The key to a good showmance is (ahem) friendship. The best showmances are couples that have good banter, couples that can hang out in groups together without being part of a pair. Think of Jeff and Jordan. Everyone loved kicking it with Jeff and Jordan. I too, as a live-feeder, loved kicking it with Jeff and Jordan. 

The worst showmances are couples that lie in bed all day and treat the Big Brother house as a honeymoon resort. They disassociate from the game and from the other houseguests, burrowing full bore into their counterpart. You don’t get a tangible sense of why these people are drawn to each other, for they don’t conversate so much as they osculate, and when they do conversate, it is vapid dreck. Their post Big Brother relationship viability seems preposterous.  

James and Nicole are both showmance poison. On Big Brother 16, Nicole was in a showmance with Hayden Voss, a showmance I still contend is the worst showmance of all time. One year later, James got repudiated by Meg which, in retrospect, saved us all a great a deal of agony. This season, our two showmancing Vets are at it again, and surprise, surprise: It’s bland city. 

I personally prefer Nicorey, which is odd considering that based on my aforementioned logic, they should be a worse showmance. But I ultimately think Nicorey are less delusional about their standing in the house.[1] I think Nicole knows she isn’t the hero of this season, and I think she is content with that. She also happens to be playing the best game among the showmances. 

Jatalie, conversely, want to be loved so badly—by America. James especially is trying way too hard to win America’s Favorite Player. And the harder these two try to be America's sweethearts, the more unattractive they appear to me. It makes me feel like how I imagine Corey must feel sometimes.

There is a falsity to the way Jatalie regard themselves, like how they claim all the credit for every eviction[2] but don't want any of the heat. Let’s be clear about this: They believed that Paul was betraying them because they wanted to betray Paul. Paul got scumbagged, not the other way around. 

This is a good move. Don’t get me wrong. It’s in their best interest to roll with Nicorey at least until the final five. But you have own the dishonor of such a move. If Jatalie are going to be so weak and oblique about it, why shouldn’t I just give the credit to Nicole for spinning the lie? 

“When I hear Paul say, ‘You’re boy,’ I feel he is saying it to me.”—Paul’s dad 

With the Puerto Sensation making his second departure from the Big Brother house, that leaves us with Paul, Michelle (who can’t even play in HOH), and possibly the returning juror to battle the cursed showmance behemoth that is Jatalie and Nicorey. And as grim as that looks, I’ll be OK as long as Paul is in the house.

My feelings about Paul haven’t changed all that much. Frankly, Paul still terrifies me. Hearing him regale his housemates with what he thought were humorous tales from his high school days made me want to furl myself into the fetal position and weep vacantly.  

But Paul has found his destined arena and his proper fight. This time, the Revolution is against boredom. Your boy is working hard with the pittance he’s been allotted, and he is delivering on every level. With Pablo the pelican strapped around his waist, he manically rampages through the house calling out the opposition, winning decisive Vetoes, making bold strategic moves, and layin' the smackdown in the Diary Room. He is voicing the discontent of the people, and he is doing it with panache, treating us to new catchphrases week after week.[3] 

It’s funny, throughout most of this season, when I heard Paul refer to himself as “Your boy,” I just saw some obnoxious deehay jackassin’. Yet when I hear it now, I feel he is saying it to me. Paul is my boy. I'm rooting for him all the way.

Give 'em hell, Paul, as only you can.


Now That’s What I Call Out of Context Quotes Volume 1

Bridgette: “What would Willy Wonka do?”

Paulie: “. . . I don’t like a hickey on my neck. That’s a known fact.”

Frank: “My mom sent me this button up shirt [in my HOH basket] that I did not like last time; I traded it to Shane [Meanie] for like four or five beers one night.”

Bridgette: “I have a chapstick addition . . . .”

Paulie: “I like vampires. I’ve had an obsession with vampires since I was a little kid. I used to have dreams about vampires when I was, like, six or seven years old.”

Paul: “You guys wanna watch me shower?” 

Natalie: “If someone made me a cheeseburger room, I would love it. I would be in heaven.”

Paulie: “[M]y words fucking zing.”

Bridgette: “Isn’t peripheral vision so cool?”

Paul: “You’re boy’s a boy.”


[1] Yes, I’m taking into account when Nicole told Corey that she is playing Dan Gheesling’s game which is, yes, of course ludicrous.

[2] I’ll give Natalie credit for the Zakiyah eviction, although Bridgette was the star player in that motion picture. She absolutely cannot take credit for Paulie though. That’s all Victor and Paul.

[3] Could this scene from Broadcast News be the origin of friendship? Is Paul secretly a huge James L. Brooks fan?