Monday morning and surprise, Jun isn’t the first one out of bed today. Could it have something to do with, oh, I don’t know, pink wine and Sprite and an abundance thereof? Robert is the first to pop out of bed and make his way to the bathroom, but once his business is completed there, he dives right back into bed. The first HG to actually get up and stay up is Erika, who immediately tackles the mess her and the other tipsy folks from last night left behind.

Soon enough, the other women of the house join Erika and the first chatter of the day begins to trudge from their mouths and throughout the house. Erika relates a nightmare that she had which involved being pregnant and having the father attempt to murder her with a screwdriver. Alison, not to be outdone, interjects that she had nightmares, as well, but the only thing she will say about them is that they involved Donnie. Jun, on the other hand, can’t be bothered with nightmares. No, after a night of raunchy jokes and explicit hip and hand movements, Jun dreamed naughty dreams and, as she says this bright and early morning, “That last dream put me right over the edge. I need sex now.” When Erika tells Jun that they have “two perfectly fine guys” in the house right now, Jun ponders which to jump first while Alison guffaws out loud.

The morning is shaping up to be one of many surprises as we see Robert head to the sink and begin to wash the dishes. Sure, we’ve heard him say that he has to help out now that their numbers are dwindling, but did anyone really expect him to? Jun, meanwhile, wallops another shocker when she decides not to make breakfast, but to wait and make an early lunch later. Jun’s not the first one up? Robert’s doing the dishes? Jun’s not making breakfast? It’s Bizarro Big Brother, and now I’m just waiting to see Jun pass up some ice cream, Alison admit that she is a spoiled, whiny brat, and Robert to suddenly declare his utmost admiration and respect for the female gender. Er well, perhaps that’s wishing for too much…

As the HGs gather around the patio and enjoy the late morning, Jun’s dream takes precedence in their conversation and we learn a few interesting facts about it: she was heading to a hotel room to get it on with Will from BB2, but ended up in the wrong room with two other guys with whom she ended up having a threesome. One looked like John Kelly (??), only a little darker, and this surprised her because she isn’t “even into dark chocolate.” Erika also relates her nightmare to Jee, who hadn’t heard the details yet, and he figures that she may be “getting paranoid in here.” Erika only comments about it that being pregnant and experiencing great anxiety over it figures frequently into her dreams.

Despite agreeing with Jun that he didn’t want any eggs, Robert heads inside to make his own breakfast, and when Jun finds out, she is more than a little bit peeved. “Why didn’t he tell me he wanted them? I would have made them for him.” As poster valentine comments, “Robert has stepped on her toes in the kitchen territory.” Jee, in the meantime, is worrying about when the veto meeting will take place—he wants to dress up for it since he assumes it will be his last week in the house. When Jun heads to the DR, he asks her to inquire about it, and within minutes she returns to announce that the veto meeting will take place on Wednesday’s live show. Jee: “Whaaat? Geeeeez.”

The afternoon begins, develops, climaxes, and ends in pretty much a flat line of BB life. Can we rate Robert lounging in the pool, Jee looking morose, Jun doing the dishes, Alie sunning herself, and Erika wandering around looking more bored than me in my 8:30am Political Science Quantitative Studies class in second year? Well, there is a banner plane that flies over the house just after one o’clock, but it is only announcing the premiere of Survivor this season (though Jun seems to think the banner is still for them, signifying that they will be out of the house by Sept 18th). Jee has a glass of wine early in the afternoon, but protests to Jun that he is not an alcoholic. The HGs compare their complaints to those of the Survivors (as every BB cast does) and laugh over how silly theirs seem: they don’t like the smell of their soap, the dryer doesn’t work, and they don’t appreciate being woken up before eleven in the morning. Poor babies.

As the afternoon hours sigh into being, the HGs realize it is Labor Day, and while Erika deems this reason to sing the national anthem, Jun decides to partake of some wine and skip working out for the day. As the wine brightens her spirits and loosens her mouth, Jun tells the others how she was brought to America when she was just a tot, three years after her parents moved there, and how they spoiled her when she did come to try to make her stop missing her grandmother so much. Her brother was born in the States and thus he was given an “American name, Daniel,” while she got “the ***** Jun Mee.” Personally, I think Jun Song is a beautiful name.

3:30pm. Nap. Robert does not kiss on the first date. Nap. Focus on Jee’s gnome. Nap. Do laundry. Nap. Shoot hoops. Nap. Hot tub. Nap. 6:30pm.

The evening whispers into being, and once the women are up from their slumbers, they find their spirits in teasing Jee and telling him that they are going to torture Robert once Jee is gone (not being subtle about his eviction, are they?). Jee tells them that Robert can always lock himself in the HOH room if he wins the coveted title, but the women only laugh the possibility off. In fact, they are so sure that he won’t that they find amusement in the fact that he will have to pack both this week and next.

7:30pm. Listen to CD. Paint toenails. HGs talk about how bored they are. Lift weights. Shoot hoops. Women talk about how they “played” the house and are also disappointed in Jack. Hot tub. Rodent seduction attempts. Robert asks to touch Erika’s abs and then asks her to hot tub with him. She declines. Eat lasagna. Pace backyard. Women talk about how crazy Dana is. 9:30pm.

By now, the night sort of belches into being much like a smelly, gaseous reminder of yester-nights. Chatter, chatter, chatter is the course of events. Erika congratulates Alison for doing everyone a favor by getting rid of the ManTroll. Jun tells Alie and Erika that Nathan made a promise to Justin that he would go after Alie and Erika if the Stooges kept him. Alie admits that she cannot masturbate by herself. “It doesn’t feel good,” she says, to which Erika comments, “I am the best lover I ever had.” Robert meanwhile, not privy to this tantalizing bit of conversation (ice cubes, whipped cream, pressure and toys), is talking to Jee about how he is afraid that Jun, the cut-throat player that she is, will win the game. If he gets HOH, however, he wants to nominate her and Alie and let Erika decide which should go first.

Once alone with Jun, Jee cautions Jun to be careful: “I think you could win and they know that, too.” Jun only scoffs at this warning and remarks, “That is because you know me. You know I made some good moves. They just see me as a bitch who switched sides a couple of times.” Jee only repeats, “Just be careful.” Jun states during this conversation that she ~will~ vote emotionally and vote for Robert over Alie or Erika since Robert has a child. Erika, on the other hand, shouldn’t have gotten “fake tits” if she needed the money so bad, and Alie is a “spoiled rotten” brat who is “manipulating people and using her sexuality.” “That's not what ***** women have fought for the last hundred years—to use our bodies in flirtatious ways to get *****. Her dad can pay for her ***** law school. Robert is the black sheep of the family. He hasn't done ***** with his life and now he has a kid, and I'd rather he pay for his daughter’s life then have these two bitches get the money.” /end rant for Jun.

/Begin rant for Jee. He wants to go home. He is sick of the game. He doesn’t want to have to go into sequestration. He doesn’t care about the money. He doesn’t want publicity, he doesn’t want attention; he only wants to be with his “girl” and family. /end rant for Jee.

And so the night winds down to midnight. Following my bodily airs analogies, I could have some fun with flatulence, but suffice it to say that the brief hour between midnight and their bedtime at one o’clock is nothing more than a hand-covered burp. Jun makes a funny: “Technically we’re not doing a girls versus boys thing. It’s cool people versus lame people.” Jun and Robert discuss the anger that Jee seems to hide and decide it comes from his past. They also decide that Alie and Erika have “no friends” and “no lives” and that is why they have no sympathy for Jee and the emotions he is going through (because, you know, the love and comfort and empathy exuding from Jun is just overwhelming). Jun admits to everyone that, on the night Scott “went nuts,” she took all the knives from the kitchen and hid them in an oven mitt in the HOH room. Finally, Alison becomes more than a little angry when overhears what she thinks is Robert openly discussing her financial situation in a disparaging manner; her eavesdropping has only ruffled the wrong feathers, however, since he was in actuality talking about Dana.

Not long after 1:00am, the HGs snuggle into bed and end their day—again, not an exciting day by any means (no competitions, no meetings, no votes), but another BB day nonetheless. Adieu.