The past two weeks in the Big Brother house have meant... well, they've meant almost nothing. As evidenced by Thursday's Live Eviction Show, we could have (and perhaps should have) just skipped the past two weeks entirely. Sad.

But I suppose some things have happened, so let's take a look at those things.

Lawon. There's no sense in beating a dead horse, so what's left to say that others haven't already said? In the past two weeks, Lawon has earned the Stupidest Move in Big Brother History award. Instead of being sprinkled with magic dust and sent back into the game with super-human powers, his voluntary nomination, and voluntary eviction, has cost him the game. If he had tried and fought in the game using just a millionth of the energy he spent telling us how he was fighting in the game, maybe he would still be around. He wouldn't be remembered at all but for his Stupidest Move award. Lawon has left the building.

Shelly. Shelly has turned into the ultimate mole. She is in a serious competition with Ron-the-Rat for the Biggest Rat in BB History. To everyone who says Jeff is a 'hypocrite', you need to understand that Shelly is the poster child for the word. She runs around telling everyone everything with her own little spin added. A real tattle-tail. Then today she blew up when she caught someone doing it to her. That's in reference to the Kalia-Shelly 'drama' today (Friday Aug 12, 4:27 HT, Cam 3-4 for those of you with Flashback access). Today she went so far as to tell Kalia that she was trying to help the younger contestants get to the end and win because they needed the money to start their lives. So this whole time, Shelly has not been in the game to win the money for herself? Are we really to believe that? She told Kalia that if she, Shelly, won the money, she'd give it all away to poor young people to get their lives started. She told Kalia that she was trying to help Kalia win the money, because Kalia is a poor black woman. She has told Brenchel that she's trying to help them win the money (so Rachel can spend $10,000 on an overpriced $200 wedding dress and have a 'dream wedding'). I've heard her tell everyone that she was trying to help them win the money. Is this the woman who, on Week One, threw her own partner Cassi under the bus to try to get a Gold Key? The only allegiance she's shown the whole game has been to Jeff and Jordan, and even that is questionable. Her record as a rat speaks for itself, but I cannot cite any specific instance of treason against Jeff and Jordan. I cannot be in all places at all times and watch the feeds non-stop, so I haven't caught her talking about J/J. Lastly, she has played the 'caring mom' card as far as it can go, and it has started to catch up with her these past two weeks.

Porsche. After two weeks of nothing, Porsche is still floating along. Porsche is perhaps the ultimate turd-that-will-not-flush. She's done nothing but play Betty Crocker in a swimsuit and gain another 15 pounds the past two weeks. I feel sorry for Porsche, when I remember that she's in the game at all.

Adam. Adam got to wear the Joker costume. Or was that an Elf costume? It sure looked more like a Joker costume to me ( see picture here ). Adam had his 40th birthday in the Big Brother House. Adam shaved off all his facial hair, and re-shaved his head. Now he looks a little bit like Uncle Fester from the Addams Family. I wonder if he gets an occasional shock from the lip piercing? (Uncle Fester could stick a light bulb in his mouth and make it glow.) Scary! What has Adam done the past two weeks as far as 'game'? About as much as Porsche!

Team Pajama-jammers. I guess that's what Kalia and Danielle are calling themselves now. In the past two weeks, each of them has been HoH. Dani got Brendon evicted, but as we all know by now, he's back. We could say Dani's HoH counted for naught! Kalia got Lawon evicted. Oh wait! Lawon got himself evicted! Kalia did nothing. The only thing either of them really did the past two weeks was to flip-flop back and forth like a fish on land while looking for deals. I suppose that we could mention that Kalia threw Dani under the bus this week. Kalia made a deal with Rachel to keep Rachel safe. Kalia asked Rachel who she was targeting, and Rachel said she was still targeting Dani. But when Kalia talked to Dani, she told her that she'd made a deal with Rachel that would keep them both safe. Maybe she cut another deal with Rachel at a later time and I didn't see it. But I DID see her make a deal with Rachel knowing Rachel was targeting Dani. The only thing they really did the past two weeks was give their alliance a really cool name (in memory of Dominic's love for playing 'sleep-over', I assume). Personally, I'm starting to think of their alliance as Team Pajami-whammy, in a goo-goo, gah-gah baby-talk sort of way.

Jeff and Jordan. In the past two weeks, they've stayed alive in the game. That's really it. Jordan has suffered miserably from two weeks of being a Have-Not. In direct contrast to Porsche, who has never been a Have-Not, Jordan lost the 15 pounds that Porsche gained in the past two weeks. I am sorry about your suffering, Jordan, but you are looking better than ever, also in direct contrast to Porsche. Slop and Sardines and Catfish seem to be better for you than cookie dough! (That's a reference to Jordan's weight gain two years ago while living off of cookie-dough, for anyone who has forgotten.) Jeff had to fight to stay alive in the game last week, but he pulled through and removed himself from the block.

These last couple of weeks Rachel cried a lot. And when that wasn't enough, she cried some more. For a brief instance, I had a glimmer of another Rachel-that-could-be. A Brendon-less Rachel who was actually being naughty-and-nice without being a bitch about it. I was hopeful that Rachel might actually re-script her Big Brother persona and pass herself off as human. Yes, I must admit that I dared to hope for a new-and-improved Rachel that I could really like! That lasted for all of about 2 days, then the reality of Reality TV came crashing through my computer screen in the form of Brendon's egotistical, grinning face. Brenchel was Back! Will the pain never end?

When Brendon left the game, I was happy. Ecstatic might better describe my emotional outburst! But then I thought, “gee, what am I gonna write about now?” I didn't care. I knew I'd find something interesting, and hopefully non-repetitive, to write about. Do you think I actually enjoy bashing Brendon? Okay, that's a trick question! Of course I do. But there are hundreds of other ways to express my witticism, humor, and insightfulness that don't include Brendon. (I hope someone actually enjoys reading these articles, anyway!) In fact, I was looking forward to finally leaving him alone to rot.

I recently wrote an article where I defended the producers of Big Brother. That was okay with me, since I got to bash Brendon through-out the article (see article: Conspiracy Theories ). I still stand by my conclusions in that article, that the Producers do not rig competitions. Yet here I am with a dilemma. Do I jump to the conclusion that Production had a hand in Brendon's return? Many have, and I want to so bad! Not because I incorrectly predicted Cassie or Dom's return, either. I'm not sure how Brendon won America's vote, but I'm certain that it wasn't out of love for Brendon! Many things could have gone wrong with the vote, and my prediction.

First, there are the Jeff and Jordan lovers to consider. Many of them voted for Brendon, but their vote was really to strengthen the Veterans Alliance and keep J/J safe. It wasn't a vote of love for Brendon! Too bad (for the Keep J/J Safe voters), Brendon is already throwing Jeff and Jordan under the bus to Dani this week! Hey, sorry 'bout your luck, J/J voters! Did you actually think Brendon was good for J/J? Silly fools!

Then there was the mathematical error of my prediction, which I based on JokersUpdates daily Rate the Houseguests poll. When the vote started, Cassi was consistently 3rd, Dom averaged about 7th place, and Brendon came in around number 10 in the daily polls. I never accounted for the possibility of Cassi and Dominic splitting the voters, as they seem to have done. If Dom and Cassi caused a split in votes, it could have been enough to weaken both of them. That doesn't strengthen Brendon's assertion that America Loves Him, it just weakens both Cassi and Dominic's voter base. Now add in the Keep J/J Safe voters to Brendon's count, and Brendon very well could have won fairly. Sad (to some of us anyway), but true.

I don't see where Production had to pull any strings to bring back Brendon.

Well, I wish to kick the dead horse one final time. Did anyone stop to think that the average voter used all 10 of their votes? I used all of my 10 online votes, and I'm certain that most people who bothered to vote cast 10 votes (or more) too. I don't have a cell phone, so 10 online votes was my limit. But I have read in several places where people voted 20, 40, and even 50 times. A person with a cell phone could easily vote 20 times. That's 10 online votes and 10 cell phone votes (at $1 per text message vote, 10 votes per cell phone, if you listened to the hyper-actively-fast 'fine print' that was read during the show's announcement). Two cell phones equals 30 possible votes, 4 cell phones equals 50 possible votes. I'm sure there were people who only voted once or twice. But it's a good bet that the people who voted 20, 40, or even 50 times balanced them out with their multiple votes. It's fair enough to guess that there were 10 votes cast per voter. There were only 2 million votes cast for America's Choice. That means that of the 6 million plus viewers of Big Brother, perhaps only two hundred thousand people actually voted.

Brendon only received 39.5% of the votes ( see results here ). So Brendon only had 79,000 people vote for him! But lets consider that there were MORE THAN 2 million votes, and according to the Chen-bot Brendon got over a million (a million and one is my guess). Out of the more than six million people who watch the show, one hundred thousand people voted for Brendon. That is hardly a showing at all. Everyone who voted 20, 40, or 50 times said they cast their vote for Brendon... A hundred thousand divided by plus 6 million means that less than 1.6% of the viewers actually voted for Brendon. That's not exactly a sign that All America Loves You Bukie! Ha!

So anyway, here we are, two weeks later, and nothing of any significance has changed in the game. Brendon is back. Dani's HoH meant nothing at all, and that's probably not a good thing if you're a J/J fan. The only thing that really happened in the past two weeks is that Lawon is gone. I don't want to sound mean to the guy, I never disliked him or anything, but he won't be missed. He didn't add anything to the 'game' anyway, so his removal is of no consequence to the game. Can I have the past two weeks of my life back now? Please?!

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