Over the past few days, I’ve seen some bizarre fights. I’ve seen fake fights that didn’t fool anybody and I’ve seen real fights that are so absurd they appear fake. These fights are always predicated on silly minutia, as if the instigators were just grasping at some flimsy pretense to yell at someone.
I’m particularly fascinated by the notion of a fake fight. What is the purpose of a fake fight anyway, and has that purpose ever been accomplished? I suppose the putative benefit of a fake fight is to distance yourself from a real ally, to downplay an alliance that otherwise would bring heat on you. But I can’t remember one time that this strategy has actually succeeded. Moreover, participating in a fight is going to bring new heat on you.
So are fake fights worth their risk?
And the Award Goes to…
Ever since McCrae and Amanda have roped Elissa into their alliance, Amanda has been wary of being too transparent. She tells Elissa that they have to be careful about how much time they spend together and forewarns her that she will be standoffish to her in public. But after exploring this option for a little while, Amanda inexplicably concluded that it wasn’t enough.
Let the fake fight commence!
Amanda talks to Elissa outside and when she walks away she bleats to the other houseguests about how annoying Elissa is. She yells at Elissa from across the yard to keep talking her bullshit, taunting her that no matter how hard she finagles, she can’t save herself.
This fight was completely unnecessary. She was awkwardly yelling at Elissa for no reason and that is exactly how it looked. As is often the case with a fake fight, by attempting to cover-up one problem (and failing,) you create a new problem: Amanda comes out of this looking untrustworthy.
And the kicker is that Amanda was so proud of her performance, she can’t help but boast to the rest of her alliance about her Meryl Streep caliber performance. Great job, Amanda!
“This Indian needs a new teepee and I’m about to cut some buffalo up!”
Bring out the booze and bring on the confrontation! Jeremy purloins a bottle of wine for himself and his friends, and after Aaryn complains that other people are “mean-mugging” her and making snarky comments, Jeremy is primed for the attack. “Should I go say something?” he asks. “Probably, yeah,” replies Aaryn.
Jeremy then marches into the kitchen, berating everyone for being indignant over him stealing the wine. He says that if anyone has an issue with it, they should talk to him instead of whispering and implicating his friends.
In textbook Jeremy fashion, he appears to be making a concerted effort to be non-confrontational as he creates confrontations. To his credit, he is rather calm, albeit irrational, throughout most of this fight. But then he will slip up and make some incendiary comment like, “And I promise you this just adds more fire, so you might want to tell them to apologize, kiss my toe, and suck my dick, or something.”
“I came into this bitch athletic, sexy, and ready to play,” Jeremy reminds us. Did I not tell you this guy was going to be entertaining?
Aaryn: “I tried to put a pizza in and McCrae snapped at me.”
Jeremy: “What did he say?”
Aaryn: “’Put in on the rack. Just put it directly on the rack.’ And I was like, ‘Well, the last time I tried to put it on the rack, someone told me to just put it on something.’ So I was putting it on a pan. He goes, ‘You don’t need to.’ Whoa! I thought he didn’t want a target on his back.”
Jeremy: “That’s all he said?”
What is going on with this girl? I can’t believe that anyone is actually this antagonistic. But she is confiding to her alliance; why would she lie about this? I can only assume that Aaryn is assuming this bitchy demeanor to take on some kind of villain status, ensuring her ample TV time. After Jeremy’s aforementioned blowup, Aaryn seizes the opportunity to reprise her ridiculous fight with Candice concerning her hat that Candice allegedly sat on. Turns out, Spencer just made up this story about Candice, but that hardly matters.
As always, Candice apologizes for something she never did and Aaryn finds something else objectionable with the apology. The first time, Aaryn bitched her out for pronouncing “ask” as “axe.” Now, she is bemoaning Candice’s “condescending remark” about her hat being worth 10 dollars.
Hypothetical situation: Candice wins the POV. She walks up to Aaryn and inexplicably says, “Hey Aaryn, I know we’ve had some misunderstandings, but I’ve decided to give you the power of veto in the ceremony today.”
Aaryn: “Fuck you, Candice! You think that I need your help? Do you think you can buy my friendship, like I’m some kind of prostitute or something! Oh my god, did you just call me a whore!? You’re such a bitch! And why do you have to call it the POV? Do you think you're cool or something? Just say power of veto for Christ’s sake! God, you’re a loser! And change that shirt before you think about talking to me again! It’s like you’re trying to piss me off!”
Fight Club Reprised
Having a fight in the Big Brother house is a move that reeks of desperation. The primary issue is that most people get paranoid and their paranoia becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy ensuring their eviction. However—as they say—desperate times call for desperate measures: When you are in danger it may be to your benefit to wreck some havoc among alliances.
But these people are beyond paranoid. They are fighting for sport. There is nothing to be gained here, only lost.
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