When you become America’s Next Top Model, don’t have a breakdown during your one on one with Tyra. We’ve all got problems with family, friends, and ourselves, but your (Finally!) one on one time with Ms. Tyra is not the right time to dump that load. Tyra has her own set of problems, no matter how fabulous she looks, so give it a break and talk to a counselor. Chat up Ms. Tyra about the positive aspects of your life while becoming a fabulous plus size model. Big girls don’t cry on fabulous silk blouses.

Here are some other tips that I’ve picked up from watching three seasons now. Show some style and grit - act tough, flash your very deepest felt soul through your eyes by looking nearly angry, nearly sleepy, and yet, ready to do It right now. Sometimes, just look bored with the whole world and all this claptrap attached to fashion. Show your superiority and look bored at the same time. Look like you just figured out that a bunch of eccentric gay men are in control of this whole scene and it‘s run like Halloween on a big budget. No, don’t do that. These are incredible women’s things you’re selling, and everybody wants one! It’s fabulous!

Don’t smile! These are not JC Penney catalog shots! Look neutral, but alarming at the same time. Don’t look mad or sad, but mostly don’t look happy. At all. Men will think you’re a slut if you wear that underwear and look happy. Look like he’s going to pay dearly for you wearing panties and a bra worth 3 grand, because he is. Very dearly. And you’re probably not going to have them on more than 20 minutes at the most. Gee, and people talk about how lazy models are.

Work that mirror. Practice makes perfect, or some small step closer than the ugly mugs you’ve been making. Don’t look like a girl trying to look like a model, trying to look like a girl. It just doesn’t work that way. Some days, either you got It or you Don’t. You can’t buy It, but you damn well better be able to sell It. It is what you are selling. It might look like purse or a gown or lingerie, but It is what you are selling.

Modeling is hard work, but becoming a model through a TV show is harder. Consider it model boot camp with an emphasis on the camp. Some days are better than others. I am beautiful, no matter what they say. Repeat if necessary. Don’t believe everything you read or everything anyone tells you. Fashion changes on a very regular basis and it can be confusing. What you’re hated for this year might be just what they love next year. Don’t give up easy. It’s just a show, not your last chance in life. Don’t cry on your way out. (Don't smile either.)