Well ew. Ew is how we have to describe Jack’s morning habits that we are witness to as Day 4 begins its slow saunter. At around eight in the morning, not much more than four hours after he fell asleep, Jack stumbles out of bed and into the WC. Apparently he stays in there for a long time (about five minutes or so), flushes twice, and then leaves the washroom without so much as sparing the sink a glance. Ew, Jack. Maybe his excuse is that he was sleep…pottying? Who knows? Not long after he goes back to sleep, he sits straight up in bed, starts whispering to himself and flattening his hair out (covering up that bald spot again?). Maybe the stress of the house is getting to him, or maybe he’s going senile. Maybe Jack just has hygiene and balding issues.

The early risers are the usual ones: Erika, Jack and Jun. Allison joins them this morning by ten o’clock, but very little is spoken or done but that which has to do with normal morning routines (other than Jack who insists on lying awake in a coffin-esque pose; one poster speculates that he simply doesn’t want to leave the room for fear strategizing between his roommates will ensue). It would seem that the rest of the HGs would sleep the morning away again if they could, but BB decides to give them an early 10:15am wake-up call. Jack and Dana both pop right up, while the others either roll over back to sleep or lazily hoist their sleep- soaked bodies out of bed for another day in the BB Funhouse. Scott dons his usual cheerful, diplomatic attitude and starts swearing at the camera, “Get out of my face, you *bleep*!” After a second wake-up call at 10:30am, the house begins to look somewhat alive. Unfortunately, due to a lockdown, they cannot go outside to greet the morning sun the first time this week they are up to see it.

Early morning preparations are in process for the upcoming veto challenge as various HGs are already starting to primp in order to look good for the camera: Dana straightens her hair, Allison puts on make-up while whining about her lack of sleep and the bags under her eyes, Erika fusses about her face with a handheld mirror, and Michelle blow-dries her hair.

As the day kicks into gear, breakfast chitchat includes imitations of Southpark’s Mr. Hanky (“Heidi-hoooo”), what fruit each likes best, and a gruesome story about David having blood taken from him from an army nurse who “messed up” his veins. Meanwhile over in the bathroom, Nathan and Jun discuss Scott, whom Jun cannot stand, and his seemingly continued affections for Amanda, after which Jun leaves and Nathan continues his banter with Jee. Their choice of topic? Sesame Street. Nathan’s favorite character was the Count, who was all “pimped out,” Jee remarks, with his accent and cape. After the childhood nostalgia, they move on to more pertinent issues such as the POV. They both realize that they want neither Scott nor Amanda to get it, but Nathan assures Jee that “either way, you’re safe; everyone’s got your back.” Jee accepts Nathan’s word and they begin to chat about Michelle, or more specifically, what Nathan likes about Michelle: her innocence. Apparently this is what Nathan is looking for in a woman (never mind someone who actually ~is~ a woman or who has something of modicum interest to say). Jee counters that the fact that Michelle is a virgin actually bothers him. To this Nathan replies something along the lines of, “Yeah. And she’s a Democrat. And a sophomore in college—all the way in Florida. I just can’t do that.” Jee then says what we are all thinking, “Oh, you were considering that?” (And yet after all this, when asked whom he would put up in Amanda’s place were she to be saved with the POV, Nathan says he’s nominate Michelle. Go figure!)

Despite all odds, the two men are bonding (whoever said that an ex and a member of the original alliance couldn’t strategize together? Oh right, that was Nathan). They both agree that Erika is a bitch (color me confused, but what on earth has she done but not join into their frat-house antics to deserve to be called that?!) and that she should soon be put up for eviction. At this very moment, Amanda and the Turtle Bitch herself decide to walk in, so the conversation quickly jumps to Jee’s haircut and how Nathan will need one soon himself, followed by wrestling-chat (Nathan wouldn’t want to wear the required tight outfit and have his “package hanging out”; Jee says it is not so bad because you have to wear a cup).

Closing in on noon, now, BB comes over the PA to tell the HGs to dress “comfortably” for “maximum flexibility” for the upcoming competition. Immediately after this announcement, someone is overheard mocking Dana’s accent and calling her a “dumbass.” If you can’t guess whom by now, then you need to go back and re-read my summaries! It’s none other than resident hat-boy, who is growing more and more obnoxious as the days roll by. Hey, I am no Dana-fan, but it really is a wonder that she has kept her cool about her where he is concerned. Scott then goes on to talk with Amanda, telling her that should he or she win the POV, they should nominate Justin as he is the biggest threat. He has hopes that she can be saved and then aligned with his alliance (which does he mean? The original 8 or the four of him, David, Erika and Jack?). Amanda, however, thinks that Dana should be the one nominated in her place; then, knowing full well that Dana can hear them, Scott asks Amanda quite loudly if she thinks Dana is attracted to him. If Will’s behavior is truly Scott’s model in all of this, Scott has learned his lesson too well. What most of the time seemed charming humor on Will’s part seems crude and abrasive on Scott’s. Take his comments about Britney Spears (paraphrased): she’s a ***** dwarf! If she wants, she can call me to hook up at 1-800-IMA-DICK. You said it, Scott (to be honest, I don’t know if he actually said the 1-800-IMA-DICK part; it might have been commentary on valentine’s part, so she’ll have to clear that up).

Cut to FOTH. When we come back, the challenge is over and it is immediately clear that Dana, who is wearing a purple ribbon around her neck, won (so much for Amanda, unless Dana saves her to put up Scott—though why not save Jee and see how long Scott’s affections for Amanda continue?). The challenge had something to do with “slipping through knots,” though the details are not clear. We do hear Jee, however, say that the competition was “cool, like the Matrix.” Alison sits by looking pouty (learning well from Michelle, no doubt). Through various chatter, we learn that the actual PoV meeting will be held on Sunday (yay! A day I will finally be able to watch the feeds!), that Nathan appeared to “stall” in order to let Dana win, that Alison is mad at herself because she took her time with her knots, thinking the competition was longer than it was, that Jack did poorly and somehow tied a “new” knot instead of getting any undone, and that Erika only got one undone.

And now, brace yourselves, it is time for the daily installment of Turtle Bitch! (*Applause*) Today she is joined by her trusty ally in turtle-care, Jack, and the two of them pile up a plate of colorful salad for their little friends. When they lovingly deliver the vegetables to the turtles, they wait…and wait…and wait some more for the critters to begin eating. All four feeds are dedicated to this rousing activity. Erika and Jack wonder what will happen to the turtles when the show is over. They fall silent. They discuss the difficulty in regulating the tank temperature. They fall silent. Jack says that he heard the turtle’s movements last night more than he usually does. They fall silent. One of them mentions that the turtle is a species that grows to be the third largest in the world (is that true? Wow). They fall silent. They wonder who will take care of the turtles when they are grown. And they fall silent. That concludes this episode or Turtle Bitch! Tune in tomorrow when we might actually get to see the turtles move!

What little strategy talk there is between Jack and Erika is as follows: Erika, by virtue of a gut-feeling, thinks that Justin and Nathan want to get rid of Scott soon. She also thinks there is a possibility that they might be able to “get” Alison as she’s “not too happy with Dana.” Hmm, could it be because Dana and Justin are developing more than simple platonic feelings for one another? Or does the mere presence of some mild flirtation irk Alison enough that Erika and Jack can use it to their advantage to split up Nathan’s Harem? In any case, the two, along with David as well, are concerned with the idea of having Scott ousted (Erika suspects that the other four of the original-8 alliance, Alison, Dana, Jun and Nathan, will throw the next HOH to Justin so that he can do the dirty work). “It would throw the whole thing into turmoil.” Oh, you simple folks, if only you knew what we knew, you’d know that the turmoil has been brewing since Day 1.

At this point, Michelle makes rounds of the house to let everyone know that they must gather for a meeting of announcements. When Dana hears this, she replies, “We don’t want your stinkin’ announcement,” to which Michelle replies quite indignantly, “It’s not ~my~ announcement!” BB apparently does not want us to hear them, unfortunately, because we are now greeted with FOTH.

As we come back, all the announcements seem to have been simply that the HGs can now lift the shades and go outside. The yard is all cleaned up, and the HGs, despite the heat of the day, take advantage of the fresh air. Who are two of the first outside? Erika and Jack. They seem to be having a hard time staying apart even though agent Jack continues to stress how they shouldn’t be seen together. Believe it or not, talk resumes about the turtles and how they think that most of it went over David’s head (for the short time he was in there; he asked questions such as are the turtles attached to their shells or can they come out of them?). Amanda joins them outside while Scott lounges on a beach chair, and she laments that she did so poorly in the competition because she actually studied Knot Theory in college for her major. She thinks it is precisely because of that, however, that she spent too much time analyzing the knots instead of working her way down the “line” of them. Scott, meanwhile, begins to make fun of Dana again (she doesn’t appear to be around), calling her a “Man Troll” and singing an annoying song to the tune of “Candyman” about wondering where she is.

And don’t think that Scott has all the good will and sunshine hogged to himself. Inside, Robert is calling Erika a bitch (yeah, yeah, we’ve heard this one before) because she looked into the fridge to see if he took something (that, I guess, he wasn’t supposed to take). He complains that he doesn’t want to be near her. It looks like an Erika-Robert alliance ain’t gonna happen anytime soon.

Back outside, David is living up to that “not-so-bright” and kind of “nuts” rap he’s been getting lately. When Scott dares him to jump over the pool, David is smart enough not to try, but in order to make up for his lack of daring, he attempts to jump ~onto~ the punching bag ~upside down~. Instead of accomplishing this feat of great asinine proportion, he ends up crashing into the wall and falling down. But don’t worry folks, after a minute of laughter and of concern from his fellow HGs, David is fine enough to…attempt it again! Sadly, he misses and falls down again. Never one to give up, though (obstinacy will only get you success or get you killed), he tries a third time and finally makes it. And what are his fruits of success? A round of mock cheering from the other HGs. David has hopes, however, that his stunt will make the show.

Onto the various afternoon chatter portion of the summary: Dana shows her tattoos to Jee and explains what they mean. One means family and friendship, and Jee is impressed. By the pool there is chitchat about the foods they are craving right now: chicken wings, country-fried chicken, and hamburgers (this vegetarian here will forgive them; they are, after all, limited to a rather paltry range of foods that includes little protein, if any at all). Dana mentions to Jun again how much she cannot stand Scott and wants him gone, while Jun remarks that the producers probably want to keep him around because he creates controversy. Dana replies to this, “Well, they’re not getting a fight. They can kiss my big, fat booty.” Alison, in a conversation with Michelle, wonders if “this” (by “this,” I take it she means BB) is a test for her and her boyfriend (if so, I think you already failed, honey). If they can make it through it, she says she can see marrying him. She then adds that she drives four and a half hours in each direction each weekend to see him, and when asked if he does the same for her, she mutters some excuse about his car being messed up. The two girls then head out to tan some more, though Michelle states that she only needs to tan on her face because her stomach is so tan, it’s “***** black.” Back inside, Robert assures Jee that he is in no danger this week. That’s the way to puff yourself up, Rob: make those who won’t know any better think that you actually have a say in anything.

Attention, attention: FIGHT! Outside, Michelle is chatting with David now and revealing that in every relationship she has ever been in, she has cheated (including in her relationship with him). She now avoids relationships so that she won’t be tempted to cheat (interesting logic). He admits he had cheated on her, too, but he is through with the activity in general. Throughout this convo, David is rubbing her leg underwater with his toes, but soon enough the conversation turns more heated as they revisit the past. He insists that all he ever tried to do when they were together was have sex with her, but she remembers it differently and doesn’t appreciate him saying it over and over again. As he laughs about this, Michelle gets angrier and angrier at his light-hearted attitude. She tells him several times, rather emphatically, that she hates him and hates how he won’t take anything seriously. Her feelings for him are the love-hate sort, she says. She loves him, but she’s sick of his attitude. After he laughs some more and mocks her, she gets up and leaves.

Her anger last only long enough that within an hour, we overhear Michelle saying to David, “Dave, you’re not mad at me now, are you?” He smiles and answers, “I could never be mad at you, Michelle.” Looks like despite the little spat, all is as well as can be expected again in the hamster abode.

(Ed note: My goodness, will this day never end?)

As dinner ensues and concludes, we are regaled with the usual small talk. When asked if she has a boyfriend, Michelle replies no and then stops herself short of saying, “But I have men lined up.” Given the male enthusiasm for Michelle caps online, I’d guess she’s actually not exaggerating. There is various chatter about the upcoming HOH—who will get it, whom they will put up, and it is all over the board at this point. Because of Nathan’s support of Jee and Robert’s effusive dislike for his ex, Jee, Justin and Robert are all expressing wishes to see Erika booted, along with Scott and perhaps Jack, too, because he is so close to Erika (oops, looks like your sleuth maneuverings haven’t done the trick, agent Jack!).

The evening unwinds in the manner we have already become accustomed to: hot-tubbing, general conversation, another game of spoons, and furtive strategizing going on in all corners at all times whenever someone thinks they are safe. Of note are:

Erika uses the expression, “My turkey is done,” to indicate that her nipples are hard.

When talking about what (card) games they want to play, Scott says he wants to play “girls getting naked and spreading their legs.” Jee then says that Scott is going to get a lot of “psycho girls” wanting him. They would have to be, wouldn’t they?

Dana admits to Jun that she is actually not attracted to Justin at all, but enjoys flirting with him, as she does with Nathan and David, too. “If they’re stupid enough to let it happen, then it is their fault” (paraphrasing).

A group of the HGs comment that their biggest goal right now is to get down to the top 8 so that if evicted, they will be sequestered (they imagine it being fun like “Club Med;” I suppose they are thinking of the exotic places BB flew the first three evicted on BB3).

Alison has not had sex with her current boyfriend. Her last was Justin (as was she his, apparently). This makes the situation they are in all the more difficult.

Michelle and Nathan have a one-on-one conversation about mainly frivolous things, but they seem to be getting closer (and he seems to be purposely trying to get to know her better, but for what purpose?). He asks her what kind of personality she has and she replies: “I’m outgoing…a fun girl, a nice girl…I’m not good at this. I am not used to explaining my personality.” He retorts, “You are just used to getting what you want,” and she answers simply, “Right.”

Dana talks about vetoing Jee and putting Scott up for eviction. Though many HGs (not David, Erika or Jack) think this is a good plan, the problem lies with Nat: apparently he has some deal with Scott not to nominate him (I guess whoever it is who uses the veto, nominated or not, the power of choosing a substitute lies still with the HOH). Dana says she will work on him, however. Then the group talks about how they have to get rid of David, Erika and Jack, too.

The girls freak out over a black widow-spotting. Justin catches it; Jee dares him to eat it and Justin replies, “Really?” The girls all scream “No!!”

Erika to Jack: “Robert has the personality of a used-car salesman. He will sell you any kind of ***** and not care.” She goes on to say to Jack that she cannot connect with Nathan because he cannot relate to a woman who isn’t attracted to him and that she is “too much woman for him.”

Scott and Jun have a spat (apparently he tried to approach her about the “coldness” he was sensing from her) and now she won’t take any apologies from him. À la Monica from BB2, she says, “It’s Awwnnn!” She feels she has the upper hand because she can keep her cool while verbally sparring while Scott cannot.

In reply to Dana wanting Scott gone, Nathan tells her that Scott reminds him of Josh from BB3 who slipped up each week. He insists that it is strategy to keep Scott for now and that if Dana plays with her heart, she is a goner.

Alie and Nathan settle into his bed for a long chat before sleepy-time. There is uber-flirting going on, folks. They cuddle and play wrestle and generally look like they are close to getting it on, but don’t hold your breath, folks—this is, after all, American BB. As the poster who posted the update remarks, it looks like she is waiting around hoping he will ask her to spend the night, while he is hoping she will stay, but can’t ask her to stay for the game’s sake.

And that’s it for this gargantuan summary… I can’t believe it is so long. For that, I apologize (I suppose I should have weeded more out), but it is late (all the HGs are snoring at this point) and I have to be up early, so it is what it is. I hope you enjoyed it!