I can't remember when I've been less excited about a theme or mentor. Could they possibly go a couple of weeks without the “mentor” hypocrisy or does everyone have a new product to sell? Evidently J-Lo has a new product to sell, another record, this one in Spanish. Maybe the English speakers are on to her. She and Paula have more in common than either would like to admit. How do you build a career out of thin air? Ask Paula Abdul or Jennifer Lopez.

Anyhow, I'm sure the contestants learned a lot about something, if not the art of singing this week. Looking like a star is important too. Ryan says we are in control and I'm thinking Not Me. I wish I had an Idol Easy Button. I would fix a few things on this show. No more mentors/salespitches. It's growing tiresome and boring. Maybe I'm just cranky, but this show is pushing the limits on crass commercialism and laughing all the way to the bank while doing it.

J-Lo coaching Melinda makes me laugh and cry at the same time. Comedy is tragedy is comedy. J-Lo says Melinda needs to be sexy. I told you they would learn something and it wouldn't be singing. Melinda has joined the witness protection program and is wearing a wig and dress belonging to her new identity. She is swaying and swinging while singing “Sway”. She is not as energetic or moving as some of her past performances. Simon thinks she looks old and he doesn't like it at all. Melinda has the perfect retort and is still a great singer, despite this lackluster performance. Every record has a song or two you skip over. I blame it on the mentoring.

Lakisha is all about red tonight. J-Lo at least can help with the Spanish pronunciations. Her advice is “you don't have to do too much”, (as long as you got a booty like mine). Lakisha is doing “Conga”. It is interesting even if I don't like the song or theme. Randy hears great singing and Paula says she needs to push harder. Paula is loopy and Simon agrees with her. The audience boos them both rightfully. Pick better themes and do the mentoring yourselves and stop this ridiculous charade of the caring mentor when all you are doing is more cross-marketing. No wonder America is voting for Sanjaya. It is the only payback left when you have been ruthlessly oversold.

Idol Gives Back. Blah blah blah. J-Lo is once again correcting Spanish pronunciation. At least she is effective. Chris is singing the Santana song “Smooth”. Once he gets warmed up, he finds a groove that the earlier performers didn't. He looks more comfortable with the genre and does a good job. Chris is getting better as he moves along and that is a plus in Idol. He is not my favorite perfomer, but he has moved up in rank among some of the others.

Jennifer coaching Haley singing “Turn the Beat Around” is nearly humorous. Nearly. Turn this. Haley is wearing hotpants and zebra striped top, so I know someone benefited from J-Lo's advice. I have a hard time seeing Haley anywhere except on a cruise ship or a pageant stage. She is just not believable to me at all. If I still drank and drank a lot I might get up and dance, but I don't and I won't. Haley wins the prize for looking most like J-Lo, but that would be the only one tonight.

Phil Stacey says he is distracted by Jennifer. She says he gave her goosepimples. She likes skinny odd-looking men apparently. Phil is singing “Maria”. Like most everything else tonight it sounds like something you might hear in the elevator in Miami on your way up the elevator to ... you write the story. Anyhow, it's OK, but boring. The fishmouth thing does not work for Phil or anyone else though. Simon says he likes Phil and wants to like his performance, but doesn't. It's not good.

Jordin is next and her choice for next week's theme would be 80's music. “The Rhythm is Gonna Get You” is the song choice for tonight. Most of these songs are rhythm based, not melody based, so they require passionate delivery and Jordin probably has the most passionate delivery of the night. She finds the groove and rocks out, especially at the end. Simon says he is bored and I know exactly what he means. It's been this way for weeks hasn't it?

Blake is sing J-Lo's husband's song. Probably a big mistake. She is never going to like it in comparison to hubby, but what the hell. It's what we think. There is a passion in Latin music that some boys don't have. When Blake sings “baby girl” it doesn't mean the same thing as it does when sung with passion. What do I know? Blake is on key and looks great, but he is no Latin singer. It was whitebread Latin music. Randy loved it. Paula loved it. Simon loved it. Like I said, what do I know? Maybe the women were more moved by it or I'm just tired of listening.

Sanjaya is singing in Spanish. J-Lo says Simon might be impressed and then laughs out loud. “Besame Mucho”. I will say it is the first time we have heard Sanjaya's voice over the music in weeks. Is that better or not? It's not the embarrassment of past weeks, but I wouldn't pay to see it again. I bet it keeps him in another week though. Randy says he liked it and laughs. Paula...oh who cares. Simon says it wasn't horrible, which sort of sums up the entire night. It wasn't horrible, but it certainly will not be the show that people remember for years or even days most likely. It was just OK. It is time for someone with some creativity to take the helm and come up with better themes and less focus on so called mentors that have a new product to sell.

Who will go and who will stay? Phil, Haley and whoever is unlucky enough to be the next one down will be the bottom three. It could be Chris or it could be Lakisha or it could be Melinda. The split is going to get everyone but one sooner or later. No one was a standout tonight and no one was that bad. Who will get the votes though? Anything can happen in Idol and does.