The Dirty Girl Cleans Up Her Act and Her Engine

Porsche Briggs - Image CBS





Porsche Briggs made it all the way to the Final 2, playing a brand new game of Big Brother, courtesy of the Big Brother Duo's twist and the Golden Key she was awarded her first week of the game. It was a lot like watching Where's Waldo, the Porsche Briggs version. She didn't seem to be doing anything in the game for the first five weeks except laying out in a bikini or baking. And that baking caused said bikini to get tight in some very righteous places. Now, I'm being sexist, what a summer!

Zingbot got Porsche on her righteous trunk and she laughed long and best. Porsche seemed to have an overinflated perception of her own beauty but she certainly cleaned up nice, when she wanted to clean up. Her strategy to use her feminine ways on the guys, seems to have worked on ED but once he left she was clearly out of luck on that front, except for a few stolen moments in the HOH with Brendon. Gesus Brendon, would you please go.........oh never-mind. Back to Porsche. I even used Porsche's feminine ways to explain some of Jordan's weird attitude this season. Right or wrong, it was my call and the way I saw things playing out.

Porsche, Porsche, Porsche! What a maddening, captivating Big Brother personality! Porsche had entertaining, funny moments but also intense moments of stark insanity, and mean girl spite, tempered by heartbreaking moments of revealing family tragedy.

There was no smooth ride with Porsche 13.0. One minute she was sleek and smooth and shifting gears as smoothly and efficiently as if she were the new female Bond and not some unkempt Bond girl. Then the miss-starts, flooded chokes and sputtered engine took hold and our Porsche became a Pinto in zero to sixty. It wasn't fun to watch. But long races are often won in the quiet moments and except for Shelly's ridiculous vote to save face because of PuppyGate & curry favor with Jeff & Jordan, Porsche might have won this race.

Playing the blame game may be part of armchair quarterbacking but, in the end, Porsche's inability or unwillingness to make a pit stop in Jordan's corner may have been what ground her gears and her game, into a 50 thousand dollar, second place halt. #EndOfLameRaceCar analogies, I promise!

Jokers Updates got a unique opportunity to speak to Porsche the day after the finale and ask her a few questions and this is what transpired.

JokersUpdates.com: Your childhood clearly was not easy and the moments where you spoke about that or spoke about helping raise your younger brother or nursing your Father back to health, those were endearing moments. But stuff happened in between those moments and I am going to ask you some hard questions about it. I want you to answer for some of the ways you played and some of the things you said and did that outraged people and I want you to be prepared for what is out there in the real world.

Your first mistake was talking about your Brother going to Florida because the Florida State fans are going to be out there!

Porsche: Ok, I understand. Yeah, my Brother is a little Gator now (laughing.)

JokersUpdates.com: You have a good, hardcore group of fans on Jokers Updates and all of them would have been happy to see you win it all, so please visit us when you get the chance.

Porsche: Thank you, thank you so much. (on the phone her voice had a very sweet, almost girlish Marilyn Monroe quality. Great, now she's using her feminine ways on me, and it's working and I don't even go that way, not that there's anything wrong with that! end of editorial, seinfeld comment.)

JokersUpdates.com: Why did you spend so much time in those velour tracksuits? I heard you say last nite that Janelle told you to bring them in for comfort but omg, we got so bored watching you in them & secondly, you are a beauty, so, why didn't you wash your hair more often?

Porsche: (laughing and giggling pretty long) well let me see, hmmmmm velour tracksuits, I'll go on that one first, since that was the first one asked; being in the house it was very cold in there and it was just comfortable to wear them. We weren't going out (more laughter) and we don't need to get dressed up and in my every day life I do have to get "dolled-up" a lot where I live and work, most of the time and have to have my hair and makeup perfect and you know it was about comfort, in the house. I was more concentrating on my game in the house than I was on my style.

As far as the hair thing, I know I didn't wash my hair a lot starting with the Have Not week and it was just because that is a miserable shower. It is like icicles that turn into needles that turn into daggers going all over my body and I washed my hair in the sink several times but (laughing) not enough.

JokersUpdates.com: It's very easy for me and Jokers Updates viewers to be "armchair quarterbacks" watching you guys in the Big Brother house while we are in the comfort of our own homes.

Porsche: I like that term, "armchair quarterback!"

JokersUpdates.com: The night of the dinner or no dinner with the Final 3, you did that almost sixties hairdo and it looked amazing and flawless!

Porsche: Yeah, I almost repeated that (hairdo) for finale, I love it, I wanted to but by the time Finale game around and after that last competition (the underwater against Adam) I had a huge cut on my leg and a big bandage wrapped around me so........I didn't want to wear a short dress.....

JokersUpdates.com: My heart raced & broke during that final HOH competition, because I think you KNEW all of the answers to those questions, why do you think you choked?

Porsche: I KNOW! I actually did really bad on questions, you know, I knew some of the answers, especially the last one, I think I just kept putting the wrong letter, I get real nervous at things like that and then again, I was thinking about how they would have answered right after they left the house not putting answers they would have put after a couple of weeks of being in jury and decompressing. Them having more relaxed, fun answers, you know?

JokersUpdates.com: I don't think there was a lot of decompression, I think this jury fired each other up some.

Porsche: I can't wait to see it, I'm hearing things........that happened in there!


JokersUpdates.com: How much did it help you to know that one of the best players of Big Brother, Janelle from BB6 and 7, was in your corner and what was the significance of that ring she gave you?

Porsche: I met Janelle working in Miami and that was just a lucky ring of hers and she passed it on to me and that was the significance of the ring and you know Janelle was a super strong competitor another "blonde bombshell from Miami" and I really admired her game and her strength and just her strength in competing in this game with everything you have to deal with in the house and everything that happens. Janelle didn't put up with shit from anybody and I tried to do that as well but winning the Golden Key I had to take a back seat and not ruffle any feathers for when I did have to compete to save myself.

JokersUpdates.com: I wanted to ask you how different your game would have been without those four weeks of boredom, courtesy of that Golden Key?

Porsche: Oh exactly, I think my game would have been much different but, then again, going into the house I thought I could use my feminine ways and charm and work with the guys and be friends with the girls and then you get into the house and you realize you're going to be paired up in duo's with people you don't know and then you're competing against people coming in as duo's that have had bonds for years! So, it was an uphill battle, nonstop.

It's crazy to even think that I was one of eight newbies and there were two winners in the house, that was more winners than BB7 All-Stars had!


JokersUpdates.com: You appear to be a strong young lady who has been through some horrific things in her childhood and your love for your Father and Brother was inspiring, but sometimes it was scary the way you plotted poisonings and stole things for seemingly no reason, and you know on the Live Feeds we saw you spike the Muscle Milk with Benefiber that Jordan then drank. How do you feel about that behavior now? I know there were "mean girl" chats but the words did come out of your mouth Porsche, about the poisonings and then the cringe worthy words about Rachel's possible pregnancy that Adam and Shelly joined in on. That was almost unforgivable and in my book you have some explaining to do and some amends to make. How do you feel about that behavior now?

Porsche: That whole conversation about pregnancy was wrong. Shelly might have been lashing out but I joined in when I could have stopped her. That whole thing was horrible, what I said and I apologize. Being in that house, I said things I would never mean and never say in real life, it was wrong and I am sorry.

JokersUpdates.com: Talk to me about the Benefiber, it seemed more malicious than prank.

Porsche: That whole incident was uh, it was meant to be a joke, a prank. I've never taken Benefiber and I don't know the actual results of it and everyone had so much gas all year and I thought it makes you poo and we were having the Have Not competition the next day, so I thought, "wouldn't it be funny if people were, you know, pooping their pants in the middle of the Have Not competition.

JokersUpdates.com: Like prune juice in the office coffee? Which is also a big no-no. Food tampering is being taken very seriously these days, as it should be and I didn't understand why Big Brother didn't do more about it?

Porsche: I didn't mean to hurt anybody, or anything like that. You know when you are in the house and bored and no TV or books and I am mischievous and there is only so many times you can hide a bathroom sign when no one even notices it's missing and you try to figure out other ways to entertain yourself and that was my stupid way. I thought everyone would laugh about it.

JokersUpdates.com: You were stealing things right and left was that just for kicks or were you trying to make it look like Big Brother was doing it?

Porsche: Exactly, it could have been a Big Brother trick but then other people started doing it and then it was obvious and then everything was found but it was funny when I kept stealing the bathroom sign and when Dani and Kalia were doing it and when I stole Brendon's little duck, I thought it was funny. You just try to come up with different ways to entertain yourself and relieve the boredom and monotony and you end up looking.....

JokersUpdates.com: Insane?

Porsche: Well yeah, and I did do that to the Muscle Milk and production told me to throw it out and that was embarrassing and I did feel stupid about it. I really thought it would be funny, it was stupid and I'm sorry for that too.

JokersUpdates.com: Well she never knew till she left the house but it certainly impeded you getting close to Jordan and I thought if you and Jordan could find a way to come together, I thought you two would have been the most powerful secret alliance and could have been sitting in the Final 2. I hope you reach out to Jordan and apologize to her personally, just for the two of you. I hope you two come to a place of acceptance and understanding with each other. Maybe you remind Jordan of what she was like during her party days and she doesn't want to think about that. I'll leave it alone, let's move on.

Porsche: Well, I would like that. Jeff was always calling me love, which he called her and said we were alike and he got us confused on a constant basis and I don't think she liked that.

JokersUpdates.com: No, I don't imagine that any "steel magnolia" would like that or any woman. We do not like being compared to other women or thought to be similar, I even wrote about it in Jordan's interview with Jokers.

Porsche: Jeff and I didn't even talk game even though we were in an alliance for five weeks, but um, we were friends, we talked a lot about different things, I helped him do his hair, we talked about different things outside of the house.

JokersUpdates.com: I forgot about the hair-cutting that did seem like a bonding time for the three of you, then all of a sudden it was cat fight almost and the timeline escapes me.

Porsche: Yeah, it was and probably the Have Not food she had to deal with for several weeks and having to deal with that she gets real moody on her period, like she said and that had a lot to do with it and you know, it's just kind of living in a house with a bunch of girls some girls you're gonna click with, some girls you're not and it's really hard when you just want to be comfortable in that house and not be a target.

JokersUpdates.com: What are your plans for the future? You were a great hostess during the BB comps, is that something you want to do and what type of show do you see yourself hostessing?

Porsche: Absolutely something I want to do, I love hostessing, I think it is something I will be good at, I enjoy the cameras and being in front of the cameras and reading lines and actually feeling like you're, you're doing something else rather than just living in Big Brother. I would love to on TV, whether that would be a Weather Girl or something else, I adore it! It's always sunny in LA and Miami so that fits me (big laughter from her, laughing at herself.) Yeah, I definitely, I definitely enjoy being in front of the camera and reading or saying lines.

JokersUpdates.com: SCDrMom would like to know who you will stay in touch with from the BB house?

Porsche: I mean, as far as keeping in touch with the houseguests, I will definitely be keeping in touch with Rachel. She and I had our ups and downs within the game but we had each others back especially when we needed it most. Our relationship, especially in the beginning of the game, really helped us in the end of the game, you know? Coming back together and saving each other week by week until getting into the Final 2.

JokersUpdates.com: I liked seeing that, a lot. Traditionally, in Reality TV, especially Big Brother, women backstab each other instead of bonding and kicking the guys out, so I loved that you and Rachel hung together.

Porsche: Thank you, thank you so much but, I also think I will keep in touch with Adam for sure and probably Danielle.

JokersUpdates.com: Good, Danielle is very misunderstood in the BB world but she brings it on herself sometimes, which is LITERALLY ANNOYYYYYYYYYYYYING!

Porsche: (small sympathy chuckle at my lame attempt at humor)


JokersUpdates.com: Was your Brother able to fly out to be with you & how is your Father doing with his recuperation?

Porsche: YES! BOTH of my Brothers and my Father were able to fly out.

JokersUpdates.com: Your Father came? Jokers has been sending a lot of love his way for his recuperation! I can't believe he got to come see you in the finale, that is truly heartwarming!

Porsche: Yes, yes I was extremely touched, it was amazing for BB to do! I kept them up all night, telling them stories, (chuckling and giggling while she remembered the night with her family.)


JokersUpdates.com: I was very confused when you kept Rachel in the game rather than Jordan, it seemed like a 450k mistake, so why did you keep a hardcore competitor like Rachel in the game with you, she is a monster at physical and mental challenges? Was it just because of your bonding?

Porsche: Uh, NO, it was definitely a strategic move. Um, I knew how close Adam and Jordan were and I thought Adam had a good shot at winning the final question round of the HOH and at the time, Rachel was so desperate to stay in the game, I trusted the Final 2 deal I made with her and thought I had a better chance of her keeping that (promise) than Adam keeping Me, if he had Me and Jordan to choose from. I knew he was picking Jordan and I knew if Jordan had Me and Adam to choose from, Jordan was picking Adam, so I looked at it as getting myself at least to the Final 2, knowing I had to pull off that final win to keep myself safe.

JokersUpdates.com: Tiger_Lily on Jokers would like to know why do you think Shelly voted for Rachel, her sworn nemesis? I thought you had the game won when Kalia said pajama jammer and gave you her vote.

Porsche: Yeah, um, well I think Shelly was definitely a follower in this game. She made that clear going from side to side and never stepping up and being a leader, she was just kind of there, which is what people are saying about me (she laughs a short laugh), I think when Jordan went into the Jury house that was a mistake......because Jordan can sway Shelly. Shelly was a super fan of Jeff and Jordan's and she will do anything to be on their good side. And you know with Brendon, I've heard multiple times now that he was offering the sun, moon, stars and what not, In the jury house, for people to vote for his fiancee, that's normally not allowed in Big Brother but whatever it was, whatever swayed Shelly's vote to vote that way, I think she is going to be surprised when she sees the show and sees what people really think of her.

JokersUpdates.com: I wanted you to fight harder during the jury questions but you seemed almost resigned to winning just the 50k, did you FEEL that way?

Porsche: It definitely wasn't true, I definitely wanted to fight harder but throughout the game I didn't throw people under the bus and when the jury was questioned and I heard that Jeff and Jordan and Shelly had all made up, I knew it and you didn't see it but I turned to Rachel and said, "they made up, you got Shelly's vote, you won!" I know how persuasive Brendon can be and Shelly would have done anything to get Jordan to like her. I am still happy for Rachel.

And on that note, our time was through. We thanked her, she thanked Jokers Updates and hopefully we will see her online or on a weather show, in the near future. Porsche surprised and delighted with a lot of what she had to say but, just a little more conversation with Jordan and a little less stealth action and she might be a whole lot richer. In the end, I think she might have muscle milked her way out of the 500k. I think it is a lesson learned.

Thanks for a great summer Porsche and sell those tracksuits on Ebay.......or burn them!