that Acapulco could be the place.

Interestingly enough, at about quarter after twelve, the message “Expect the Unexpected” shows up on the plasma screen. Though no one really comments on it, it does make us go hmmm…

As the day moves on, Dana, Jee, Jun, Justin and Robert hang out in the living room after finishing their breakfast sandwiches and chat about, what else, how much of a loser Nathan is. Robert says Alison thinks like a “high-school kid;” Dana regrets, again, not putting up the Blondies together; Robert repeats over and over how Nathan is “so gay.” Erika is a “stupid bitch”; everyone else is so “childish” and don’t belong in the house; and on and on and on. An interesting thing to note, however, is that the Rat Pack has decided ~not~ to tell David or Jack (whomever they vote against) that they will be evicted—they want to give “them a taste” of what they got last week.

Meanwhile outside, the rest of the house is engaging in some fun—David does his now familiar cannonball into the pool trick to douse some unsuspecting HG. This time the unlucky person is Nathan, and as the Rat Pack watch through the windows, they make fun of Nathan not wanting to get his hair wet and of Alison who “didn’t even laugh,” that “bitch”—as Dana remarks.

The house falls to the regular: lounging, card-playing, chatting, etc. Some things of note: Dana seems to think that because she has “five years of school,” she should be making a million dollars a year—only if it were that easy!! In any case, though she used to make three times the money she does now, she is happy doing what she does (karate instructor). Jun can’t understand that because she loves money too much. Jun majored in Sociology, but soon switched it to English (okay, maybe not so important to note…).

As for strategizing, here are some interesting parts of the afternoon: Erika, though she doesn’t say exactly whom she will vote for this week, admits that she “never thought that this would happen so early in the game” and that she really likes Dave—who just also happens to be the stronger player. She also admits to the others that she thinks he is “brilliant”—he hasn’t lost a chess game yet. Nathan just wishes he would stay more focused. The alliance group spends quite a bit of time studying possible HOH competition questions, unlike the Rat Pack who is lounging around feeling pretty secure, obviously.

Burger King arrives and the HGs are even less enthused than yesterday. I think perhaps the fast food loses its appeal day after day. Some of the HGs don’t even bother coming in right away; Dana and Justin are too involved in a battle over whether or not Dana is going to get wet that day. While Jee cheers Justin on, he tries to pull her to the pool, but after many cries of “I don’t want to wash my hair today!!” he manages to wrangle her under the shower which Jee immediately turns on over the both of them. Justin laughs, but Dana mocks anger—her basket of laundry was nearby and got soaked. She does giggle, however, and only remarks, “You ***** *****-head, you are so done! You are so done!” Her retribution is swift and involves a spraying hose.

Jun is outside during this altercation, but she soon gets up to go inside—perhaps for her lunch? Dana immediately yells at her, “Jun, don’t eat yet! Don’t eat if you’re not hungry! It’s one of the rules of weight loss!” You know, I can understand support from your friends when you are trying not to compulsively eat, but does Dana really need to shout it across the backyard like that? And later go inside to grab her meal and partake in the greasy goodness herself out on the patio? Oh well. The Rat Pack eats outside while the remaining members of the original alliance chow down inside. Could the split in the house become any more defined? Justin takes the lull of lunch to reiterate his case that David stay over Jack—he insists that he wants it so because he’d rather be sequestered with David than with Jack ~and~ because he thinks Dave would stick to their deal and go after Nathan (and really, as he says, “what the ***** is Jack going to do?). Ah Dana, listen, listen! In fact, all of the Stooges keep running by the idea of keeping David, but Jun is the adamant one that he ~must~ go. A few times she says, “***** Dave”—and am I the only one to think that her animosity is less about getting a good player out and more about her refuted attempts to seduce him? Nothing much gets solved, however, as Dana goes out to lie in the sun; oh, and to give her credit, she actually doesn’t eat the BK: “I’m just not hungry. I just ate, dude, I’m full.”

Not long after this, Dave enters the HOH room with the Stooges and, as yesterday, pleads his case for staying. He guarantees that he will go after Alison and Nathan in order to stay. He also agrees to be the scapegoat to nominate Dana and Jun after the Blondies go. The Rat Pack says that they must convince Dana and Jun first, and then tell him that if it works out they will bring ~him~ to the final four (and ~not~ Dana or Jun). They also want Erika on their side—that is, until they can dump her. On this note, Dave leaves and soon the two women who think they are part of the Stooge-group enter. The Stooges work on them to vote Dave out, but Jun, as usual, is not convinced—“he will stick to the original plan. Unless something drastic happens, we should stick to getting Dave out… Once his anger passes about Nathan, and it will, he’ll be back to getting us all out again.” The Rat Pack choruses, “You’re right, you’re right” and it appears once again that Dave is their target for the week (though Justin does keep fighting). Dana, to be honest, does appear to be sitting on the fence, but she likes that Jack is scared and wants to keep scared people in the house—David doesn’t seem to be one of them.

Dave is then called back to the HOH at this point and is put in the hot seat by Dana and Jun while the Stooges head outside. Dave reiterates that he will stick to the deal to get Alison and Nathan out, while he also points out that he has more influence over Erika than Jack has. He spends quite a bit of time explaining how he will side with them in order to stay, but when it is all done, the women have other topics on their mind. Dana: “So, you wanna make out? Have you had any sexual dreams about me yet?” I think that if Dave could stay, he might possibly be the exact tool needed to drive a wedge between the step-sisters. Eventually Erika comes in, but nothing much is said—she just sits and listens to what Dana has to say (Alie and Nate-bashing) and parrots everything back to her. Dana does say that she wants David to stay, but just doesn’t know if she can believe him; furthermore, the fact that Erika will never want to “side” with Robert concerns her. She also tells Erika that, during the second week, Nathan did not trust David, Erika or Jack and considered voting out Erika.

Once Erika leaves, she immediately goes to her allies and tells them about that last tidbit of information. They don’t take it too seriously, however, and agree that they can’t trust a single word Dana says. As for her wanting to keep David in the house, Jack remarks: “She is thinking with her panties!” Dave and Erika then decide to play cards, but as they head to the living room, Dave stops and says, “Wait, I’ve got to grab something.” And what is the something? Alison’s butt! She doesn’t murmur one protest as he gropes her bum. She does, however, pout that neither Dave nor Jack have asked her for her vote—to which Dave and Erika reply, “Because your vote doesn’t matter! We’re in the minority.”

Over in the HOH room, things are not looking so good for David. The Stooges, who ~really~ do deserve that name, tell Dana and Jun that David said (not agreed; no, no, they say this as if Dave came up with the idea) he would put Dana and Jun up for nomination once Alison and Nathan were gone. Of course, Dana is pissed and says, “That is why he has to go now.” Jun agrees and says that she hasn’t trusted him since Day One.

The evening rolls into being and the HGs move on in their usual way. Erika cries a little bit and admits that the game is getting to her, while Alie tries to comfort her. Alie then moves on to bashing the ManTroll with Nathan and hilariously enough says, “I ***** hate her. I hate when people talk behind other people’s backs. I hate when people go around and conspire.” Oookay, Alie. Why don’t you tell us now how you hate flighty blonde women with messed-up noses? Some of the HGs exercise; Jun reveals that she has gained at least ten pounds since coming into the house (a pair of jeans she brought with her don’t fit anymore). Dave works on his flirting skills when he takes everything Dana is holding out of her hands, lifts her onto the freezer and moves close to her in between her legs. She only laughs and gets down, but she likes the attention a lot. While she prepares dinner, he smacks her butt over and over and, yes, she likes it. As boredom gets the better of him, he loops some bath-poofs over his ears, dons some kitchen gloves and places a translucent yellow bowl on his head for a hat. He shoots some hoops and mutters that he is “bored out of his gourd.”

Around eight in the evening, talk about the weather commences. Now you may think, how boring! But for some reason, Robert is convinced that there will be an earthquake tonight. Whether he is messing with the HGs or not, he acts as though he is being serious. Even Erika says, “Whenever someone says an earthquake is going to happen, it happens.” Ooh, eerie. Heh. The sky, however, looks odd according to the HGs, and some thunder and lightening is observed. Alie goes inside to get the Earthquake Instructions they are given by BB, brings them back out and starts reading them. To her horror, one of the cautions is to stay away from windows: “Oh my god, this whole house is windows!”

Despite their momentary panic about a supposed earthquake, the night soon settles into its normal routine. Dave and Rob plot how to scare Jee with a fake earthquake when he is asleep. Dana and Justin cuddle in the HOH room; when the other Stooges come in, they bash Nathan and talk about how they will “rub it in his face” if they win HOH. Alison asks Jee to let her use the cards when he is done with them, but the second Alie is gone, Dana tells Jee not to give them to her. Her generosity doesn’t stop there; apparently Alie’s birthday is on Thursday and “***** that bitch! We ain’t doing nothing for her.” There is ping pong and more ping pong and general restlessness. Again, the house shows how divided it is: the original alliance hangs out in the living room while the Rat Pack congregate in the kitchen; Dave, however, floats between the two. There is some rather raunchy talk about wet dreams and ejaculate (and how Nathan probably doesn’t have any, according to Dana) and Viagra (Robert: “Oh, when I get home I'm gonna do so many chicks. I want to bring some Viagra to the cast party. You can *****, come and stay hard. It's still hard in the morning”). If you want to read more nasty words spewed by Rat Bastard on this subject, head to Updates and check out Bert’s transcript of the convo.

The step-sisters (Dana and Jun) are meanwhile bashing the HGs (did you think it was going to be something else?). Erika has bad style; she looks like a man sometimes. Alie’s thighs are too thick; she is not very pretty. Robert’s looks are a 5, but his personality bumps him up to a 7 (WTF?). Amanda wasn’t so attractive, but Justin disagrees here and says that she was “hot”—a 9 at least, and a 9 for personality, too. Michelle was “kinda thick” in the face according to Dana, but again a man comes to the rescue; Jee thinks Michelle was very attractive. Man, I just wonder what these two women would be saying about each other if they weren’t allied right now…

Chitchat: Justin tells the others that if Julie Chen asks him how he feels about his ex-girlfriend being vetoed, he will answer, “Nathan is a ***** *****.” Sure, Justin. Dana tells the others how the people at her work would “die” if they found out she smokes pot (do these people KNOW they are on camera?). She then recites a little story about drinking a bottle of vinegar to cheat on a drug test; luckily for her, she became so sick by it that they sent her home and she didn’t need to take the test. So if vinegar works, apparently so too do cotton balls soaked in Clorox—this is according to Justin who knew a guy who did it (that’s bleach! That’s ***** crazy!). About Alie: she is trashy, she is a giant ho, she is ***** retarded…need I really transcribe this all? It’s not as if we haven’t heard the Rat Pack say this ***** a billion times before.

The wee hours of the morning approach (it’s well after 1:00am at this point) and Robert chooses to tell Erika that Dave is getting voted out. Erika cries and asks Dana if she can give her vote to Dave (meaning vote against Jack) and Dana says yes. Still, she doesn’t take the news well—she says that David provides her mental stability in the house and if he goes, she wants to go next week. Dana, in between apologizing profusely, only tells her to channel her anger towards Nathan. Eventually she goes on to delve into her hate for Nathan again. What I don’t understand is how she blames him for playing emotionally when it is “just a game;” isn’t her anger towards him emotional when it is, as she says, only a game? Can’t she understand that if Nathan had to lose one of his allies, he’d rather it not be Alison because she is his closest partner? Dana only seems to accept game-play when it is hers; as for being emotional, she is one of those crazy people who is completely submersed in her emotions but absolutely denies that she is. Freak.

Erika leaves the HOH and heads to the hammock to try to compose herself. She is still crying, however, when she tells Dave that he “makes it bearable” for her, and even yet still when she finds Jack and tells him that since she knows he is staying, she is going to vote against him (and thus give a vote for David to stay). Her compassion is well-received by her allies, but the Rat pack only make fun of her the second she left the room. Robert remarks that she is only crying because “she knows her ***** back is up against the wall.” Jun meanwhile keeps saying about Erika, “Get ***** over it.” Jun…as much as I want to have compassion for her and her obvious eating disorder and how people make fun of her based on that alone…I just can’t ***** stand her!

Dave, Erika and Jack meanwhile discuss how they feel about Dave leaving. Jack says it is going to be boring without him. Erika states that David must be the most popular person with the internet-watchers and everyone must love him (we do, we do! We don’t want Dave to go!!). David takes it all like a good sport and says not only was it a fluke that he got on the show, but now he gets to go home and call Amanda (awww). The conversation soon turns to strategy: Erika wants Dana out now more than anyone. She also seems to think it a good possibility that the final four will include the Stooges and her. As they all agree, Erika and Jack will be in a “pristine position”: ready to play the hate of the Rat Pack against the hate of the Blondies and to get rid of Dana and Jun for the Stooges. The night wears on and Erika continues to sniffle—she is really not happy.

By four in the morning, the HGs all settle down to sleep. Before they do, we learn a few things: Dave promises that he will call Dana “ManTroll” on the live show (why do I believe him more than Justin?). Alie calls Dana “trashy” (interesting, that is what Dana called her earlier), but then stops herself and says, “Let’s not be catty like them.” Jack mentions that Dana and Jun went “ballistic” on him that morning for making bacon—apparently they were making sausage and he had “no right” to make bacon, too. Erika tells the others that Robert’s car was repossessed and that he lives with his parents in a home owned by his grandparents (lmao, that is NOT what Robbie has been leading the others to believe—what with walking around naked all day on Viagra with a huge *****). Golden boy is angry at Jun (they are all gunning for her now) and how she walks around with “her ass hanging out of her shorts.” It’s “disgusting” to him. He also can’t wait until “Dana puts the HOH key around Alison’s neck;” he really seems to believe she will win it on Wednesday. Alison mentions the “Expect the Unexpected” message that came onto the plasma screen—there may be a chance for David yet (ah, don’t make me hope!). Erika and Jack agree that they will let Alie or Nathan win the HOH if they are still in the competition in the end; but that if they aren’t, they will gladly win and put up Jun and Justin. Finally, Dave considers the many ways that he “can make an impression” on the live show—maybe by dissing the Rat Pack?

And that’s it today for the “We Hate Dana Show” (as so titled by Erika). Tune in tomorrow for what will assuredly be another segment.