Here goes another summer down the tubes! More specifically, the “tube”, singular, as  CBS’ summer reality staple #BB17 airs June 24-25 at 8/7c in a rare 2-part launch.

Less than 30 days to prepare for 3 months of feed-gazing, eye-glazing, BB Discussion posting, JU Chat yapping and mayhem in general. There will be no time for such fripperies as cooking full meals, walking the dog, or even moving away from the computer screen. So, what’s a Joker’s BB Addict to do?

1- Cook & freeze as many meals as your freezer will hold.

2- Gather phone numbers from anywhere that delivers dinner in your area (you’re bound to run out of meals from #1.)

3- Dog owners, buy a length of rope measured as follows: first, measure the distance from the window nearest your computer screen to your front or back yard. Second, double that figure. Finally, add 10 feet “just because”.

Now, either buy an automatic front (or back) door opener, or purchase two more lengths of rope which extend from where you sit at your computer to that door. This may take some ingenuity, but when you’re done you should be able to yank on one rope to open that door, and the other to close it.  Mr. T. would be impressed!

Finally, prior to yanking rope #3, attach the dog to rope #1 and you’ve saved ALL of the time needed to “Let the dog out,” and ALL of the time required to walk him!

4- (for those times when the feeds are RED HOT) Have a bucket ready next to your computer chair. (Need we say more?)

 5- a trip to the store for your favorite libation (with Joker’s “every time they say ‘alliance’ take a drink” game in mind.)

6- prepare a nice sign for your home-office door: “Kindly do not disturb: Big Brother in progress.”

7- prepare a not-so-nice vocal message in case #6 should fail. We find that “Get the hell out! I’m watching the feeds, have you lost your mind?” works very well indeed.

8-Place a nice, springy pillow beneath your keyboard (you’ll still wake up some mornings with “ASDFG” engraved in your forehead, but not so deeply and they’ll vanish sooner.)

9-Buy 10 cartons of cigarettes. (Running out of smokes at a crucial time can be maddening, especially at 3:30AM.)

10-Might as well purchase one of these in advance: it will come in quite handy when BB ends for the summer.

Just remember: it’s nearly Big Brother time, so be prepared!