I'm not allowed to say who my sources are, but I've uncovered some details about which houseguests already secretly know each other. I'll share it here because I trust the discretion of other posters here at Jokers, but if word leaks out, I may not be able to share inside info like this in the future. Okay, okay, there's no reason for anyone to go to jail over this - my main (only) source is Hypnotoad's wallpaper. Don't tell him I told, please. Here's what I've scraped together so far:

I happen to be familiar with both Irvine and Orange County, CA (not the one where they build Choppers) and you know what? Irvine is in Orange County! Don't let the producers' clever semantic tricks misdirect you, nor should you let their misdirections trick you. If being from the same county isn't enough to convince you Kaysar and Michael know each other, look no further than this forum for other rumors that corroborate mine. The evidence is compelling.

In the tradition of all Big Brother Erics, this year's model is another manly firefighter. Then there's Beau, a personal shopper who happens to be a man. On the surface, you wouldn't expect them to have a bond, yet they are bonded because of the shiny surface they have in common - their heads. They met at a convention for bald men and were fast friends.

We've seen plenty of gay men on reality shows, but how many lesbians have there been? This season the drought ends, with more-than-just-friends Jennifer and Rachel. Jennifer's home town may be listed as Plano, TX but that's just where she stays during the grueling arena football league season where she dances in the middle row, second girl from the left for halftimes and time-outs. When that's done, she dances her way back to Rachel in Parker, CO, where they enjoy "horsing" around and sharing long walks on mountain trails. They're so in tune with each other that they hold their heads tilted at the same angle without even realizing it.

Don't ask him Howie does it (get it? "how he" "howie"?), but this meteorology student from Chicago managed to woo pharmaceutical sales rep April even though she was in Dallas. Okay, it was the Internet, but you probably guessed that. They met on a discussion board about The Surreal Life (what geeks!) and both felt the chemistry when they discovered that he's interested in drugs, and she's fascinated by meteors. This is a rather awkward meeting of the two, though, because not long ago April gave up meteors and fell for a weatherman in real life, and they're recently married. It should make for some good tension in the feeds. Not playful knife to the throat tension, but tension nonetheless.

With all these long distance friendships and relationships going on this year, it's no surprise the Internet factors in to a lot of the Houseguests' stories. James, 29 and Sarah, 22 met on the 'Net seven years ago, when they were 22 and 15, respectively. Sarah was wowed by James' ability to type so fast, and James was impressed that a hot 15-yr. old girl was paying attention to him. James used his better judgment to stay out of jail, but now Sarah is looking all growed up and perfectly legal. We could see some Amanda/Dave action with this pair, but if she rejects him, it might be wise to hide the knives.

Janelle and Ivette are linked in real life, as the show's "twist" requires, but not only are they not friends, they can't stand each other. Sure, they live in the same town and are the same age (at least according to what they told Big Brother), but the highly competitive waitressing circuit in Miami Beach, FL does not make for easy friendships. There's only so many good tippers out there, and with Janelle being a VIP cocktail waitress, she has a clear earning advantage over Ivette, who is merely a waitress. They've tangled before, and Ivette would like nothing more than to win the grand prize and forever end Janelle's taunting about getting better tips. Also, she could probably ride that Big Brother momentum all the way to her choice of shifts at Hooters, as long as that bimbo doesn't get in the way.

Ashlea and Maggie met while standing in line waiting to be interviewed at a casting call for this season's Big Brother. They were chatting about movies and happened to be talking about "Green Card" when a rumor floated down the line that this year's twist might have something to do with people who knew each other. They immediately started memorizing personal details about each other like what kind of toothpaste they like and whether they prefer the toilet paper to roll over the top or behind the back. They managed to fool the casting directors, but this time it's a double-twisteroo, because in fact they never knew each other before they met at the casting call. Take that, Big Brother!

This last one might have a spoiler in it, so look away if you're sensitive to that. In the most shocking. Twist. Ever... the surprise relationships aren't only between the houseguests. The evidence that Julie is a fembot has been accumulating for years now. No human female could so perfectly replicate the same postures and expressions show after show after show, nor be so mechanical in her choice and delivery of questions during the post-eviction interviews. We always thought she was a machine, and this year the evil genius behind that machine is will be revealed to us. Say all the HG's names, and only one sounds like an evil genius. That's right, it's Kaysar. If his name isn't proof enough, just look at the way he's removed the cranial cover to access Julie's air injection mechanism. Frankly, I'm surprised they didn't photoshop it out before posting the pics for all to see.

So there you have it, all the mysteries about who knows whom are revealed, but try to keep it hush hush, because some people prefer to find out for themselves. (If you're one of those people, I sort of apologize for all this, but not really, because seriously, why would you have read this far if you didn't want to see it?) Happy feeding.