Shomance 3.0 and the Fights, have begun!

7.21.10 Shomance 3.0 and the Fights, have begun!

Midnite to 3 am: The HG’s are still decompressing from the “House Meeting” but several are very sippy due to a BB alcohol delivery. Ragan is riding high on the delusion that he has the whole house figured out & Matt is his new best friend or Shomance 3.0. No matter what evidence he has to the contrary, Ragan swears that Matt is a “good person” and would never do the things that others are accusing him of doing. In the case of Monet telling him flat out that Matt lied to her face, Ragan lovingly explains it away as Matt just ‘playing the game‘.

Andrew seems to be the best-positioned person in the house. He has a private alliance w/Kristen. A private alliance w/Hayden via Kristen. A private alliance with Kathy. A not so private alliance w/Brendon & surprise of all, a private conversation w/Britney about the House Meeting he missed seems to have cemented an alliance between the two of them. Meanwhile the Brigade thinks they are guaranteed jury house now & don’t even have to work to get there.

It is 12:01 in the BB house & Matt is passed out drunk on his bed. Lane & Hayden go to stand over Matt’s passed out body & laugh. They wonder who is in the next bed and it is Ragan who wakes up & laughs too.

12:20
Enzo, Lane & Hayden are in the bathroom sitting on the couch talking about how great they are. They all agree that the big fight put them in an even better position. They observe that Rachel held her own with Matt but now it is easy for Matt to go after Brendon & Rachel & they don’t think Monet has the votes to stay.

Lane says he hates talking to Brit & Monet all the time but he finds out their position in the house & they all agree that they want Britney out & that the whole house meeting was her fault. Then they make fun of her for apologizing to Matt after the meeting while they were still sitting on the sofas.

Enzo starts talking about telling the DR that Matt can’t go home, he is the brains of our operation. They are very proud of themselves for lying about not being in any alliances during the house meeting & keep saying they are all GUARANTEED jury. They are laughing and having a great time. Lane says we have to work for a few more weeks & then we don’t have to do anything. They are being very harsh about Kathy not even being in the game & when she goes in the DR they probably ask her what she is doing in there, does she need meds or something? Enzo says Kathy hasn’t been in the DR in 5 days.

Now, they are telling Hayden about Kristen going off on Britney in the backyard. They are laughing about Britney’s strategy being crying & the women turning on each other & taking each other out while they don’t have to do anything.
Enzo starts making fun of Rachel saying “she wants to be in the house with the best players & your best friend is Kathy who can’t do anything, are you freekin kiddin me??? Everyone in this house is contradicting themselves.” He is very animated & says Rachel should have gone on Wheel of Fortune instead of Big Brother.

As he is talking about everyone with Hayden he mentions how many “talkers” there are in the house and how they are all talking about each other & laughs that Monet thinks she has the votes to stay in the house. They all agree that it is very stupid to ever be a pawn in the BB house and Matt is very lucky.

Camera 1 shows a long close-ups of Lane & then Hayden ruining their gums with the harshest teeth brushing I have ever seen. Hayden has the WATER RUNNING THE ENTIRE TIME and brushes his teeth for almost three minutes, even walks away from the sink but still leaves the water running. There is a water shortage in the world & especially in California but Hayden & Lane are totally oblivious about it.

The camera switches to sippy Kristen in the kitchen chowing on pizza & follows her & Hayden as they go into the cabana room. Kristen is still very tipsy & Hayden keeps telling her to finish the pizza & go brush her teeth. He ask her twice how drunk she is but no answer. He gets up & kisses her & says I’ll see you in bed & she says, No, I need some alone time. He seems very startled at first but says ok & leaves to go to bed.

In the meantime, Rachel comments that she has been in the same outfit all day & goes upstairs & changes into a sexy black sleeveless tunic top over a gold mini skirt. She hasn’t been called to do her stockade punishment in the BY and wants to be camera ready but when she comes down but Brendon gets very confused about why she is dressed up & starts getting upset thinking that he is ‘missing something’. No matter what Rachel says he doesn’t seem to understand the concept of a women getting dressed up in the evening for stockades & DR sessions.
He says he was ready to go to bed. Rachel says ok, lets do that & another argument is averted.

Rachel & Brendon don’t want to admit that they might have made mistake by falling into ’like’ so quickly and they clearly want to be close but they are on the verge of an argument so much of the time. Kissing & petting or the promise of it is all that seems to stop the fight train. Brendon clearly does not understand the kind of woman she is & makes digs at her all the time about her scientific knowledge or her cooking skills & Rachel bristles at being misunderstood or talked down to. Right now they are laying in the HOH bed and Brendon is telling Rachel that he “trusts her, trusts her a lot, this is the most trust I have put in a female in a long time.”
There is a lot of emotional baggage with that one & sometimes it is rather heartbreaking.

Once again, Kathy walks in & interrupts them. This time they tease her about it & Brendon asks Kathy if she saw Rachel’s nipple. Rachel says BRENDON! He says ‘’well you have had about 2 thousand nipple slips already. Rachel says Brendon again, but softer, clearly hurt. Kathy goes into the HOH bathroom to take a shower & Rachel takes the opportunity to crawl on top of Brendon, which immediately makes all their troubles go away. Brendon sounds and acts immediately aroused & tells Rachel how sexy she is especially when she crawls on top of him. Kissing & petting commences with some affectionate giggling every once in awhile from Rachel. Brendon suddenly breaks the kiss to talk game & lather/rinse/repeat ensues as they continue this cycle of petting & kissing interrupted by random game talk.

In the other room, Kristen has come to bed & she and Hayden are doing their kissing & petting for the third nite in a row. She is sucking on his fingers and there seems to be a lot movement going on under the blanket. They seem to think that if they are in the spooning position the camera will not be able to tell that they are doing anything. Hayden says he wishes he could see her & Kristen says you did earlier but you made fun of me! He says it was a joke & she turns to him & they continue kissing & petting while they are talking.

Kristen talks about how funny it was that she kissed Hayden & two minutes later Rachel walked in. They think she knows but they think they have every one else in the house fooled about their alliance & their shomance. Kristen is teasing Hayen about him leaving her outside alone. There is a lot of lip smacking going on when they kiss, like lots of little pecks instead of long tongue action. It is kind of weird, but they both seem to be very happy with what they are doing! Camera catches a slip of the covers & Hayden’s hand on Kristen’s breast. Kristen says she smells bad & Hayden says ‘yeah you do’ and they both laugh!

The HOH petting session has been halted by Brendon asking another game question, this time about Kristen, & Rachel tells him that Kristen said she ‘controls’ Hayden now. Brendon asks fearfully if Rachel said the same thing back to Kristen about him & Rachel gets exasperated saying she would NEVER say she controls him. Kathy finishes her shower & immediately climbs into bed w/Brendon & Rachel. She is this year’s more politically correct version of Jerry stalking April & Ollie.

1:30am
Brendon & Rachel get out of HER HOH bed and are preparing to go downstairs & cuddle in Brendon’s have not cot. Rachel slips on a gray fitted dress & brown uggs & looks very fit & good without any of her usual “Vegas” glitter stuff. She is being very snappy to Brendon clearly upset about something. Brendon is upset that she doesn’t have any pajamas & Brendon says he is very confused about her clothing & outfits. In the middle of all of this, Kathy lets us know that she has a 25lb cat that used to weigh 35lbs until her Vet said she had to put him on a diet, Kathy then says she is determined to get the BB fish fat, as well. Overfeeding fish. Gee Kathy, I wonder how in the heck they keep DYING?!?!?!

Meanwhile back in “Krayden Land“, they may or may not be stimulating each other to orgasm via manual stimulation under the covers cause there is lots of sighing and moaning and gasping & movement under the covers but who does anyone really care? BB12 is quickly becoming Cinemax lite! Hayden says his body is saying YES while his mind says NO and the covers say SOMETHING IS GOING ON~.
They both think that BB is getting lots of footage of them doing stuff tonite but Kristen doesn’t care cuz she is “crazy about Hayden” & Hayden “loves that”.

By this time the Brenchel Shomance and Shomance 2.0 have both gotten a little stale & boring. Watching hormonally charged young people stuck in a house together spending most of their days nearly naked & spending their nights swearing their undying ‘like’ for each other while striving for an undercover orgasm, is getting really old, really fast. Kaysar & Janelle were fascinating because of the friendship they were developing and the oddly titillating sexual tension that we knew could never be breached because Janelle already had her shomance with Mike and Kaysar’s devotion to his religion prohibited him form acting in an untoward manner, especially on live internet feeds.

Both of the current Shomance’s constantly referencing Jeff & Jordan from BB11 and wondering if they will be as popular as them and imagining it to be so, is just ridiculous. I am holding out hope for Shomance 3.0 and thinking Matt & Ragan might give us some good conversation between their nonexistent makeout sessions but who knows and at this point, who cares?

This seasons camera savvy, out-of-touch-with-reality, wannabe reality TV stars, are mind numbingly boring on the live feeds. No one wants to listen to their constant self-congratulatory comparisons to Jeff & Jordan. Oh, wait. You do? You really want to hear that? Well I’m sorry I will try to be more respectful from now on but it gets really HARD! Get it? Hard, I tell ya!

1:45am
Brendon & Rachel are getting along very well entwined together in the Have Not room because they are not speaking and falling asleep.

Krayden are still going at it but Kristen puts a damper on the whole shebang (intended pun) by asking Hayden to sum up his feelings about her in one word. She goes first & says two words, “puppy love”. Silence. What seems like 5 minutes later, Hayden seems to have grasped the significance Of Kristen’s words & asks, “Puppy Love?” They both agree that they like each other a lot but in the real world things could be different but both hope that they will continue to ‘like LIKE’ each other. Then it seemed like they were really going to start some serious action because it sounded like Hayden asked Kristen to take off her shirt but I was wrong, he said HE was going to take off HIS SHIRT. His pants must have been attached to his shirt cuz they seem to have come off as well.

After his clothing removal Kristen asks him again what his one word would be & he stunningly and oh so romantically, says Baffled. Dead Silence. Awww true love!!! Ps. the kissing & petting & cooing continued. Lather/rinse/repeat. Hayden asks her if she planned on slipping into his bed all day the first day that she did it & she said yes. He said she had bad intentions & she said “very bad.”

Hayden starts bashing Brendon & Rachel’s romance & says he hopes BB will at least make our romance ‘tasteful’ & hopes that America really likes them. Kristen says American will love us, “we are so cute” Hayden agrees. Hayden seems to have gotten obsessed with whether or not America will like them as much as they liked Jeff & Jordan. Then he SLAMS Jeff & Jordan and doesn‘t understand why America loved them so much. Kristen says they are so much “better than Jeff & Jordan.” Hayden says well you top Jordan but Jeff “was the man & how do you top that?”
They start talking AGAIN about how much American will or won’t like them or other people in the house.

This cast is obsessed about how they are being portrayed in the Real World and what their lives will be like after BB & who will be the most popular & who will get the most & the best jobs and who is getting the good edits & who is getting blogged about & who is blowing up the chat rooms, it just goes on & on and tonight, Hayden is obsessed with it. Hayden slips up & says that DR has already told him that their shomance is already ‘out’ (being talked about or known) in America.

We have seen the rush to romance on many other BB seasons, but this seasons self-conscious, TV-facetime-obsessed rush to romance is kind of over the top. Were they promised some kind of bonus stipend if they are this years most popular?

Hayden is afraid that BB might be portraying Kristen as the ‘bitch’ but she says no, they want me to be the wholesome girl & I think they are making you the wholesome guy. Their pillow talk turns to the 500k in between kisses but they are soon sleeping. Hayden sounds like he has sleep apnea. Breathing very heavily & then catches his breath. I thought they were still petting until I actually looked at the feed & saw that he was sleeping. It sounds rough.

2:50am
Rachel has waked up in the Have Not room and goes up to her HOH & gets in bed with sleeping Kathy. All HG’s now asleep.

8am
The bell goes off & Rachel must do another stint in the backyard stockades by herself this time. (she is the only one that got four days). Brendon gets up to keep her company. While Rachel is stuck in the stockade, Brendon gets on the elliptical & they chat across the yard to each other. They start talking game, confident that all of the other houseguests are either sleeping or still passed out from last nights alcohol over indulgence. Rachel tells Brendon that she clearly sees the positive in keeping Matt in the house this week over Monet.

Rachel is definitely not happy with Matt and says, “He didn't play his cards right, especially since I called every single move he made before he made it. So if I can calculate his moves, then he's really not that big of a threat.”

8:50am
BB makes an announcement to wake up all of the HG’s, telling them to get all of their stuff out of the backyard because they will be on an indoor lockdown for a long time. Matt is very very hungover from drinking so much last nite & he can barely move. The rest of the Hg’s are in various stages of getting ready for the day and the lockdown.

A little later Matt & Ragan are alone in the cabana room & Ragan asks Matt how his conversation with Rachel went & Matt says it went very well, better than he expected. He now thinks that Brendon don’t need or want the 500k & they just want to get to the jury house. He says Rachel told him that they would both vote for Matt to get the big money for his sick wife so he is readjusting his strategy to keep them in the house & make sure they make it to the jury.

10am
Rachel and Brendon are back in bed in the HOH and getting hot & heavy. Rachel seems to be giving Brendon some manual stimulation under the covers and Kathy walks right into the room, without knocking! She leaves quickly and they resume their undercover playtime with a little game conversation about Britney thrown in. This time Brendon has added something new to their playtime and asks Rachel if she likes it. She moans her approval and he says “Nice little added bonus?” Rachel moans yes, & Brendon asks “good surprise?” Rachel says “definitely!” We are not shown and can’t see what he is referring to so it is left to our collective imagination.

Back in the cabana room, Ragan & Matt and the budding of Shomance 3.0. They are talking and playing and generally displaying their deep affection for the mutual admiration society they have clearly formed, both agreeing that Matt being compared to Ronnie from BB11 is a horrible and cruel thing. Matt thinks all of America is comparing him to Ronnie now. They start making up funny things to say if Matt gets evicted and then Matt says, “We should totally full on make-out if I’m walking out the door.” Ragan, “Great, now America hates me by association. Never gonna get America’s Fave vote now!“ They continue making fun of Ronnie and the stupid things he did and said in the BB house. They suddenly switch to bashing BB11’s Natalie and say if they are both in the BB all-star house and they bring her back, neither one of them will talk to her & just pretend she doesn’t exist.

11am
Britney is in the kitchen talking about taking large quantities of Niacin to flush drugs out of your system. Ok Brit! Later when Brit & Monet are alone in the cabana room, Britney asks Monet to look up her fiancée on facebook when she gets out as if it is a foregone conclusion that Monet is getting evicted. Monet doesn’t seem to catch this implication and seems happy to oblige. Britney then asks if Monet thinks her brother will audition again for BB after what Monet has gone through. (Monet has a twin brother and apparently they tried out for the show together.) No answer because Matt and Ragan have joined them in the kitchen and they start teasing Matt about how drunk he was last nite. He had a blackout and doesn’t even remember being out by the Hot Tub.

Those of us watching the feeds live are startled and delighted to see Andrew make a “special guest appearance” & realize that he walks & talks just like a real man! Amazing, lol! (we haven’t seen much of Andrew on the feeds, he is like a ghost just popping in once in awhile to cement one of his many secret alliances & then POOF:GONE!) He is laying down in the HOH bed with Kathy & discussing his requirements for a wife; She must be smart & must respect his love of sports.

He is very emphatic when he says that his new wife must RESPECT his love of sports and not get upset if he wants to watch the Sunday football games. He says sports are very important to him & his love of sports better be respected by his mate. Oh, & she must be Jewish.

He wants more children (has a 9 year old daughter from a previous marriage). He will settle for one more but wants 2 if it is possible. He wants a boy very badly to see how he looks as a little boy growing up, apparently forgetting his genetics course in med school and the possibility that the child could look like his Mother but whatever. This is the most interesting conversation in the BB house in some time but it gets interrupted by Ragan exiting the HOH bathroom after taking a deuce. Kathy admonishes him “like his Mother” that he better spray air freshener if it stinks in there.

Now Andrew wants to hear Kathy’s criteria for a mate & she says height doesn’t matter but age does. She wants someone her age or older. Body type doesn’t matter either but she does want a guy that is funny.

Andrew asks Kathy if she would rather have the guy write her a poem or buy her a gift & she says write her a poem & Andrew seems very impressed by this. He asks her about her religious preferences but Kathy doesn’t know what an atheist is and Andrew has to explain it to her. He likes that she says she has to have someone that believes in God.

Andrew & Kathy start talking about Big Brother, the show, after Kathy tells him that she was a big BB fan before she came on the show because she would watch it with her invalid Grandmother. They start talking about their fellow houseguests and how different everyone is and Andrew says he thinks Enzo is going to be the first to lose it in the house because he is already cracking.

On the other feeds, Ragan is talking to Brit & Monet and taking every opportunity to play his version of being CBS President of Production by telling the girls why CBS does what they do & what he thinks they will do, or should do, next. He is still riding high on his developing Bromance and is oblivious to the fact that Matt has an alliance that does NOT include Ragan & that Matt is bragging to the boys in the Brigade that he has Ragan in his back pocket or wrapped around his finger.

Ragan becomes quite animated and amusing when he starts talking about Kathy being confused and thinking she is the HOH this week & never leaving the HOH bed. “It wasn’t a Co-HOH this week (Brendon & Rachel) it was a Tri-HOH or was that just a big old bear rug on the bed all week?” Hearty laughter ensues.

Back to the HOH bed and Andrew starts laughing hard when Kathy ask him what would be the worst color for him to have to wear in a comp & he immediately says PINK but Kathy points out that he just messed up bcuz BB is listening so he goes into a rant about how much he hates blue & purple. He is clearly fond of both of those colors & is hoping BB will never make him wear pink. Andrew wants to keep talking but Kathy says she needs to take a nap. Andrew leaves Kathy to her nap the cameras move to the Ragan & Matt love fest on all four feeds, both ooohing and awwwing about how great each is!

NOON
Kathy and Andrew are still in the HOH, now discussing the difficult time that Andrew is having while continuing to practice His Modern Orthodox Judaism in the house. Kathy starts to tear up and says she really misses her son. Andrew is consoling her. She misses everything about her life, even her inmates and Andrew starts laughing at that. Kathy asks Andrew how badly he wants HOH and he says “Not as badly as you, I want HOH to see my daughter and have Kosher food but this isn’t the right time to win HOH, I will see how it goes, see who is left.”

Britney is downstairs at the kit table talking to Monet about Rachel. She is back to her usual brittle banter & making fun of the houseguests she doesn’t like. Her attempt at keeping things PC after last nites house meeting lasted about half a day with most of that time spent sleeping. Feeling secure that lasts nite’s house meeting didn’t put a big target on her, she rails about how stupid Rachel is and laughs at Rachel telling Britney that she thinks they have a lot in common. The Britch is getting vile again not realizing that most of the house is itching to get her out, including everyone in the brigade and Rachel would be a strong ally for Brit. She tells Monet, “She’s all, well, we’re so much alike, I’m thinking how on earth does she get that but I’m like come here pal (and let me use you)!” They both decide to go see what everyone else in the house is doing.

1pm
Rachel gets her HOH camera and the HG’s all participate in fun picture taking time for the CBS website. They take pics of Enzo sitting on the toilet because he loves leaving the door unlocked so people will walk in on him while he pretends to defecate. Then lots of pics around the table & then the try to form a pyramid with Enzo’s instructions & Kathy/Andrew (mom & dad) smiling & watching. For some reason, all of the guys decided to wear faux durags on their heads, trying to look “hood”. Hayden suggests that they do another of everyone in the cabana room & they should do this one every week to show the shrinking houseguests. Ragan is very serious about looking ‘hood’ in this cabana room pic. Matt is still hungover & the only guy that is not wearing a durag. Matt is also complaining that he has to endure another half hour of “this camera thing”. He is curled up very close to Ragan on the cabana room bed. Matt & Ragan are both wearing gray shirts and green shorts. They are now so simpatico they are dressing alike.

Enzo keeps coming up with great pic ideas & they are now in the Have Not room taking pics of Enzo feeding some fish sticks to the Have Not room shark while petting it. Funny stuff. Rachel, Britney & Monet are left alone in the Have Not room going over the pictures on the digital camera and there is some sweet but lite bonding.

Later, Rachel is in the cabana room getting excited about writing her blog and asks who will read it and Matt says “no one.” Ragan says “I will read it” very sternly because he is loyal to a fault to the people he likes and he clearly likes Matt but definitely likes Rachel too. Matt corrects his tone of voice and sounds nicer when he tells Rachel that he would read it too, as if he was just kidding with his previous comment. All is well and good, for now.

Most of the HG are lounging in the cabana room discussing where LeBron James may have gone as a free agent. Most think Chicago so he can win a ring. Andrew is very animated in the discussion but never mentions Miami as a possibility. He is in for a surprise when he hears that news. Hayden and Enzo seem to be the biggest b-ball fans and the discussion is lively, with both Britney & Monet & Brendon adding comments. Lane is on the floor of the room & the imaginary bubble over his head says “hmmmmmm food“, while lots and lots of food pictures run through his head. When he finally does speak it is to give a rundown of what he had for lunch, lol!

2pm
BB shows Rachel blogging on a new laptop in what is probably some sort of product placement because they have never shown this before in any BB season and the laptop logo is clearly visible. She is alone while doing it.

Matt, Ragan & Kristen are all sleeping in the cabana room now. They are the ones that had the most alcohol last night and clearly need a nap. Enzo is also trying to nap in there.

Monet is sitting at the kitchen table talking to Kathy about the possible votes she might have so she can stay this week and they both agree that she has Andrew’s vote because Andrew knows that Matt is coming after him. Andrew then suddenly walks by and says that he is so bored that he just keeps eating and that is not good. Monet laughs & says she is doing the same thing but her choices are limited because she is a Have Not. Andrew says he is going to start cleaning again to relieve his boredom and says “what do I need, oh, GLOVES.” Kathy & Monet both laugh.

2pm
All of the houseguests are still on lockdown & lots of banging and noise is bleeding through the feeds from the backyard. The houseguests are convinced that tomorrows comp for HOH will be endurance and they all want to get to bed early tonite so they are fresh for the competition. Lane & Hayden are eating like they do, obviously bulking up to compete with Brendon who they call a non-athlete despite his superior athletic build and workout regime. Most other HG’s are sleeping, out of boredom or sleeping off their lingering drunks from last nite.

3pm
Monet has inexplicably changed into a very tiny bikini. Perhaps thinking that if she really rocks that bathing suit BB will let them go outside. None of her bikinis totally cover her buttocks. She is either showing butt cleavage or lots of butt cheek but as usual she is bashing Rachel & her mode of dress & calling her a ‘skank ho‘, while talking to Britney in the communal bathroom. They both think Hayden & Kristen are a couple and Britney says that Hayden will vote however Kristen tells him to. Brit says she is about to cook a whole pan of cookies and eat them even tho she is a Have Not and that she really misses her Mother. They are both upset that the indoor lockdown is not over because they cannot get any privacy to talk. About that time, Andrew comes out of the toilet room with his cleaning supplies & declares it “spotless & Enzo free!”

In the taj room, Kristen is telling Hayden & Kathy that she thinks they have to get rid of Monet this week & Matt next week. Hayden agrees with her, nodding & smiling. Hayden turns the conversation to Kathy’s not being able to smoke on lockdown & he encourages her to use the opportunity to quit while in the BB house. He tells her to “buck up, suck it up!” Kathy just laughs. Matt comes in & asks if they have heard anything from Brendon & Rachel & Kristen says they said to vote however you want to. Matt is surprised & pretends to be scared & not know how Enzo & Lane are going to vote.

A little later, it looks like someone is going to use the chess set for the first time when Kristen, Hayden & Matt go upstairs to play. They find Andrew already up there, playing chess by himself. Who knew?

We get a quick flash of the backyard build & it is an elaborate erector set contraption, so HOH comp may very well be endurance, even though that usually doesn’t happen until week 4.

On the other feeds Rachel & Lane are trying to start a made-up game but the minute Rachel leaves, Monet & Brit say they don’t want to play. They are working hard to keep their true selves in check but it is slipping out anyway. Britney has no idea that most of the guys in the house want her gone because of her constant bitching and backstabbing.

Monet asks Rachel if they can talk & they go into the Have Not room for privacy. Monet is concerned with where she stands now & whether or not she is still going to be voted out. Rachel tells her she has no power anymore but Brendon is really angry with Matt for telling everyone they were bullying the houseguests. They rehash the same thoughts & feelings from the house meeting with Monet adding that she feels like a fool for trusting Matt. They lather/rinse/repeat and then have a group hug with Britney who has joined them. At the same time, Matt & Andrew are in the SR having their first real conversation of the season. They seem to come to a truce of sorts but both are clearly wary of the other.


7pm
Kathy, Matt & Ragan are in the jumanji room laying on their beds & Matt & Ragan are discussing all of the things that CBS is doing wrong this year with Big Brother. More obsessive wondering and talking about how they are doing in the ratings and whether or not American likes them. More people join and now they are worried about how they look in the DR. Matt is afraid that he looks shifty on the Diary Room camera.

Lane & Enzo are feeding the fish. Enzo starts yelling at the fish that they are anorexic and they should feed them some weed so they get the munchies and eat more to stay alive! Kristen and Matt discuss the fun & benefit of doing a girly makeover on Hayden.

The Show on CBS Wednesday edition covered the nominations aftermath, the tension of the Veto competition and who gets nominated if Britney or Monet win POV and take themselves off the block. During the show we are shown Britney & Monet being mean & gossiping about other people in the house, especially Rachel. Britney wins POV, uses it on herself & Matt (who volunteered, of course) is put up in her place. Matt calls himself “a diabolical super genius“ for lying to the houseguests about his wife having a painful, incurable disease, which he found on the internet and thinks his knowledge of the disease and being able to name it, lends authenticity to his lie. He doesn’t know that Andrew is a podiatrist and therefore CBS shows that he doesn’t buy Matt’s story even for a minute.

9:15pm
Ragan is up in the HOH house talking about last nite’s house meeting/fight & admits that at one point the thought Matt was really playing him and that Matt was going to be “His Brian” and betray him horribly. Meanwhile, Matt is already betraying Ragan in all of his conversations with the Brigade. Ragan is making Brendon laugh so hard by talking about how in the world Kathy can play the game w/o going to the Diary Room in 5 days. Ragan, Brendon & Rachel are very relaxed around each other and having a really good time except when Rachel gets sensitive about something Brendon says & they start snapping at each other. Brendon is teasing her about saying “expect the unexpected & obvi, too many times!” They get over it quickly & Ragan makes them laugh about something new & everything is FABULOUS in the HOH house.

Spontaneously the small group in the HOH start playing a wild game of charades on the HOH door camera & they are having so much fun that Hayden, Kristen & Andrew come up & join them. Andrew is hilarious trying to do Shawshank Redemption & is totally surprised and happy when Rachel figures it out. The hilarity is muted somewhat when Ragan & Hayden start talking about how ‘great’ this will play on TV. Meanwhile Monet & Britney are downstairs in the jumanji room spilling all of their house secrets to Lane who is easily playing the dumb lug to their conspiracy theories & taking mental notes to relay back to the Brigade.

Britney is telling Lane that she has heard that Kristen is definitely coming after her & Britney says that she hated Kristen from the minute she said that her least favorite thing is “insecure girls.” Britney apparently took that very personally & now hates Kristen for ever!!! It is so sad & revealing it is funny.

10pm
BB announces to the houseguests that the Storage Room is now available. Britney says she didn’t mean it wasn’t available & that is just BB’s way of saying they put something in there for the houseguests. When someone says it is libations, she says “that doesn’t help me in anyway.” (she is still a Have Not.) Later Monet is crying to Kathy and doesn’t understand why Kathy won’t vote to keep her in the game. Kathy says “there is a lot more going on in this house that I know nothing about.” BB does a close-up of Monet crying & Kathy tells her she only needs 5 votes & keeps hugging Monet.

Monet is now in the jumanji room sitting on a bed with Britney and talking about votes she might have. They think that Kristen and Hayden are related based on their pics on the photo wall, their eyes are close together. Later, in the same conversation they discuss Hayden & Kristen also being in a shomance which is mind boggling but they don’t seem to catch the contradiction or implications.

Hayden walks in & Monet says she is so sick of crying. Hayden gives her a hug & tells her it will be ok. Matt walks in and Britney asks him if he is going to have another bottle of wine tonight & he says no. He says he has to change shirts because he thought he was wearing one of Annie’s but Kathy told him it is hers & wants him to take it off. It is a tight, black, camisole type top & he rips it as he is taking it off.

Lane comes in again after leaving to check out the libations and attempts to talk Britney into using her mascara to fill in his beard for the live show tomorrow but she says her mascara is too expensive to waste. Matt says BB will give you more but Britney doesn’t think they will & says “I have a limited supply of mascara in this house.” Lane retorts that he has “a limited supply of patience for Britney in this house.” Britney stands firm on her unwillingness to share her mascara.

Matt & Ragan join them in the jumanji room & Ragan & Britney reveal such an extensive knowledge of Sex in the City that Matt is alarmed. They talk about a few other favorite shows randomly. Kathy is in the kitchen cleaning & then goes up to HOH & says the room smells like sex. She tells Brendon & Rachel that she thinks Monet is going home but she is going to give Monet her vote because she is angry about some of the things Matt has said & the lies he has told. She doesn’t believe that his wife has a disease. She wants to make a statement against Matt on moral grounds.

11:15pm
In the jumanji room, Britney, Monet, Hayden & Ragan are having a food conversation & genius Matt reveals that he did not know that hummus is good for you. None of them remember what hummus is made of. Enzo comes in & joins them & Britney is doing her “what if” game & ask Enzo what his biggest fear is & he says “Aids & rats and Rats with Aids!” They all laugh. Matt says his biggest fear is tampons & period stuff. (this guy has some major issues with women’s bodily functions.) Enzo points out to him that without tampons everything would be a bloody mess. They keep talking about random sometimes funny stuff & keep getting in trouble with BB when they call out website names.

Hayden says his biggest fear is UFO’s and they start talking about aliens & advanced life forms. It is mind boggling. Lane interrupts and ask that they just talk about fun stuff and leave the aliens alone. I agree with him for different reasons but the alien talk continues & Enzo chimes in with his theory that aliens can impregnate male & female humans just by looking at them, but men have their babies differently than women. He says, “trust me, the aliens know what they are doing!” It is hilarious. He actually stuns them all into complete silence for a few seconds. Britney starts talking about alien movies and Enzo says “that is all made up, come on do your really want Marky Mark saving you from aliens?” Funny stuff! Brit then ask him if he shaves his chest & he says he just trims it but if he wins HOH someone is going to have to do his back. Brit then asks him if he trimmed his pubes too & he says yes.

Enzo says he has to trim down there or it will look like a huge afro. He says his balls are bigger than his penis and he never trims his ball because he can’t risk hurting them. Britney seems very surprised by this & pushes him to tell the truth. He says, “yo the skin is too loose like a chicken neck, he gets around the taint but hat is all.” This guy is so out there I don’t know if he should be on the ward in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest or have his own special on Comedy Central. The conversation ends fairly quickly after Britney announces that she will definitely dye her pubes if they start turning gray.

Around the same time, Andrew & Kristen are in the taj room & Andrew tells Kristen if HOH comp comes down to him Andrew & Kristen, he will drop & throw the HOH to them. Kristen is pleased to hear this. The agree that Monet is going home & Kristen says that if she had been more open & talkative to everyone she wouldn’t be in this position. Andrew says he doesn’t feel sorry for her going home early because she has the 10k. Kristen says that keeping Matt keeps her & Andrew & Hayden safer than if they kept Monet, “Matt will go after Brendon & Rachel and we will be safe.” Andrew says it is time for him to do his “rounds” and Kristen doesn’t understand him. He gets a little nonplussed and says he is just telling everyone good nite and indeed he walks thru the house & tells everyone he is going to sleep & good nite!

Up in the HOH, Rachel is telling Kathy that Brendon told her his family probably won’t like her. She is very upset by this & hopes that CBS is not portraying her as a ‘cocktail stripper person’. She asks if Kathy would like it if her son got involved with someone like her & Kathy says she would love Rachel! She reaffirms to herself & Kathy that she is not going to do anything else in the house with Brendon because his family is watching and so is hers.

Kathy gets called to the Diary Room which sets all of the jumanji crew laughing about the Diary Room finally busting Kathy’s cherry. In the HOH room, Brendon is back and trying to explain what he meant about his family and tells Rachel that his family is f*cked up and his Father is always just waiting for him to screw up or fail in some way, that nothing is ever good enough for him. He is sorry for hurting Rachel and says it doesn’t matter. She is cute and adorable and beautiful and good and that is all that matters. Rachel asks if she is buxom and beautiful and Brendon says yes. They are cooing & kissing again, Quel Surprise! Brendon says that his parents are important to him but the only approval she needs is his niece’s.

Midnite finds Enzo and Monet in the kitchen eating walnuts out of a bag and justifying it to Kathy because walnuts are in the fruitcake. There appears to be no repercussions for Enzo’s and now Monet’s numerous violations of the Have Not eating rules.
Brendon gets called to the Diary Room and the other houseguest tease him about BB ‘interrupting’ Brenchel (Brendon & Rachel). Brendon comes back from the Diary Room and Rachel tells him that she is apparently his stress reliever. He says, Yeah when I’m stressed you calm me down. and calm. Rachel whispers that is not what ‘they’ meant, talking about BB production. He says, “Well you know I want to be your boyfriend.” Rachel says, “Brendon, you already are!”

Brendon says he is an old-fashioned guy. He looks at her seriously and says, “Rachel will you officially be my girl friend?” Rachel says “Yes” and they go to kissing and cooing like they do. Rachel shouts out a thank you to BB saying they gave them (Brenchel) the best prize ever, meaning each other. Rachel says she has to change her relationship status on Facebook. “I have over 5000 friends and a fan page!” She does not explain what the fan page is about & we are left pondering the implications of the demise of her science career for her Vegas showgirl career.

The other houseguests, Monet, Brit, Enzo, Lane, Hayden, Matt & Ragan are in the jumanji room talking and laughing about football and their favorite teams and players. They are loud and don’t seem to care or know that Kristen and Andrew are trying to sleep in the next room that has no door and they eventually wake up Kristen. Andrew is afraid that she is angry and going to cause a scene and put a target on her back and cautions her to calm down and take a deep breath. She says she just can’t sleep with them talking like that and gets up to sleep in another room.

Andrew unceremoniously and hilariously gets up from his bed & walks to the light switch in the jumanji room and turns it off without saying a word. It is a clear message to everyone in there that not only are they being too loud but he can hear everything they are saying.

The brigade is alone in the jumanji room with Ragan and Matt takes the opportunity to ask if he is safe. Ragan gives Matt the thumbs up sign and then holds up 6 fingers signaling that Matt is going to get 6 votes. Ragan thinks that the order they get called into the Diary Room to vote will be very revealing. Enzo says this HOH will be brutal, “Grenades were dropped last night, there was blood on the wall at that meeting!” Britney comes into the room and they talk about Matt being called Ronnie from BB11. Matt starts talking about how much the Diary Room and BB Production manipulate the game and Britney agrees. We get the bubbles again which means that BB is probably making a stern announcement telling the houseguests not to talk about their Diary Room sessions or BB Production. When the feeds come back Ragan is talking about how much planning goes into casting BB and getting just the ‘right fit’ of houseguests. He and Matt start comparing some of their experiences about the casting process and we get BB Bubbles again.

They forego the libations BB provided them and most go to bed early but Lane, Ragan & Matt are so nervous they keep talking and can’t get to sleep.

In the middle of all the BB production talk Lane talks about missing his family and how the house is making him realize how much he takes them for granted. Lane says it would be really sweet to win HOH & get a letter from home. He says he liked Rachel reading hers and he was able to apply all the good things in it as if they were coming from his family. It is very sweet and gentle and endearing from our resident lug. He thinks he is going to get hate mail for his stupid questions about Judaism but he thought it was better to ask than just pretend he knew or just ignore it.

Ragan starts wondering who is the most liked and least liked this season and Matt says, “you mean who is this years Natalie from BB11, I don‘t think we have one?” Lane thinks it might be Kristen but says they would be wrong because she is very sweet but just reserved and hard to get to know. Matt says he became obsessed with the minutia of BB as soon as he knew he might get cast. They think that everything that happens in the house is going to be edited and skewed a certain way to follow a script that BB wants for the viewers. Ragan says that the viewers are smart and they can figure out who is this years BB11 Natalie (the bad people) and who is not.

1:15am
Brendon has gone down to the Have Not room to finally get some sleep without Rachel and Kathy has joined her in the HOH bed. Right before they say their final good nights, Kathy ask Rachel to tell her again what she wrote in her blog as a shout out to Kathy’s son. Rachel is silent for a minute and finally says she can’t remember exactly but something about Kathy really loving him & missing him. Britney thought Rachel did a shout out to her fiancée and made a point of thanking her for it and Rachel didn’t correct her or let Kathy know that she didn’t do a shout out for either of them. Her blog is up on the CBS website and is possibly the longest, most ill conceived BB post ever. Her misspellings were particularly interesting considering her college degree. She used rain instead of reign and night instead of knight, as one small example. Teachers across the country can use her blog as a threat to their students to learn proper spelling just in case they end up on a pseudo reality show. It could work after reading hers!

Lane & Ragan & Matt are still up and obsessively contemplating their popularity outside the BB house. They are painting a picture of nonstop parties and personal appearances where everyone wants to be their friend and buy them drinks and pink ponies with stars coming out of their asses will shower the world with fairy dust. Ok that last part may have been a little bit of writer’s embellishment but seriously, the world they are imagining must be on one of Enzo’s alien planets. It sure as hell isn’t life after Big Brother in the United States of America.

Lane says he was dumbfounded and amazed when he went into the DR to vote for the first time and heard Julie Chen say his name. “Someone that high up knows my name, I am from a small town, it was amazing!” They all think that Big Brother is much bigger than other reality shows like MTV’s Real World. Ragan says he doesn’t watch BB After Dark on Showtime nor does he watch the live feeds because he loves the slick way that BB edits and produces the episodes. Wait, how does he know about BB’s slick edits & how different they are than what is really going on in the hose if he doesn’t watch BBAD or the live feeds?

Lane is continuing to reveal a softer, more intelligent side of himself during this lights out conversation with Matt & Ragan. He feels bad about Annie losing herself and becoming a completely different person when she was nominated. He tried to talk to her about it and told her that he didn’t know who this ‘new’ Annie was & she needed to go back to her real self but it didn’t help her. He changes the subject and talks about how huge BBUK is and how the houseguests over there become superstars and have big careers. Ragan mentions that this show is huge in Canada and he was on there version of Entertainment Tonite Canada and zap, the feeds are replace by the Bubbles again while BB tries to reign in some of the production secrets that Ragan is determined to let slip. BB likes to advertise that the houseguests have no outside contact during their tenure in the house, but most are probably already working with an assigned agent when they go into their Diary Room sessions.

The guys talk a little bit more but slowly nod off & just when we think that all the HG’s are sleeping BB breaks the silence by saying “Kristen and Hayden, if you are going to talk please put your microphones on.” They must be panicked thinking that BB just outed their late nite trysts but their whispering is very quiet and I can’t make out what they are saying. I do not know when Kristen crawled into Hayden’s bed in the taj room but they are fully entwined and still kissing every now and then. No one else sleeps in that room except for Andrew because Kathy has been sleeping in the HOH so no one knows about their repeated forays into sexual bliss and if Andrew hears it, he is only sharing his thoughts with God.

2:10am
Kristen ask Hayden if he is going to put in his retainer. I cannot hear Hayden’s reply but earlier in the day he said he was going to have to start wearing it again & would Kristen still kiss him when he had it on. She said yes. Since Kristen is next to the floor & Hayden is near the wall, Kristen gets up to get his retainer and when she asks him where it is, he says in his bag. We have Bubbles once again & when they finish Kristen is back in bed with Hayden and they seemed to be finished with their petting and cooing for the nite.

2:30am
Hayden is apparently a mouth breather and may or may not have sleep apnea. He gasps for air every once in a while or it sounds like he is gasping for air then he settles back down. It seems to be worse when he is sleeping on his back and subsides somewhat when he turns on his side.

2:40am All of the houseguests are sleeping.

The houseguests have been on lockdown the whole day and they are very nervous and excited about the upcoming HOH competition.

Britney is being funny but in her Britchy & cruel way. Monet is being Moany about getting evicted and finds little comfort in the 10k she is taking with her. Lane & Hayden aren’t doing much but eating, except for Hayden, when he is macking with Kristen late at night. Ragan is showing his encyclopedic knowledge of all things BB but entirely clueless about the season that he is actually a part of & totally deluded about Matt. Matt is skulking around talking about his blackout from last nite or telling the Brigade how brilliant he is. Brendon & Rachel are still happy when they are kissing but snippy when they aren’t. Kathy lays down or naps whenever she is not interrupting one of Rachel & Brendon’s makeout sessions. Enzo is being his funny but manic self, Kristen is being quiet and attempting to be pretty wallpaper & Andrew is relieving his boredom by cleaning or casually spying on everyone in the house.

It‘s been a hot and heavy day in the BB house with lots of foreplay and stimulation but no real sense of gratification or payoff. Shomance 3.0 or the ‘Bromance’ has begun and there are lots of different alliances but we haven’t had one of those good, chaotic, climactic, eruptions that makes BB so much fun to watch. Maybe this week, after today’s HOH competition. Something powerful is definitely building!