At last, BB18 is a delight: a thinking woman’s season. Who better than your sweet, gentle Bigger_Old_Auntee – here to keep you up on what’s really happening in BB folks’ heads? (No real Big Brother people were harmed in the writing of this article. All heads were replaced, and if we garbled up the brains a bit, who’s going to miss them?)
Joker’s Updates members posted page after page of complaints about the “boring new cast.” When the reality might have more to do with a certain talking head. Bigger_Old_Auntee has kindly gathered Jeff Shroeder’s head for your examination. From the start, Jeff’s scintillating interviews worked as foreseen in his use of the “Tried but true” method. Years ago he tried these tired questions and has been true to them ever since, no matter how much the network spent on Hosting School 101.
One must look carefully at these S18 interviews to realize that some are indeed Machiavellian. For instance, a certain HG admitted she was a mathematician, yet can only multiply 9 x 9 on her fingers. Auntee might be old, but stupid? Not so much. I smelled a bit of a rat, here, and hit Google to discover that I was right! Bronte graduated Magna Cum Laude from SDSU. I just have to wonder if the rest of her strategy includes a discreet snort of helium every now and then.
Now that the show has aired a few times, we’ve spotted other HG’s who also sport IQs in the nosebleed range. One notable fellow’s intelligence and in-depth knowledge of the BB game was evident from the first time he introduced himself as “The Messiah” to a group of fellow HG’s who are primarily Christian! Obviously a staunch believer in “How to Win Friends and Influence Enemies,” Josea marched straight up to his designated target and, using remarkable subtlety, told Nicole that “You’re my target and have been right from the start.”
In doing so, Jozea chose to ignore warnings from his own alliance that his target might not appreciate that fact. As he is The Messiah, however, he knew better than to think there would be any negative fallout from his conversation with Nicole. Other random humans might have shown a bit more caution, considering that she was HOH at the time: Josea simply provided her with her very own knee-pads to protect that part of her anatomy when she knelt in daily worship. It’s good to be the Most-Loved House Guest (TM)!
The other HG’s chose to display their respect and adoration for their Messiah by presenting him with his own special throne area where he and two other HGs will sit, after having been awarded the coveted “Nominated” designation. All due to his perspicacity in informing the HOH she was his main target: after all, the majority of the house has Messiah’s back.
Well, that might not be true, in the all-together. If I had to guess, I’d say that MOST of the HG’s do indeed have his back: they’re holding him firmly there so that the rest can stab him in it (on his way for an unscheduled meeting with Julie.) Speaking of whom, there’s one lady sharpening her own knives for Thursday night’s interview, you’d best know that.
In other news, a simply brilliant new alliance, formed by women, is now in action (or will be, as soon as the vat of angina pills arrives for dealing with James’ pranks. In true 007 tradition, they’ll spy on the hapless house guests. Who are these giggling girls? Now, Old_Auntee =might= have a wee hearing problem, but here is the list:
The Spies have already worked out their division of labor: Perverty Spy will make use of the highly-acclaimed Pink Rabbit for a dead-drop, No-Lifey will spend 24/7 eying the Rabbit to ensure the coded report stays safe, and finally when the time comes, Junky-in-the-Trunkie will snatch that Rabbit as swiftly and gracefully as possible, stuff it in her uniquely spacious location for final delivery to the Diary Room.
Well now. It’s been fun, but I must run to the store for another carton of Depends. You know how it is when you get THIS old: life is a real pisser and your memory goes right to shit. Not to mention that in writing articles like THIS one, I believe I lose at least 10 IQ points, not in the least because I’m constantly being told, “Old_Auntee! You’re so smart. Just hanging around you makes me feel smarter.”
Jeez! They think I just fart out Mensa cards or what?
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