Episode summary for Big Brother TV show, Sunday August 16, 2009
What a week the houseguests have had! Since we checked in on them last Thursday, the Cult of Jessie has lost their leader, and his followers – Chima, Natalie and Lydia, heretofore known as Heaven’s Gate – have lost their minds. Big Brother historians will remember the Nerd Herd from Season 6. Those people made big ol’ fools of themselves when Cappy was unceremoniously evicted week 3. They gathered the stuff he left behind and made a sad little shrine and cried over it every night and played the rest of the game – all 9 or so weeks of it – to avenge Cappy. It actually worked out for them, so good on them, I guess. But they looked like a bunch of goofs doing it. However, we are about to find out that Cappy’s Coven has nothing on Heaven’s Gate. Read on…
BB reminds us that America chose Jeff to received the special power – the Koo Day Taw (coup d’état). The first thing Jeff did when he revealed his power was take Lydia off the block and replace her with Natalie. Then he took Russell off and replaced him with Jessie. At this point, Jessie takes his shirt off for reasons unknown. Underneath he has yet another shirt. It’s got a picture of himself on it and a caption that reads “The Man, the Myth, the Legend.” Ugh.
So how did the HG’s react when Jeff replaced the nominations? Here are a few reactions, in their own words:
Jordan: completely shocked, thanks America! You put it in the right person’s hands!
Russell: speechless – shocked and relieved
Chima: livid, wanted to wring Jeff’s neck. I think she wanted to do more than that. She says she was sitting there looking “prim and proper”, but I beg to differ. She looked like she was about to grab a meat cleaver and give Jeff a vasectomy – after she chopped his testicles clean off and made earrings out of them.
While Chima sits in a stew of her own anger and helplessness, Jeff gives us a rundown of his thought process in using the Koo Day Taw. He uses a lot of words like “America” and “gift,” but really it boils down to the fact that he wanted Jessie out and Natalie was a for sure vote for him. Thanks for making it seem noble, Jeff, but we didn’t just get on this train yesterday.
So while peeps are voting, we are treated to the conversation between the HGs. Chima tells Jeff she didn’t think he would be stupid enough to use it. What? Oh hell, even you don’t buy that, Chima. You think the power to change HOH noms and replace with your own comes along every day? Of COURSE you gotta use it. You woulda used it had this been last week and Ronnie was on the block, and don’t even pretend like you wouldn’t. Natalie yammers something about loyalty and no one pays her any mind. Jessie mutters that it was a good move. Jeff explains himself a little too much, in my opinion. This game is one where you are only as good as your last at bat. You’re chopping the head off the monster, and that’s all they need to know. Chima keeps giving ominous warnings about targets and deals with the devil. She claims that she can win again and there is “no power next week.” How do you know that, Chima? EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED, sister friend. You have no idea, which is why this game rules.
Julie tells everyone again that by a vote of 3-2, Jessie is evicted. Another small walk down memory lane shows us the Kevin diss once more, but this time we get Kevin’s thoughts:
Jessie dissed me as he was being evicted. He is exactly what America thinks he is – this self-involved egomaniac, megalomaniac. I personally was happy to see Jessie go.
And then BB shot Jessie dead and threw his body into Los Angeles traffic. Wait. Let me rewind. I might have missed something. Hmm. Seems he did not die, he was merely voted out of the game. I was confused for a moment because Chima and Natalie and Lydia were all crying and speaking of Jessie in the past tense. Calm down, ladies. Don’t bust out the purple scarves just yet.
Jeff is flummoxed as to why everyone is so mad. He asks the question “why are you guys so mad, is it because you lost the power?” No Jeff, they’re pissed that My Name is Earl was canceled. Darnell and Joy just cracks them up! You just sit over there and look pretty, k?
Then Jeff gets an argument with Chima about the definition of loyalty. It’s one of those conversations where I am yelling what I wish he would say at the TV. “JUST SAY YOU STAYED LOYAL TO THE PEOPLE YOU ARE LOYAL TO!” But he didn’t. He went round and round with Chima until it was time for the HOH competition.
Which, by the way, Michele won! Reaction to her win is met with tepid optimism from all sides. They don’t really know about ol’ Michele and where her loyalties lie. Russell is a tad afraid because he was a butthole to her last week and he knows it. Kevin reiterates the general tone, which is no one knows what the hell Michele will do. Jeff seems fairly confident, even though he admits they don’t have an official agreement. All in all, it seems to be a big question mark.
Jeff and his current allies (Jordan, Russell, Michele) discuss the recent upheaval. Russ says it’s been the best move in the game so far. Jordan once again repeats she was shocked. We know, hon. Drink your juice. Michele is thisclose to scrawling “Mrs. Jeff Schroeder” on her Trapper Keepers, she is so clearly smitten with the handsome Midwesterner. She swoons over Jeff’s ability to make bold moves.
Heaven’s Gate is chatting about recent events without the presence of the enemy. It’s pretty much what you would expect. Natalie is sure Michele is putting her up, they are all angry that Michele doesn’t seem to be holding a grudge against Russell. Chima tries to give a pep talk, assuring all that if she wins HOH next week, she will go after Russell. Yeah, you really didn’t need to say that, Chima. You have been after Russell in one way or the other since Day One. Have you considered that your status as an open book may be what is hindering your game? Take Lady Gaga’s advice. P-p-p-poker face, girl. P-p-poker face. She says she’ll talk to Michele, and Kevin warns that she shouldn’t come across like she’s telling Michele what to do. Oh, Kevin. Bless you for trying, but I think that ship has sailed.
It’s time to see Michele’s HOH room! I always wonder how I would behave in the same situation when a person I could not care less about has won HOH and is now beseeching one and all to look at her new room. I suppose I would go through the motions, but I am not pretending I think baby pictures are cute and photos of relatives are good looking when I don’t think so. And I am definitely not pretending to be in love with rats. Jeff agrees with me, if his DR confession is to be believed.
Jeff and Russell have a little heart to heart. Russell promises that he will give Jeff the POV even if they are both on the block together. They worry a little about Michele’s nominations, but they mostly think they are safe. Mostly. Russell realizes that Michele may still be mad at him for acting like an ass to her last week, so he runs up to the HOH room to do some damage control. He wore his glasses, that’s how you know he’s being serious. In its edited form, the chat was kind of disjointed and weird, but basically they hug it out and agree to start over. Michele tells us she is going to be cautious, however.
The HGs are given a feast of Chinese food this evening. Mmm. I just ate my dinner 20 minutes ago, is it weird that I am hungry again? The HGs seem to have wandered off into their respective teams, and Natalie enters the room with… Uh oh. The booze has been broken out. Apparently, there was a bottle left over from Jessie’s funeral and Heaven’s Gate decided to drink it in his memory. Quick! Someone look to see if these gals have Nikes on right now, because I have a really bad feeling about this. They begin to drink, and so far they are all conscious. Whew. I guess this isn’t the poisonous batch. The toasts they give are truly cringeworthy, though:
“To Jessie…the man, the myth, the legend. We only got a taste of you, but you are Mr. Pectacular.” Eyeroll.
He was just so good to me.
Outside in the backyard, Jeff pretty much underlines my attitude about the entire thing when he says: “Dude, the guy’s f*cking alive. RELAX.”
While the backyard crew is perplexed by the overreaction of Heaven’s Gate and their total miscalculation of how great Jessie actually is, Heaven’s Gate is discussing Jessie and it is making them cry. Hard. He was so good, he was so funny, he prayed for everyone in the house and all the little childrens of the world. He never had a harsh word to say about anyone and he was planning to devote his life to blind orphans, puppies and the elderly. How could anyone be so cruel as to murder such a glorious soul, they weeped.
Kevin has been hanging out with Heaven’s Gate ever since Jessie’s death, and I think we should all take a moment to admire his intestinal fortitude. I can hardly make it through the couple of minutes they show on TV, I can only imagine how hard it would have been for me to keep down my won-tons if I had to sit through it for the whole night. He tells us in his DR confession that he thinks they are just as “ridonkulous” as we do. Whew. Glad he cleared that up, I was kinda wondering. He's right, though, the crying is ridonkulous. More than that, it's ridoofulous. Remember that time Jessie nominated us? Oh, the joy! That week was the BEST! Natalie turns to the camera and says “Thanks America, you’re real stand up people.” What a sweetie! And here I thought she was a nasty little troll. She’s just so cute I want to put her in my pocket and carry her around, like lint or a bad penny. She’s ridinkulous.
Mercifully, the night ends and we begin a new day. Michele, Jeff, Jordan and Russell are sitting in the backyard and Michele reveals that she wants to nominate (and hopefully evict) Chima. Yay! Smiles all around. This puts everyone in a good mood for the Have/Have Not competition. Basically, they have to slide down into something gross (because for some reason, reality competitions have to include some kind of ‘gross’ factor to be authentic), then eat gross things to win food and other treats for the week. There’s some sort of time limit imposed, too. They are all working as a team, so they are either all going to be haves on certain days, or they are all going to be have nots on certain days. So, everyone does their best, yes?
Well, no. The ridickulous team of Chima and Natalie make sure to take their sweet time and they are unpleasant in every way possible. Kevin and Lydia have a bit of a problem because Lydia is Bossy McBosserson and Kevin no likey. Jeff tries to make a joke, but Natalie’s sense of humor was removed at about the same time her penis was and she shuts him down. Jordan is just clueless, but manages to get through it. Chima has some sort of episode in the middle of the competition and she orders Russell not to look at her. No problem, says Russell, I didn’t want to look at you, anyway. Good one, Russ.
But it’s not all gloom and doom in the BB house. There are light moments, too. We are treated to an extended look into the life of Lydia and her stuffed unicorn, Dae Yum Yum. There’s a minute and half of my life I’m never getting back.
In the backyard, Russell is pretending to be in 4th grade. He wants to know if Jordan likes Jeff or if she LIKE likes him. The exchange ends with Jeff asking Jordan to marry him. She accepts and tells him what kind of ring she’d like. He just can’t believe he’s engaged! I bet she’s doing it for votes. She looks innocent, but you gotta watch that one. Ridorkulous.
Ok, time to work Michele for safety from nominations. Natalie is up first. She tries hard to push the notion that Russell = despair for all. Does he know the Satan rep he has? Because from where I sit, he’s just a ridipulous dude in a jaunty hat, but many HGs give him credit for being this evil force that sucks the will to live from all that surround him. Michele basically tells Natalie to pound sand, she’s going to do what she wants, and Natalie pretends like she’ll respect the decision either way, but we all know that’s not true, don’t we?
Chima’s turn! Michele tells her right off the bat that she isn’t going to like the nominations. Chima pretends that she’s fine with whoever Michele puts up (heh heh, she’s not going feel that way in about 10 minutes), but goes through the familiar “Russell is responsible for all the ill in the world” speech. Hilariously, Chima counsels Michele on what BB is all about. Self-preservation! Ha! Take your own advice, crazy lady.
At the nomination ceremony, Michele really makes no bones about how she rates the inhabitants of the BB house. The keys come out like this: Jordan, Jeff, Russell, Kevin, Lydia. Sorry Chima and Natalie! You are on the block! Michele tells Chima that she (Michele) can’t win if Chima stays in the house. Natalie basically gets told to her face that she’s inconsequential and just filling a spot, but Natalie gives a mini speech in her DR session anyway about her back being to the wall and facing the fight of her life. Take it down a few notches, Butch. No one is threatened by you, they’re trying to get out the good players first.
Chima is not happy, as one might imagine. She seems like she’s taking it ok, showing a kind of “oh well” attitude. Oh, no. This can’t be good. I hope production hides the knives. As we’re shown the credits, the Big Brother voice gives us an ominous tease – “What will happen now that Chima and Natalie are on the chopping block? Tune in Tuesday night at 8 central, when one houseguest self-destructs and is removed from the game.”
Hmmm, I wonder which house guest they could be referring to? Can’t wait to find out!