BB12 Daily Recap August 3 & 4, 2010

Lyings & Cougars & Brains, OH MY!

Tuesday August 3rd 2010

Usual waking up stuff, brushing teeth, bashing Brenchel, etc etc.

Ragan is having a long talk with Kristen where he outs all of the secret alliances of twos and threes and even outs the Brigade but then talks so long that he convinces himself it is just BB & the Diary Room messing with his head & there is NO secret ‘boys’ alliances. Once again, Ragan’s encyclopedic knowledge of all things BB and all past houseguests and their gameplay has rendered him incapable of playing his own game in the current BB house.

He is encouraging Kristen to fight to stay in the BB house but knows she has an uphill battle.
It is a fascinating contradiction in terms and worth watching on flashback.

Kristen spends the better part of the rest of the day cornering the other Houseguests and pleading her case to stay in the BB house. On many occasions she actually demands that the person leaving her presence tell another houseguest that it is their turn to meet with her. It is kind of sad & kind of funny and Kristen puts a month worth of gameplay into one day and it is clearly too much, too late. For one brief moment it does seem that she has Ragan & Britney convinced but as soon as they talk to anyone else in the house, they change their minds back to evicting her and the cycle starts all over & continues well into the night.

Brendon has come to the realization that Matt is duplicitous and not to be trusted and Rachel agrees. The problem is that he tells Enzo, her new best friend, all of his thoughts & Enzo runs back to the Brigade & Matt, with the information.

The afternoon is spent with lots of hushed whispers & constant campaigning from Kristen and lots of paranoia that her campaign is working from people like Britney & Ragan who have no idea that the Brigade will never let Kristen stay over Hayden.

The monotony of the lather. Rinse. Repeat afternoon is broken by Lane

Diary Room leak with Lane talking about how much he enjoys hunting “Cougars.” He prefers them blonde and 32 years or older before his microphone is turned off and we are left to wonder what other gems he is sharing with the Diary Room.

Ragan is giving exercise instructions to Rachel and Matt and it is very graphic and kind of gross. He keeps comparing his body parts to the reproductive organs of a female and it is definitely cringe inducing.
Meanwhile, Kathy is sitting high and proud on her mountain of morals tells Kristen that she is shocked & disgusted by Rachel’s exercises & tells Kris & us that “she was doing them by the pool” in sequester before they came into the BB house.

They eat, they bash each other, they talk about how wrong it is to bash each other & then they do it all over again for hours.

Kristen has moved to the Cabana room and is in a lengthy discussion with Lane where he convinces her that she has his vote. He even tells her that she can use his name when trying to convince others. He is clearly blowing smoker up her arse but she is in a panic about being homeless once she leaves the BB house & is totally unaware that Lane is playing her.

At one point Kristen totally outs the Brigade and doesn’t even hear herself do it:
Kristen: If you're gonna be open about you're vote, especially tomorrow? That'll be really beneficial. People are afraid... they think you, Enzo and Matt are gonna keep Hayden here.
Lane: I'm not gonna go and...
Kristen: Yeah, just if people ask you.
Kristen: You sure you don't care? People are gonna come to you and be like why?!
Lane: It's a game. Got to think about it from a game point of view. I trust you, I know you're not gonna slander my name. It's cool with me, do what you gotta do, wearing your unitard and hair, drink your wine, and smoke you're one cigarette.
Kristen: (laughs) ok.

Later Brenchel have sex, again and Krayden don’t again. Kristen is desperate to kiss Hayden and continues doing it, even when he is yawning. He tries to tell her that he is holding back because of the cameras and they make plans to see each other at the Wrap Party and agree that their first official date will be the next night.

Kristen thinks she is going to be homeless & doesn’t know what she is going to do since she did not make it to the jury house but Ragan has come up with a solution for her and plans to wait until Thursday to tell her. As long as she is willing to walk his dog, he has decided that she can stay at his apartment. It is a generous and sweet move on Ragan’s part and I wish he would tell her now instead of making her wait while her panic grows.

The houseguests are wired from the stress and boredom and do not settle down to sleep until about 3am.

August 4th 2010

Houseguests are on an ALL DAY INDOOR LOCKDOWN
Lots of hammering & banging & booming is heard outside, in the backyard and the houseguests are in a tizzy going over every remembered endurance competition and guessing which one they are going to be subjected to tomorrow. Matt continually outs his knowledge of every BB season but no one seems to remember or care that his lie at the beginning of the season was that he had never watched but his wife was a big fan & forces him to try out because she was too sick to do it herself. Aw the limited memory capacity of the BB houseguests, works in the favor of the pathological liars getting further, every year.

Put please BB casting, no more diabolical nerds who constantly compare themselves to BB2’s Will but careen quickly into BB11 Ronnie territory.

Houseguest getting up. Rachel & Brendon preparing them breakfast and washing up afterwards, while their surly children talk about how much they hate Mom & Dad and how gross it is that they are together & how stupid they are and how much better and smarter and cooler and funnier they are in comparison. Ad nauseum.

(My Microsoft Works program has crashed twice this morning while I tried to finish this recap. Once at about 4am & then at about 6:30am. This has never happened before and I pray it never happens again. Microsoft support was no help, quel surprise, but if anyone out there has any suggestions on what is happening please contact me! I am going to piece together yesterday’s main events with a very broad stroke & hope that is sufficient. I had just finished 2 and a half hours of nonstop typing on yesterdays recap & I just hope it is for the best that it is all lost in Internet Heaven.)

Britney, Brendon & Hayden are playing chess upstairs. The surprising fact that few of this year’s houseguests knew how to play chess has been rendered moot by Andrew’s suspected confiscation of the red King. For the brain trust that this BB cast is reported to be, their inability to entertain themselves or us, is frightening. The ‘dumbing down of America’ continues to be documented on Reality TV!

Britney bashes Brenchel. Brenchel loves Brenchel, kissy kiss, peck peck, puke puke.

Brenda gets her HOH camera but only for 30 minutes this time, perhaps CBS’s way of cutting down on her multitude of self-portraits. This time she is using the video option on the camera to capture Ragan & Matt wearing her hair extensions & doing their very wicked mean, funny impersonations of her. The now traditional photo of the shrinking number of Houseguests, is taken in the Cabana Room and is very cute. The pictures & Rachel’s second incomprehensible HOH blog are up & available at the CBS Big Brother website.

Britney alone in bed musing over how the houseguests were making fun of Rachel while she was taking HOH pictures. Says everyone misses their families. Can’t tell if she is just talking out loud or talking to us.

2 to 4pm
Brendon cooks some righteous looking stuffed peppers that the cameraman seems to want due to his close-ups while most of the other HG’s take naps.

Brit, Ragan, Matt & Rachel have a debate over who is whom when they compare themselves to the Mean Girls from the Tina Fey movie. Rachel is unaware that their Mean Girls observation came after another rousing Brenchel bashing.

Somewhere along the way today, Brendon alerted Rachel to the fact that he thinks Matt is lying about his wife’s disease. For once, Rachel doesn’t bully him out of his astute observation & Brenchel finally score one point.

More Brenchel bashing by the Brigade & Britney. Kristen cries. Kathy comforts or smothers, hard to tell. Sometimes Kathy’s slap & tickle, cougar gameplay with Hayden is so uncomfortable it causes into question her motives for putting an end to Hayden’s acting out sexually with Kristen. Was her real intention to save Hayden & his family the embarrassment of that kind of display on National TV or was it to save that kind of play for herself & Hayden? My only response is Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!

Matt did sleep most of the day today after getting quite sippy again. The guy cannot hold his liquor!

Kristen stops her nonstop one on one campaign to stay over Hayden, when Rachel summons her to the HOH. They tell her she still has a chance to stay and then start some under-the-cover sex play and then nap afterwards.

Downstairs all of the other houseguests are eating dinner & GarlicGate (Brendon made bruschetta which everyone hated instead of simple garlic bread which everyone agrees they love) comes up again while Britney makes garlic toast.

During a conversation about body piercing, Ragan informs us that when he pierced one of his ears with a needle when he was much younger, his Father told him he was going to die of Aids because of it. Ragan appears to be much younger than his stated bio age of 34. His attitude and demeanor say about 44 while his voice continues to sound like a cat-in-heat on helium & crack.
Dear Ragan, honey, darling, sweetie, please STFU!

Matt is letting the other Brigade members know that he thinks Brendon overheard Matt bashing him to Ragan. Brendon comes in & interrupts this conversation. Awkward to the 4th degree.

Random houseguests observations about how popular they must be and how unpopular Brenchel must be. At some point, Matt subtly tells us and Ragan, who completely misses it, that the only reason he saved Brenchel while he was HOH was not for their jury votes but because he thought America loved Brenchel & if he saved them, America would love him by default. So much for his mensa thinking abilities, diabolical genius indeed, not.

Kristen crying in the Cabana Room again. Kathy comforting her again.
Kathy has now become the death detecting cat in the senior citizen convalescent ward. Everyone she gloms onto ends up getting kicked out of the BB house next and it appears her next victim, or friend, cough cough, is going to be Britney, Lane or Enzo. Enzo wants a side alliance with her and all 3 want her jury vote so they are being nice to her but spending just as much time bashing her as was previously spent solely on Brenchel.

Britney & Rachel have made their way up to the HOH room to prepare for the most ill-conceived BBAD bubble bath in the history of BBAD bubble baths. They begin the marathon tubbing by putting on mud masks that makes them look like the rejects from a horribly inappropriate Minstrel Show but they are unfazed and seem to think their bodies in bikinis and bubbles will excuse anything. Brendon seems to agree & gets Andrew sized Pervert marks for his lustful gazes, “hot & sexy” comments, & obvious inability to leave the room & let them have some privacy.

The marathon tubbing doesn’t end when the bubbles die, it doesn’t end when the conversation is on it’s 15th lather, rinse, repeat cycle, doesn’t even end when Rachel’s posture in the tub indicates that she is ready to give birth, no it continues until the water looks like some kind of putrid, vile mess and their faces match. It is epic grossness.

Neither of them showers off the pond scum & Britney spends the next 3 hours, downstairs, bashing Brenchel to the Brigade to cover her tracks and make sure that NO ONE thinks she could possibly have any kind of alliance with those dullards. Me thinks the lady doth protest too much & long after she should have stopped, she goes on & on like the Mean Energizer Bunny that she is.

Britney’s retelling of her marathon conversations with Brenchel has an interesting affect on the guys due to her exaggerated account of Brendon bashing the other guys physiques & general physical abilities. Lane is self-conscious about his growing waistline & complete lack of discipline about working out. Ragan & Matt clearly have some Napoleon complex, skinny/fat kid minutia that they still haven’t worked out and they are clearly shocked, hurt, angry or something over Britney’s information. The rest of the evening they bring it up again & again. Riling themselves up & promising not to throw the HOH comp just to show Brendon what manly men they are. It is too difficult to discern if this was Britney’s original intention and if it is/was, we truly do have a diabolical genius in our midst but she isn’t Matt.

1:15ish am
Lane & Enzo invade Kathy sleeping with Hayden’s sock monkey in the taj room & an incredibly funny Lane & Enzo version of a Monty Python skit ensues. They are both “pumping her up” to get her ready for the HOH competition and while Lane uses a lot of football metaphors, Enzo rides her hard with Police Academy references. It is quite funny & worth a trip to the Flashbacks on Live Feeds. Kathy clearly doesn’t know what to make of all of it, suspects they are laughing at her & having fun at her expense but rides it out & they finish with hugs all around.

1:45ish to 3am

Late night eating & loud late night smacking by Enzo.
Everyone thinks they should get to bed early & Enzo was going to be in bed and asleep by ten pm but they all keep ‘nervousing’ and talking.

Rampant speculation about how popular they all are and how unpopular Kathy & Brenchel are, led by Ragan & Britney.

At some point this evening, Brendon’s massage time with Rachel takes a decidedly unsexy turn when she stops the proceedings to observe that Brendon is whining too much & SHE is the “boy in their relationship”. Brendon desperately wants to take umbrage at this assault to his ego but his raging hard-on wins this battle & he lets the fight go. It is hard to feel bad about the nonstop bashing they are getting when they set themselves up for it time after time.

Ultimately I can’t decide if I want one of the Brigade to win today’s HOH so that we can see Rachel’s gameplay sans Brendon or watch the Brigade implode with anger & outrage if Brendon wins HOH & they are forced to be nice to him for another week or risk one of the Brigade going home. It is a strange and decidedly interesting predicament.

The nonstop Brendon bashing has run out of ammunition to the point that Britney is now bashing the his deformed toe and I am bashing my head on the desk praying for some kind of entertainment from this crew.

Kristen & Hayden finally manage a little bit on private time once Kathy’s “medication” kicks in & it is kind of bittersweet. It is very hard to watch their obvious attraction & Hayden’s struggle to remain true his “family values” and refrain from acting on his lust or like or whatever while completing ignoring the elephant in the room & denying Kristen any knowledge of the Brigade and how she has been played. Aw such is the misfortune of Big Brother shomances.

The High School bullying game of sticking each other with Mom or Dad (read Rachel or Brendon) to endure their long winded, boring diatribes has taken on epic proportions and is quite hilarious in some instances and breathtakingly mean in others. Britney is especially clever at asking Brendon one question that she is sure will lead into a five minute answer from Brendon and sticking Lane alone to hear him out.

Most other HG’s were honest about who they liked or hated in the BB house, and had outrageous blowups but managed to forgive & forget in the real world. This group thinks they are all honest and like each other but familiarity breeds contempt & the contempt is growing like mold and spreading like a California wildfire in the BB house.

The worst thing is that in past seasons, houseguests loathed each other for how they acted normally in the house, but this season the Brigade & Britney are encouraging people to act a certain way, giving them enough rope to hang themselves by promising friendship & attention and then laughing behind their backs for what they did and said. Often not realizing that taking advantage of people who belong on the emotional Short Bus is not exactly fair play.

For example, the guys were good-naturedly making fun of the booming pretend voice that Brendon used for the POV ceremony and when he objected a little they suddenly told him that they thought it was great & the best thing yet. Enzo went on & on, encouraging Brendon to keep using it & sure enough like the little nerd who thinks the jocks really really, REALLY like him (until he is hung and ‘pantsed’ in his own locker) Brendon started doing the voice nonstop, unaware that people were rolling their eyes & laughing behind his back. Britney actually suggested today that perhaps they needed to lighten up on that but she was quickly shot down & the ‘trap & bash’ continues unabated.

Matt is a major player in this game. As an adult, he might have had some minor success with an alternative band he fronted, but due to his small size & constant need to reassure himself that he is a “diabolical genius” all indications are that he was mercilessly bullied in middle school or high or elementary or all three & he determined that it wouldn’t happen to him again. So here he is, at 33, bullying others, mercilessly, even though he has talked about being bullied as a fat kid in school. He keeps saying this is the first season of BB where all the HG’s get along but in little groups of 2 or 3, he bashes the other houseguests with all the glee of a damaged, not diabolical, genius. It is not fun and it is not pretty to watch. Matt’s attacks on women are especially horrendous and numerous.

The worst part of the bullying is that it is coming from the “cool kids” who are so uber-uncool it is unnerving.

Matt is a misogynist with a Napoleon complex who wants to turn all the other guys on to “Road Trash” after they get out of the house with their new BB fame. Lane is the quintessential dumb jock, bullying redneck, Enzo is straight out of central casting, the stereotypical wiseguy-wannabe that would defecate in his pants and run away like a little girl, if a made man ever looked at him twice. Hayden is the good looking American good-guy jock that seems to be obsessed with covering his face & lust with a pseudo nice-guy aura & a blanket of morals.

Please give yourself the pleasure of looking at Hayden’s Facebook picture for the faux Mohawk hairdo that has the Fashion Police issuing a bench warrant, as I type this. It is hilarious and so “When Bad Haircuts Happen to Nice Boys.”

Britney is her own little slice of mean girl hell. She often refers to her alter ego “Old Britney” as the one that drank & partied too much & was mean & said bad things that got her into lots of trouble & she recently gave us an insight into her childhood when she shared that her Mother always admonished her to not embarrass her by “getting fat”. Britney worked out on the elliptical for a half an hour after eating a turkey burger, because good girls don’t eat after 7pm, according to her Mother. Obviously the toads & maggots that fall out of her mouth in the form of words & thoughts are not a concern of hers or her Mother’s. Looking good seems to be all that matters and it is astounding the amount of garbage that is excused coming out of the “pretty package” that is this years Britney. Any older or less beautiful and she would surely be joining the ranks of BB6’s Maggie or BB11’s Natalie but her lithe body & polished good looks, allows her to get away with verbal homicide, day in and day out. It looks like Old Britney has taken up residence in the BB house with no plans of leaving anytime soon.

None of this year’s HG’s is immune and it will make for some interesting viewing when they start turning all their haterade on each other especially when they have witnessed its bite on a first hand basis. Hayden has even started his own little mean girls club with Kathy; while both of them bash the other houseguests they confirm to each other that they are morally good & God loves them and they love God. No comment.

This is another season of Big Brother with all the clichés intact and I willingly bought the ticket, I just wish the ride wasn‘t quite as bumpy and the villains & heroes were a little less alike.