Well, that is what *I* would title this episode if I was writing a Guide for Humans on Vampire Etiquette, but that is just me. The official title for this episode is “I Will Rise…….”

As a devoted follower of the book series, I have to admit I have been waiting for this episode like a kid at Christmas. Alan Ball really likes to change things up a bit, and for the most part I am okay with the subtle differences between the books and the characters. I was not disappointed one bit this week.

In case you missed last week, we are quickly reminded that the Fellowship of the Sun has sent “The Lukinator” out to the suburban vampire enclave of Stetson Stan, Isabel, and Godric the Inked Boy; to destroy the nest after so rudely interrupting Pastor Steve Newlin’s Saturday Morning Slaughter Shut In aka helping a vampire meet the light.

This week we have: Bill sulking, Sookie “ewwwwing” and foot stompy, Eric being Eric, Maryann being crazy, Jason finds a hand of truth, and Godric lighting up like a gas grill.

The Good:
Eric: I’m not going to lie, I love me some Eric. After all, Eric is a 1k year old Viking…he’s tricky. Tricky like Run DMC!! And he had some really awesome moments in this episode!

#1: When Sookie magically comes to life complaining about dead weight. Eric moans quite effectively that he shielded her and moans that there is no time to heal him because he’s loaded with silver shrapnel, and only she can help him “suck out the poison”. Sookie lets out a middle school “EWWWWW” followed by a load of expletives and proceeds to follow his instruction. She gets one piece out and retorts sassily that she is done, and Eric slyly informs her…nope, not yet. I really expected him to start playing “Hotter/Colder/Lower/More tongue” at this point. Then we see that wicked, evil grin spread across his face. When Bill arrives to this scene and snarls at Sookie, Eric is laying there all cocky and looking like he needs a post-suckage cigarette, and drawls that Sookie was indeed, superb. Oh Snap!

Now, I don’t understand why she’s all upset. Eric is sex in a racer back undershirt, plus, he’s got a thousand years of experience, and well ….he’s not whiny and angsty like Bill.

#2: At Hotel Fangbanger when Sookie looks at the VERY dead, not attractive, sleeping Bill in the dark icky room. She rolls over, and suddenly we see a finger tracing her curves. A finger that belongs to a Viking! Bring on the plundering! In sharp contrast to sleeping with Bill, we see VERY naked Eric and very naked Sookie all sexy together in golden light and soft satin sheets, quite a contrast to dead gray Bill. Let me add that Anna Paquin and Alexander Skaarsgaard have way better chemistry together, in my opinion.

Eric is all sunny and not looking dead, at all. We have lazy existential pillow talk, we see Lorena move out of the shadows and tell Sookie that she’s already abandoned Bill. Sookie disagrees, but Eric is kissing on her and “oops, what was I complaining about again??” Lorena purrs from the darkness that Sookie doesn’t want Bill, and she doesn’t fight that statement, because there is Eric with his 1,000 years of experience going to work and saying “this is just the beginning” in a very sexy, ominous tone. Aaaah! Sookie Sookie, now! At this point, I swear I heard Peter Frampton’s “Do you feel Like We Do?” playing in the background.

Eric #3 & #4 – When that bitch on vampire wheels, Nan is taking them all to task and Eric looks over to Sookie and gives her “the look.” Yum! And of course, crying at the impending demise of Godric. Raise your hand if you weren’t boo-hooing into your glass of $16.99 pack of True Blood beverage! Who isn’t moved by Viking fealty and tears? Seriously, Askars knocked that scene out of the vampire ballpark for me, I was completely feeling the helplessness right along with them . Robert “Glitter” Pattison needs to give this Viking a call, I’m just sayin’.

Hoyt & Jessica: While Jess is seriously distressed about her re-born again virgin problems. Hey girl, there’s women who pay good money for that sort of thing, it’s a blessing not a curse! I suspect Hoyt is secretly cheering “Woohoo! I got me a virgin every night of the week! Praise Allah”; while he tries to comfort her that they can do other things instead. Oh, and he wants Jessica to meet his Momma, even though she’s a hater. Jessica curling up in her little hidey hole, while Hoyt hunkers down on the floor and serenades her with vampire love songs while contemplating plans for a tricked out double wide vampire house. Okay, I admit it, Hoyt is sweet, everyone “awwww” together now.

Sookie: I guess I can forgive her costuming and 14 year old “eww” and “gross” moments, because I definitely feel that her strongest moments came at the end with Godric going to the sun, even if she is looking like a checkered tablecloth at a crawfish boil. I also liked the move from cherry pie sweet to decadent sexy during her dream scene with Eric. I’m officially going to wind up an Eric/Sookie shipper at this rate.

Lafayette: Yay! We have our swaggering, sexy, tarot reading, fry cook back! The battle of the “Pectacular” between him and Eggs was made of win! And Lafayette knows something in the water isn’t right, time to get the voodoo priestess!

The Ugly:

Maryann - Ms. Chaos Goddess incarnate. Whether she is turning the patrons of Merlotte into creepy Blythe doll eyed minions, or screaming for Sam, or having existential continental breakfast with Tara & Eggs while blathering about crazy, naked monkeys and God. Lesson here, if someone offers you Hunter Souffle, just say no!

Tara & Eggs – Nothing sexy about looking like you just got out of a ten round cage fight. Not to mention, you have to be about the most ungrateful house guest, EVER! Now, I get that she’s all under the spell of the Manead, but come on, strangling your mom like that when she brought you a birthday present you haven’t found yet under the porch? Get it together girl!

The Meh:

Jason: Now I know that Sookie and Jason had that heartfelt brotherly-sisterly “here are your faults you dumb butthead” talk and hugged it out. But come on, we all know he thinks with his Little Jason and the minute his fly is unzipped, this conversation will go the way of his tight whities.

Arlene & Terry – Did we or didn’t we? Aww, shucks! Giggle. Hair toss. Puke.

Mama Hoyt – Unfortunately, I know a few Mamma’s like her. We’re going to need a whole load of dishtowels for her to cry into for the rest of the season.

Sam the Fly – Bzzzzzz….”hi Andy!” Wtf!

I'm giving this episode 5 out of 5 pieces of shrapnel. And naked Askars has nothing to do with it, maybe.

Next week, we are all back in Bon Temps and taking on Maryann and her horde of pine tree humpers.