Advice to Future BB Houseguests - Wooing the Internet

1) Make an effort to look good, folks. We are the ones that have to look at you day after day, hour after hour. Please no grey sweatpants (ala Erika). Avoid the "wearing a white bathrobe all day every day" look (ala Marcellas). And for heavens sake, if you win HoH have someone send you a pretty new bathrobe, not your natty old pink one (ala Danielle). Guys with nice chests should definately go shirtless as much as possible (ala Will). But remember, you aren't at home without cameras all around, don't make our eyes hurt when we look at you.

2) Do not try to come up with clever lines to trash other HG's in the DR. Those "clever" lines will be used and will come back to haunt you as they make you look worse than the person you are insulting. Avoid comparing other HGs to gold digging playboy bunnies (ala James), talking about other HG's hair styles (ala Beau "polyester hair"), throwing stones about boob jobs (ala April, Allison), etc. The Internet will have a field day at your expense if you resort to these type of insults.

3) Check your self-righteous attitudes at the door. We do not want to hear how you are a better human being than other Houseguests (ala the Nerd Herd). Chances are strong to quite strong that we will not agree with you. Do not self righteously accuse others of lying or backstabbing when you are trying to do exactly the same thing (ala James and Marcellas). Especially do not throw stones if you live in a glass house - calling another HG a barwhore when you have been a stripper in a gay club (ala Jase) is self-righteousness at its worst. If you need to trash others to demonstrate what a great person you are, we know that you aren't. Also avoid a holier-than-thou approach; particularly avoid giving any suggestion that Jesus told you to nominate someone (ala Adria and Natalie) or that other players are the devil (ala Danielle).

4) Beware of shoutouts. They do not tend to make you look good in any way, shape or form. You will be mocked for mentioning your business partner and/or agent over and over again (ala Boogie). They are also likely to get unwanted and unsolicited email from Internet fans if you do so. Likewise, if you want to give a shout out to a SO avoid giving their pedigree every time you mention their name (ala Will). Tell us once that your SO other was a 4 time yodeling champion of Calvert county and we'll get. Tell us that several times and both you and your SO will be mocked for it. MOST IMPORTANTLY, do not give shout outs to your parents while engaged in a sex act (ala Erika). The whole idea of that is so mind boggling that you are bound to have that held against you for a very, very long time.

5) Do not engage in a showmance unless you willing to accept the likely consequences - one of you is going to get booted early (ala Shannon, Boogie, Eric, Chiara, Holly, Michael). If you engage in a showmance, make it fun and sexy and try to convince the rest of the household that you hate each other even though you spend every waking moment staring into each others eyes (ala Janelle and Will). Do not, under any circumstances, make it unappealing and disgusting - gropping in the bathtub, dutch ovens shared under the other covers, etc. (ala Erika and Boogie). Internet folks will not forgive a cheap, ugly showmance.

6) Be open about your vices. We don't care about your smoking or drinking unless you try to hide the fact (ala Danielle). Whatever you do, do not sit behind the couch to smoke - you just come across as pathetic. The one unforgivable vice does seem to be overeating - you will be raked over the coals if you gain an ounce (ala Amy, Jun, Janelle) so be prepared.